SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
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Let's have another good week everyone 
worrying about shit I haven't dealt with yet (transphobia) just bitching about shit, doomerism/suicide mention, negativity about being trans
Kinda freaking out about bathroom bill stuff. Society just hates us and makes it very clear they just want to inflict pain on me. People are genuinely just cruel. Society is always looking for a new excuse to throw me in jail/torment me just because I fucking had to be born this way. Fucking hate society. Today bathroom stuff is normal, they're working on making all trans kids go through the wrong puberty, and let's be real they're probably going to come after hrt at some point. Society wants to drive me to kill myself. What a hostile world. And this is literally the best anything is going to get as conditions worsen and apparently what does everyone do when food is harder to buy? Oh yea blame the people on the absolute bottom of the ladder. Fucking morons, all of them.
Whatever I told myself I'd stop posting about this topic because I'm such a fucking drama whore and terrible influence on everyone around me. God I'm so toxic and shitty.
eating issues
You know why I'm flipping out? Because I ate too much yesterday. Realistically I bet I ate less then 1500 calories, and that's still too much apparently. Why do I have to be in pain to not feel like shit. Why do I have to restrict so hard. Apparently my life is just inescapable pain.
Why fucking live like that. And it literally will never improve, society is getting shittier as conditions worsen, fascism is getting more blatant, and literally top of their list is trans people.
You're allowed to vent, that's okay. Obviously you're going through a lot, don't feel bad about venting. It's healthy to get stuff out there rather than sitting on it and ruminating until it turns into some physical disease. Sometimes just talking about how your feeling can help a person work through something heavy, so please by all means keep venting.
trans liberation
We've been through worse times and we will survive bad times - if they come. There's no guarantee, the future is worth fighting for. Previously stuff like a bathroom bill mightve happened in like the 50s and there would be nobody on our side except other trans people. Now through struggles like the AIDs epidemic we have an entire LGBTQ+ movement (L is first cause it was the lesbian nurses who were the only people willing to treat gay men and straight trans women dieing of AIDS). We also have some faction of the cishet as allies, some of them are fairweather but some are real allies. Our chances are better now than historically - which is partially why the fascists and their erstwhile allies in the right are freaking out so hard about it, they've lost so many battles in the struggle for LGBT liberation. Gay marriage is totally normal for example, imagine telling someone in the 90s that it would be a fight we could win.
doomerism
Conditions worsen but they were always illusory and held up by intense suffering in the third world, like profound suffering that's hard to comprehend if you aren't there. We will lose what we decisively call "the treats" - some of which are nice, like any time you want it air travel will probably go away for the sake of keeping that carbon in the earth. Nearly every person getting their own acre of manicured lawn, probably going to go away as we density or ultimately as we eliminate the contradiction between town and country. TV, content slop, corn syrup candies, cheap manufactured breakable goods, fast fashion, it's all going to change.
The treats aren't worth fighting for. What people seek out of the treats is to fulfill a part that's screaming out for liberation and solidarity and against alienation - alienation from what they produce, from their own labour, from each other. The treats let us keep that part of ourselves quiet for a while.
We can service need, just like the Manifesto says that includes not just the needs of the stomach but also the fancy. Yes, luxury, yes, art, yes, content (in some form, I have no idea what). So don't mourn the end of this era that will inevitably come, what's coming will be better even if it ends up being hard won
spoiler
I don't know who "we" is, but I won't. I guess its all those strong trans people I keep hearing about. I'm already a self harmy suicidal mess. If E gets taken away from me or they ban me in public I'm not sure I would. Which I'm not too broken up about because living through that sounds awful, living through this now is already awful.
They are already here and getting worse. I agree gay people have mostly "made it", for now. I still think being gay is different in a lot of key ways, I think it doesn't matter as much, I'd definitely rather society accepted me as trans and was good about it but I was never able to marry another girl. Its easier for people to accept being gay, its easier to hide, and its a much less significant part of identity. It also doesn't require constant medical care. I also think the fascists will come for gay rights soon enough as it is, and libs being useless fuckers will let it happen. Just like they've let all these fucking hate laws get passed. Whatever allies we have can't or won't do anything.
I'm not worried about personally losing air travel or whatever. I'm worried about what other people do when things get worse. Is blaming minorities and generally getting more fashy not a thing that happens in such cases? Certainly looks like what's happening. I also think you're underselling the effects. Look at rent prices, or how hard getting a job is.
spoiler
You will survive and thrive
Things will be hard as the system fails to distribute goods, yeah. We will need to do redistribute goods based on need and it will be illegal under the current system. We may need to squat as the system fails to distribute housing based on need.
Ultimately what unites us all is the need to work for money, all differences will be erased in the face of system failure - part of the freak out is that the people who were once in the charmed circle are falling outside it and are now amongst the disinherited, that's the source of doomerism you might see online. My people already survived the apocalypse 400 years ago when the settlers came, so I know we can all survive (my people already did) and I know a new world is possible
suicide
I will kill myself if that happens. I will not live under such fear. I need to shore up my plans to avoid being forced to stay here. Being forced to live through that would be worse then dying. I already didn't want to live through collapse as a cis person, I completely refuse as a trans person.
That's the reason half this country is frothing at the mouth to erase me, isn't it? Why it'll be illegal to get hormones? And another half that won't do anything to stop them. I sincerely wish everyone who wants to stick around for the shitshow the best, but that's not me.
for anyone concerned about my immediate safety, I have no means and no immediate plans. I simply will not stick around if the scenario terminal describes happens.