• emizeko [they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Sitting around the breakfast table after the 6 a.m. day-care drop-off and "morning strategy walk" the Collinses take every day, Malcolm read aloud a text message from his mother. She wanted to know how he and Simone planned to monetize their pronatalism "hobby." "Remember: Everything is transactional," she texted.

      • FloridaBoi [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        My mom responded to my criticism of her transactional nature by saying “well shouldn’t we get something out of our relationships?”

        • Aryuproudomenowdaddy [comrade/them]
          ·
          edit-2
          2 years ago

          I tell my other family members that once you realize my mom's first and really only concern is herself everything she does makes sense.

        • kristina [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          real talk if i have kids i just wanna see them grow

          theyre like plants but can walk

          sounds fun

      • TillieNeuen [she/her]
        ·
        2 years ago

        That paragraph made me feel so bad the first time I read it. And it hasn't lost any of its impact since.

  • Mindfury [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    fortnightly sprint to improve my relationship with my wife

    • Mindfury [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      tfw hundreds of deprioritised stories in dev backlog

  • RION [she/her]
    ·
    2 years ago

    My dudes really gonna shake up the couples meta with this whole "talk to your SO" thing

    Also, an aside on the commonly repeated "US divorce rate at 50%". People marrying, divorcing, and remarrying drive the average up, with the rate for first time marriages being closer to 30% IIRC. Divorcé Steve, who has split with 58,493 spouses, is an outlier and should not be counted.

    (Something similar occurs with misleading historical life expectancies—high infant mortality drags the average down, so while technically life expectancy in like 14th century France might have been 35 or whatever if you survived childhood you had a decent chance of living to 50s and 60s)

  • FloridaBoi [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Family KANBAN

    Kaizen all the chores

    Iterate iterate iterate

    • zifnab25 [he/him, any]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      Date Night but you lecture your spouse on the finer points of wealth management. Just whip out a full blown PowerPoint

  • Vampire [any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Does this guy think he just invented dinner?

    • edwardligma [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      i think we can all agree that the most significant thing that date night as a concept is missing is performance reviews against key targeted metrics to drive synergistic growth moving forward into the next quarter

      • InevitableSwing [none/use name]
        ·
        2 years ago

        "Honey, listen. I want to drive our synergistic growth moving forward into the next quarter. You know what I mean? Right into next quarter. Drive really hard so—"

        "Sorry, I'm not in the mood. Let's reschedule for Wednesday night next week."

        "Next week?"

        "I'm sorry to say that some of us are not working hard enough on our partner input-output balances. From scratch I'm reformatting and rebuilding our relationship matrix and then—"

        "Okay, okay."

      • Dbumba [none/use name]
        ·
        2 years ago

        What's even the point of experiencing the human spectrum of emotions if they can't be broken down into digestible quantifiable data optics to show positive or negative growth?

    • Dbumba [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      No, he wants you to eat dinner while interrogating your s/o with interview-like questions curated from self-proclaimed LinkedIn Gurus.

  • Antoine_St_Hexubeary [none/use name]
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    If you have to mindfuck yourself into spending time with your wife, it's entirely possible that you should get divorced.

    • edwardligma [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      its always important to diversify your portfolio to hedge against the risks of a toxic investment

  • came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them]
    ·
    2 years ago

    min max your spouse by not neglecting the collaborative, monthly macro while engaging in vigorous, daily micro. don't hesitate to find investors and go public.

    • Dbumba [none/use name]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Gamifying microtransactions via date night is the tech bro / gamer horseshoe theory confirmed

  • footfaults [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Ok everyone bring their Fibonacci cards so we can estimate the story sizes for the week's chores

  • Metalorg [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    This is like those 90s tv jokes where they used John Madden style football tactics lingo and drawn on the screen to tackle eating a dinner, but for grindset lowlifes

  • WoofWoof91 [comrade/them]
    ·
    2 years ago

    :screm-a::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa::aaaa: