California staring at Michigan's water bottles instead of her eyes
Florida: “they don’t know I’m high on K2 & bath salts.”
Everyone else: “yes, we do. You won’t shut the fuck up about it.”
Washington won't shut up about his organic, free-trade coffee brand. He used to run a consulting firm and is being sued by former employees over unpaid overtime.
He's also smoking pot and trying to demonstrate that he's smarter than CA with silly gotchas. Very big on "servant leadership", which mostly just means that he tries to have close, personal relationships with his direct reports in order to know how best to exploit them.
Arizona is drunk and out on the lawn, screaming about the federal reserve to a mailbox :alex-no-supplements:
Texas is talking really loudly in your ear about something you don't care about
New Jersey is cooking egg sandwiches on a cast iron griddle and smoking out the whole kitchen even though it's two in the morning.
Kentucky is milling around out back with a glass of bourbon and a lit cigarette trying to make conversation but no one understands what they're saying
Texas at the end of party is the threatening another state he’s going to get the gun from his lifted truck
Minnesota is drinking some overpriced craft IPA, wearing a very expensive flannel shirt and trying to chat up Oregon or Vermont.
Wisconsin is wearing a mossy oak hoodie and grubby Carhartt jacket and hurling a half empty Shlitz at their cousin Minnesota's head and screaming "Oh you think your better than me!?"
Minnesota is all of that, except they're also inexplicably trying to get people to play Bags.
(to people out of state, that's Cornhole. Also, pronounce Bags with an A sound like in the word "vague")
They also keep telling people their hilarious joke about Minnesota's two seasons
to people out of state, that’s Cornhole. Also, pronounce Bags with an A sound like in the word “vague”
That's wild.
Half convinced Minnesota is not a real place despite the fact that I lived there for years
They’re all bombing MENA, coup’ing Latin America and crying over Chyna.
Illinois is holding a poker game on the porch with Iowa, Missouri and Indiana with a deck he brought himself, hoping no one notices the subtle marks he put on the backs of all the face cards.
Utah is feeding people peyote laced drinks and doing group prayer for the people too drunk to notice.
Oregon would probably be hanging out near California and Washington, and ignoring Idaho's existence. They would be trying to one-up California and Washington about the great outdoors and how much better it is in Oregon. Oregon is extremely high.
Lived in the PNW for a good chunk. This checks out. Also I'd add that WA and CA don't really get along but mutually pretend they do when Idaho is around them
It isn't so much Idaho as any of the other states. Idaho is just the easy target because they won't shut up about the "good old days" and then talking about how they should deal with the foreigners like they used to, when they aren't too paranoid to get close to any of the states.
He absolutely hates California, though, and every time CA comes within eight feet of him, he finds a new corner while muttering something about "Not safe to stay near the moose-petter. Probably try to hug a bison next. Dumb bastard."
