- cross-posted to:
- the_dunk_tank
- cross-posted to:
- the_dunk_tank
Yes, it's an interview with a gusano. Yes, his family were business owners. Here's the peach:
"One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, 'Fidel is better than Jesus!' In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes -- nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and ... surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother's reaction: 'Helado! Que rico!' She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister's teacher."
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"In Cuba, we were upper-middle-class," Vivian said. "My grandfather was a bank vice president; my father worked for another bank and also wrote comedy sketches. We lived with extended family in a chic apartment. My sister and I had our own room; my brother had his own; we had a maid who lived in a small room behind the kitchen. She was a Spaniard and blind in one eye. I was a little scared of her."
I was a little scared of her.
Off to the blender with you.
I fw Jesus but if he was truly the goat he would have seduced pontius pilate like Fidel did to one of his assassins instead of just dying
:jesus-cleanse:
That's right Pontius, you wash those hands. You wash them niiiice and slow.
we even have audio-visual recordings of the guy and stuff he wrote.
“Let the one whom has no sword sell his cloak and buy one,” I love Fidel as much as the next person, but Jesus was kind of based as well
Jesus' message is filtered to us through 2,000 years of being coopted by the Romans, British, Americans and others, but he was based in his day.
I feel that this is a misinterpretation.
The gospels, even more so the Gospel of Luke, where (I think?) that's from very much portray Jesus as a pacifist, even within the the context of that passage.
The very next line from the Gospel of Luke Chapter 22 verse 36 is
For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: ‘And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.” So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”
The usual interpretation of that passage, is that Jesus had His followers buy swords so that surrender would have meaning, and not simply be because they were incapable of fighting, or to fulfill the prophecy of Isaiah that he would be treated as the head of a band of brigands.
It was in no way a general call for Christians to arm themselves.
When, in the same chapter of the Gospel of Luke one of his followers did draw his sword at the arrest, and cut the ear of one of the pharisees, Jesus rebuked His follower and healed the man he'd attacked.
When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen, they said, "Lord, should we strike with our swords?" And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, "No more of this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him
--Gospel of Luke Chapter 22 Verse 49.
You should change your sn to context :hasan-smash: ha ha, jk. I don't really know much about the gospels, I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass.
It's stolen almost beat-for-beat from an anti-communist short film whose name escapes me
If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? i think.
Seriously though, you're not kidding about it being beat for beat. He literally just told an obvious lie and people just accept it because who the fuck has ever seen that movie except a dedicated, decrepit anticommunist like him?
What the fuck, this wasn't even the movie I was thinking of. In the one I remember, the teacher was a woman and the leader was unnamed
I didn't realize this was an actual trope
"give them Nazi armbands... but put a hammer and sickle on them instead!"
"We will pray to our glorious leader Fidel Castro and our glorious Fidel will bring us all of the candy we can eat"
Communism is fucking awesome.
They say that Castro killed 30,000 people after the revolution, and their source is a sketchy web 1.0 site.
It got bought out, and all the good contributors got fired/quit while it rebranded into a generic sucky website
Cracked was one of the sites that leaned in hard on video production back when FB was lying to everyone about their metrics. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/10/facebook-driven-video-push-may-have-cost-483-journalists-their-jobs/573403/
I swear shit like this is custom-made to make me depressed
Exactly. These stories are always written so deliberately, almost like creepypastas.
i dont know why but i clicked on this expecting it to be an article about awesome facts about cuba, but written sarcastically.
The only reason Cuba has so many doctors is that Fidel forced dissidents into medical school. A five year old who was crying too loud? Medical School. His neighbor who never shuts up about his lawn? Medical School. A raccoon he found on the side of the road? Medical School
all cuban doctors are political prisoners
:maybe-later-honey: :speech-l:
lol this sounds like one of the many rumors spread in Cuba by the literal CIA about how the commies are gonna end religion and take your kids.
It's like if qanon chuds fled the country and 60 years later their children believed every dumb thing they told them and didn't realize it's insane.
Rumors which they used to actually kidnap Cuban children with the Peter Pan program.
Surprise! Ice cream cups on my desk! Can confirm that praying to Fidel for ice cream works.
As any Cuba related thing comes up, we must remember that in Cuba, a secretive, oppressive government has rounded up countless people, imprisoned them without trial, subjected them to horrific torture for decades at a time and that same govt laughs in the face of the international community's pleas to stop or even just let impartial inspectors in to ensure even a bare modicom of humanity for those poor souls left to rot.
I'm talking about Guantanimo bay of course.
you had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
i even checked ur account age to see if you were a wrecker or smth :che-laugh:
Lol yeah it is a good one to slap on the table whenever cuba comes up in discussion. It's 100% true as well and with libs it really forces them to dig Guantanamo bay outta the memory hole they chucked it in when Obama took over.
Still kinda crazy that Obama campaigned on closing Gitmo and then got elected and said "syke!"
Yeah I am just going on my gut here but tbh I genuinely think he prob at least intended to. It seems like a moderately easy enough win with the dem voter base.
I'd guess the CIA have more power than most people realise and for a list of practical (but still evil) reasons such as not wanting too many ppl to be able to say the worst of what happened and plain evil reasons like there's a decent number of em who just really love getting to torture people they basically put their foot down.
“One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, ‘Fidel is better than Jesus!’ In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes – nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and … surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother’s reaction: ‘Helado! Que rico!’ She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister’s teacher.”
I'm pretty sure this is a fake story that was repeated from defectors from the Soviet Union trying to make money off the anti-communism train.
The good news is that this is Cracked.com and no one reads it anymore so shrug
“One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, ‘Fidel is better than Jesus!’ In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes – nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and … surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks! I remember my mother’s reaction: ‘Helado! Que rico!’ She totally avoided any other comment for fear of whatever she said making it back to my sister’s teacher.”
:dril:
What actual year was it that cracked turned to shit? I remember it feeling like an almost overnight thing. Years of being prescribed Kermit pills hasn't made me a chud, but has made it so I can't remember shit.
Around the end of 2017 was when a huge chunk of the staff had left or were fired. So probably around then.
Robert Evans is the editor of the personal experience section of Cracked, and he tweets.
Where have I heard of this guy before?
Probably from his hit podcast series "Behind the Bastards" or "It Could happen Here" or writing from Bellingcat or from other users calling him Robert Fedvans here as Blep said.
He's not listed as a contributor to the article, but is referenced at the very bottom
You can learn more about Dr. Garcia's refugee experience and his first return to Cuba in 30 years in the award-winning documentary Voices From Mariel. Vivian became naturalized on her 18th birthday and considers herself blessed and grateful to be a citizen of the greatest country on Earth. Jason is an editor for Cracked. He has a Facebook page. Robert Evans is the editor of the personal experience section of Cracked, and he tweets.
the "and he tweets" part links to a non-valid twitter account
THIS is the Robert Evans listed on the "Cracked Members" page
and Fedvans has "formerly" editor at Cracked as part of his wiki
