• LoudMuffin [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      OK, now I’m willing to entertain vaccine conspiracy theories

      Unironically this shit is probably a USA bioweapon lmao

    • TankieTanuki [he/him]
      ·
      edit-2
      3 years ago

      US General Chudd MacArthur recommends a separate vaccine serum for "far-left anarcho socialists" due to their increased susceptibility to the rising ligma strain.

      :horror:

    • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      my conspiracy theory is that it's literally just harmless water and a few chemicals that help when you get the virus, and that none of them are real vaccines

      • LeninWeave [none/use name]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Based Amerikkkan army putting their own imperialist soldiers in danger with fake vaccines.

        • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
          ·
          3 years ago

          no the point is that it's the opposite of other theories don't bundle my theory in with the others noooo

    • blobjim [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      He will never become anti-vaxx — :cereal1:

      US Army Creates Single Vaccine Effective Against All COVID, SARS Variants :cereal2:

  • p_sharikov [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Spike Ferritin Nanoparticle COVID-19 vaccine

    We have kinetically assertained a nanoparticle style liquid phase tactical vaccine to compromise the virus to a permanent end

    Unlike existing vaccines, Walter Reed’s SpFN uses a soccer ball-shaped protein with 24 faces for its vaccine, which allows scientists to attach the spikes of multiple coronavirus strains on different faces of the protein.

    Oh, so it's only "effective against all variants" in the sense that you can update it when new variants arise. How is this supposed to be better than current vaccines?

    • Neckbeard_Prime [they/them,he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      We have kinetically assertained a nanoparticle style liquid phase tactical vaccine to compromise the virus to a permanent end

      with extreme prejudice

    • invalidusernamelol [he/him]
      ·
      edit-2
      3 years ago

      Now you only gotta have Marines sit still for one jab instead of 24, gives them more time to eat crayons and murder the children they stole them from

    • Coolkidbozzy [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      if the recipe was publicly available it could probably be used to help contain future novel coronaviruses

    • Esoteir [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I guess in some crazy fucking scenario where we're getting like a variant every week or something, it would technically have the lead because it's updates can have more data attached to it... i think?

      like installing windows on one DVD instead of 6 CD's type of thing idk

      • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
        ·
        3 years ago

        god please let the vaccine be feminizing if this prayer works I will become a devotee

        • kristina [she/her]
          ·
          3 years ago

          known to increase breast size by 8x and shrink balls by infinity

          • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
            ·
            edit-2
            3 years ago

            YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

            edit: I am now following Liberation Theology. Thank you all for helping me along my path to God

            edit 2: I just realized that masculine-identifying people may be caused dysphoria by this. I am now a satanist.

        • wtypstanaccount04 [he/him]
          ·
          3 years ago

          I really want it not to be. I know this is a joke but if it was real, I would lose my gender. Gender dysphoria is not something I would wish on anyone.

          • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
            ·
            edit-2
            3 years ago

            yeah i pointed this out later, sorry

            i wish there was some kind of voluntary magical feminizing solution or something though

            edit: I may not be cis :oh-shit:

            • wtypstanaccount04 [he/him]
              ·
              3 years ago

              :trans-hatch: Do you wish we could all be like Data's daughter? :data-outdoor-cat: https://youtu.be/Rt5qiYFdMnk

  • flowernet [none/use name]
    ·
    3 years ago

    some Jarhead goes up to the Vaccine soad fountain and pours some out from every dispenser until he has a big gulp of brown-green bubbling PfizerSputnikJohnson that has skull shaped clouds floating out of it.

  • LoudMuffin [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Also if this shit works then it just underlines how fucking spooky the USA is :agony-shivering: Imagine what kind of weird ass technology they are hiding from the plebs

      • SaniFlush [any, any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        They have that much power and wealth because it's all stolen in the first place. Ideally all the people of Earth would be like, collaborating on problems like this.

    • zifnab25 [he/him, any]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Imagine what kind of weird ass technology they are hiding from the plebs

      I believed this thirty years ago. Today?

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADE_651

      I imagine Pentagon R&D is absolutely overflowing with this garbage.

  • CthulhusIntern [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    "Shit, our bioweapon experiment might actually affect our wealth, and it's doing absolutely nothing to China, better release the emergency cure!"

  • Theblarglereflargle [any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    This may be the only way to get the far right to get the vaccine. Tell them it’s army tough and play up the troop BS

    • Alaskaball [comrade/them]MA
      ·
      3 years ago

      Nope the real army is in space fighting the posadist space aliens, along side Trump and the good guy aliens. The army we see is controlled by the deep state sjws to super-accelerate the white genocide plan before Trump wins the space war and descends to save us real Americans from the satanic communist deep state pedophile pizza eating democratic party

      • SaniFlush [any, any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I haven't had a pizza in almost a month, throw the pedos in a hole or something and you got yourself a deal.

    • bananon [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Alternatively they’ll think this vaccine was developed directly by the deep state and start blowing up vaccine clinics

    • MockingTurd [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      3 years ago

      Yeah I'm a dumb guy and science reporting is usually sensational bullshit. I was kinda hoping someone would tell me if it's real

  • D61 [any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    "US Army Create Mtn Dew Code Red flavored COVID Vaccination Paste, Effective Against All Variants"

    The only way to win.

    • Ploumeister [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      “Claim now for free 500 vbucks for the newest call of duty”

  • richietozier4 [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Wow the Chinese will believe anything their government tells them

    :so-true:

  • WammaWink2 [none/use name]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Uhhh, this exact situation is true about the Common Cold, if this is possible why haven't we created a silver bullet vaccine against that?

  • kristina [she/her]
    ·
    edit-2
    3 years ago

    human trials already? what did they change from the previous mrna vaccine, is this an mrna vaccine variant

    i mean them functionally having a bunch of us army slaves to test vaccines on definitely makes the whole science process faster.