I once tried to cartwheel across three skateboards. I cartwheeled myself straight into the emergency room.
As a teenager I tried to impress a girl by taping a bunch of matches to my shoulder and settin fire to them. She had not asked me to this or given any indication that she wanted me to do anything of the sort, I just figured with 16-year-old logic that that was bound to look awesome. The pain was so strong and sudden that my shoulder started jerking around wildly, which was a problem because it meant that my instinctive reaction of trying to swat the fire out with my hand kept missing. By the time I managed to swat it out the heads of the matches had fused with my skin, which was blakened and had the texture of a cracker. Because I was a healthy teenager this somehow "healed" without leading to any seriouss infection, but to this day, that part of my shoulder is covered in shriveled scar tissue and I have lost all feeling in the tissue in that area down to the bone. The girl was not impressed.
Reminds me of when some friends of friends were playing chicken with a lit cigarette held between their forearms. One of them kept trying to get people to do this with them only to keep getting the response "that's dumb as shit." So I started talking to them, telling a story about how my father had showed me old scars on his arm from doing that, and the whole time I'm kind of leaning in and lowering my voice until I got to "and you know what he said about this?" Followed by yelling "it's dumb as shit!"
The story I told them was mostly true too: he had in fact showed me old burn scars on his arm and explained how they were from playing chicken with a lit cigarette and how exactly one did that, followed with a caution about how stupid and pointless it is and a warning to never do it. I just paraphrased the caution to match what other people kept telling them.
If we can bring other people than ourselves into it my own father half tore off both of his index fingers trying to rip a beer can in half like he'd seen on TV. Turns out the edges of the opening on a beer can are sharp and if you manage to fit both of your index fingers in there and you are convinced enough that if you just pull with all your strength you can rip the can in half, you are correct about everything except what you are going to rip in half.
I once stuck my hand in an opening in the wall and got shocked by the back of the light switches wiring
I am sorry but what were you thinking inserting your hands into some random holes in a wall?
I was ripping along a gravel road on a vespa, no helmet, and decided at the last minute to cut down a fork in the road and lost control. I laid the scooter down and did a superman across a lot of gravel. my arms protected my head, but the undersides of my forearms and elbow areas were goopy and gooey for like days while they scabbed over.
I remember this grizzled as fuck biker guy in his 50s working construction where I was, saw the blood on my shirt as I was going into a first aid kit, came over, looked my arms up and down, scrunched up his face and said, "that looks like it really fucking hurts."
the undersides of my forearms and elbow areas were goopy and gooey for like days while they scabbed over.
"hop u mad enuf jelo 2 shar w/ th class"
i was demonstrating how dull this knife was. slashed maybe 5 times at my arm and 4 of them did absolutely nothing. the fifth however...
Oh god could that be me. I once caught myself testing a dull knife by slicing at my finger every now and then as I was sharpening it.
I'm literally on my fucking ass rn bc my big toe looks like a plum. Dropped a speaker on it at work and now I got beeg, black toe
When I was a kid I was sticking a rock up my nose and shooting it out until it got stuck and a doctor had to cut my nose open to get it out.
I had an airsoft BB stuck in my ear as a kid. You'd think it was cuz I got shot in the ear, but actually I was just fucking with it putting it in my ear and popping it out. Until it uhhh didn't pop out.
i jamed a pencel up ma noz 1nce
"hey wutch dis" i said 2 th pirson nxt 2 mi in class
& theen i brok off the pencel nsid my noz
me: :excitement:
pirson: :what-the-hell:
Dunno why, but when I was 11, I wrapped my dick entirely in Scotch tape. Pulling it off was one of the worst pains of my life. 0/10 do not recommend.
My boyfriend lightly squeezed my nose one time and fifteen minutes later it started bleeding :|
I was trying to rip open a quick link on a bicycle chain.
And then I slipped and punctured a vein in my hand on the front chainrings. Blood fountain and all.
That could've easily been avoided by using the proper tool, lying right next to me, but nooo of course I had to figure I'd be the big strong manly man.
so on new years I got SUPER FUCKED UP drunk and a little too much NOS gas too. and I was flicking this knife where the blade comes out when you flick it, and then you flick it back in again. and I uh well I flicked it too hard and it left my hand, at which point the knife went into my thigh. I was so fucked I didn't even feel it, I just saw a bunch of blood was now coming down my leg and was like "oh shit, I stabbed myself huh". I'm fine, but I now have a really cool scar on my left thigh
my friends were all freaking out and called an ambulance. the paramedic was HOT AF I remember, and he just said to me I'm a fucking idiot and don't play with knives while drunk, which alright fair point there mate I'll grant you. but it was fine, didn't even need stitches or anything
Yesterday, I was putting juice away in the fridge and dropped it, I went to catch it and hit my head on the fridge door.
I was rubbing my head and felt my tunnel in my lobe sticking out. I pulled the back plate half through my ear. So the fridge ripped my ear open.
One time I was mowing the lawn and and the mower got clogged so I reached down to clear it, while it was still running. I got lucky that it was only a minor injury.
Similarly, another time my sink's garbage disposal hadn't been working for a while so I reached down to feel if it was clogged, while the switch was still on. It stayed off but once I realized what I'd done I was like, "That was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life."
Back when I was a kid, I was at scout camp and I had a swiss army knife, and I opened up all the things because I was bored. Then I tried to close them all at once bc I was done with them, and one of my fingers got caught in the scissors. It was scary but it healed fine, although I still have the scar.
Let's just say I can be a real airhead sometimes.
