SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
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Let's have another good week everyone 
romance stuff i guess
torn between wanting a partner and knowing i can't provide any kind of stability. i hear people talking about wives and i'm like "how did you find someone to put up with you long enough to plan a ceremony" because that is such an alien concept to me. i know what i'm good at: levity and familiarity. i know what i'm bad at: consistency and vulnerability. my energy is enough to draw someone in but not enough to keep them around and i don't know how to change that. i opened a bunch of therapy workbooks and i just keep the tab minimized and out of sight because confronting this part of myself is 100 times scarier than anything to do with gender
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feel this really hard. I have ADHD and OCD and my previous girlfriend broke up with me probably along those lines — I couldn't provide consistency and I had constant mental spirals around my relationship that I couldn't really control. I also have horrible anxiety around all text-based communication so like... I know I can't do long distance. I want a partner and I could probably find one if I tried, but I don't want to mess it up again with my multitude of brain problems and so still haven't dated anyone since my first girlfriend. It's hard. Transing my gender was the easy part, confronting my neurodivergencies and learning to work with them to be a better person — I don't even know where to start.
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it's even worse when you get into the fact that queer dating includes a lot of working around other people's neurodivergence as well as handling your own. i don't think i have the emotional intelligence to handle my own shit as well as someone else's
Real