Turn everything into a job, especially your love life. That always ends well.
Sitting around the breakfast table after the 6 a.m. day-care drop-off and "morning strategy walk" the Collinses take every day, Malcolm read aloud a text message from his mother. She wanted to know how he and Simone planned to monetize their pronatalism "hobby." "Remember: Everything is transactional," she texted.
My mom responded to my criticism of her transactional nature by saying “well shouldn’t we get something out of our relationships?”
I tell my other family members that once you realize my mom's first and really only concern is herself everything she does makes sense.
My sister still feels bad for her and let’s my mom walk all over her 🥴
Same, whenever my sister complains about her I encourage her to cut the cord.
real talk if i have kids i just wanna see them grow
theyre like plants but can walk
sounds fun
That paragraph made me feel so bad the first time I read it. And it hasn't lost any of its impact since.
When being constructively critical of your lover's performance goals, try bookending your critique in a compliment sandwich
My dudes really gonna shake up the couples meta with this whole "talk to your SO" thing
Also, an aside on the commonly repeated "US divorce rate at 50%". People marrying, divorcing, and remarrying drive the average up, with the rate for first time marriages being closer to 30% IIRC. Divorcé Steve, who has split with 58,493 spouses, is an outlier and should not be counted.
(Something similar occurs with misleading historical life expectancies—high infant mortality drags the average down, so while technically life expectancy in like 14th century France might have been 35 or whatever if you survived childhood you had a decent chance of living to 50s and 60s)
Steve is single-handedly keeping several photographers and caterers in business
As Chairman Mao would say, "not reciprocating during a 69; this is the 420th type of liberalism."
Date Night but you lecture your spouse on the finer points of wealth management. Just whip out a full blown PowerPoint
i think we can all agree that the most significant thing that date night as a concept is missing is performance reviews against key targeted metrics to drive synergistic growth moving forward into the next quarter
"Honey, listen. I want to drive our synergistic growth moving forward into the next quarter. You know what I mean? Right into next quarter. Drive really hard so—"
"Sorry, I'm not in the mood. Let's reschedule for Wednesday night next week."
"Next week?"
"I'm sorry to say that some of us are not working hard enough on our partner input-output balances. From scratch I'm reformatting and rebuilding our relationship matrix and then—"
"Okay, okay."
What's even the point of experiencing the human spectrum of emotions if they can't be broken down into digestible quantifiable data optics to show positive or negative growth?
is he trying to tell me to eat dinner with my spouse because yeah obviously
No, he wants you to eat dinner while interrogating your s/o with interview-like questions curated from self-proclaimed LinkedIn Gurus.
If you have to mindfuck yourself into spending time with your wife, it's entirely possible that you should get divorced.
hey what's his wife's email? i might be able to help her out
its always important to diversify your portfolio to hedge against the risks of a toxic investment
min max your spouse by not neglecting the collaborative, monthly macro while engaging in vigorous, daily micro. don't hesitate to find investors and go public.
Gamifying microtransactions via date night is the tech bro / gamer horseshoe theory confirmed
This is like those 90s tv jokes where they used John Madden style football tactics lingo and drawn on the screen to tackle eating a dinner, but for grindset lowlifes
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