Fanart is by Syurii22.
Toyosatomimi no Miko is a character in the Touhou Project series introduced in its 13th installment, Ten Desires.
Miko was once Prince Shoutoku, a Japanese leader in the 600s known for promoting Buddhism and streamlining the Japanese government. In the Touhou lore, she was visited by Taoist hermit Seiga Kaku, who had heard about Miko’s longing for immortality. Seiga introduced her to Taoism, but she rejected it as a religion unfit for placating an entire country. She was intrigued by its promise of immortality, however, and privately converted to it, advocating for Buddhism to keep Japan stable. After drinking an “immortality elixir” (mercury sulfide), however, she was forced to let go of her body and become a supernatural hermit like Seiga, notably taking on the form of a woman, making her a canonically trans character (
).
After convincing a hermit from a rival clan (Mononobe no Futo) to sleep without decaying, Miko followed in suit, waiting for a time where a Taoist Japan would revive her in search of guidance. However, Buddhist monks were able to keep her mausoleum sealed, and the legends surrounding her were slowly brushed off- which led to her transportation into Gensokyo, where the folklore of old is a reality of everyday life.
When she awoke in Gensokyo, it was right after Buddhist monk Byakuren Hijiri opened her own temple, however, leading to a surge of divine spirits across the realm, setting up the events of Ten Desires.
What look like headphones on her are canonically earmuffs- Shoutoku was allegedly able to discern between ten questions asked at once, an ability carried by Miko (although with her enhanced abilities, she can also analyze each person and determine their inner desires (thus the title of the game))- although it means her hearing is highly sensitive and has to be muffled to prevent pain.
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Maybe a good place to start
Have you asked her what being non binary means to her?
There's also a few non binary people here, including myself, I'm agender and post quite a bit on my experience as well as other enbies here, as for online I would start with the wiki to get some ideas of the various identities, I don't really seek out that many youtubers and I don't use tiktok. Maybe find some stuff on tumblr but I honestly wouldn't know where to start myself there, you tend to find us in trans spaces.
The whole last paragraph sounds like it could be a mix of societal pressure, social pressure, maybe some form of dysphoria and you'd know your mother better than me, but it is possible that you have trauma around that.
yeah I will ask, my original comment was the result of a convo between the two of us, i think she's still working it all out, maybe she's done some more thinking on it.
thank you for the link, i'll check it out after i finish this post, haha. (although if you're seeing this, the post is finished and i'm probably reading it). i'm actually wondering for myself too ...
re. last paragraph, yeah this is a topic for Cool Therapist (although she is v. expensive yikes!), but agreed, it seems like i got a cop part somewhere in me trying to protect me from something or other with regards to how i want to present. (also: i don't leave the house much, in general, even less since covid, so it's already exhausting to do so some days, so wearing comfort clothes is helpful, .... it would take me an hour to type out all my thoughts on this probably lol)
(oh my god i went through so many drafts on this post ugh i wish i could post as easy as all of you)
I think that would maybe be beneficial for the both of you, it helps having someone else to bounce feelings and thoughts off so I would go that route, plus wiki is handy for trying to figure things out too c: You're welcome for the link ^^
It can be difficult to narrow down so maybe talking with a few different people may highlight some specifics in regards to your own issues, and your friend may also be cheaper than a therapist lol at least I would imagine it would help a lot in this sitch. For myself (in regards to wearing skirts) it was just I couldn't find something I was comfortable with or how to fit certain clothes into my wardrobe lol I goth it up when out so it should have been easier but I also grew up in a rough place and I feared for my safety too so I have a bit of that inbuilt wariness which was affecting me, not so much now (I procured 4 more skirts to add to my wardrobe this week) As for social stuff and getting out well I feel you there I'm autistic and have social anxiety too, I can combat that somewhat but I can get overwhelmed too so I totally understand
I'm well versed in conversing and posting hard, but advice and such I've been doing this for a long time so I'm fairly decent, you'll get better if you keep posting which I hope you do, I'm sure others here would be happy to help or just talk y'know.. don't stress too hard about it, it's just a post c:
yeah that's probably best, will probably meet up with her this week i guess. it's so weird, like her i used to consider myself Very Binary, 100% female, but I guess this stuff can change over time? once the male bits of myself were removed (well, mostly...), and i took years to heal, i'm starting to realize that "woman" feels restricting
i really really do not want to spread these contagions, please don't read this if you don't want new anxieties
i hear you, i've lived in XXXX forever and never had anything bad happen (so I can't relate to "grew up in a rough place") but knowing the spooky mean-word-sayers are out there (and i refuse to think about anything worse than that) keeps me in line, and like you can even split this anxiety into multiple categories:
REALLY BIG WARNING HERE, DYSPHORIA, SIZE ISSUES, EXTREME PRIVILEGE
i should just get things i like. i do have things i like, i just can't/don't wear them outside the house (even wearing inside the house is a little tough sometimes because it feels weird to put in effort to stay home). i have this image in my mind of you just effortlessly fashioning it up, and me being tangled up in like my own clothes like they're christmas lights on the floor, lol.
yes, i'm starting to wonder if it's a bit of both for me as well. all of this is wrapped up in masking/people pleasing/fawning/whatever, as well as social anxieties.
i learned to mask (partly) before i transitioned, so it's unsurprising i haven't been able to conquer these feelings without realizing that there's something deeper going on than just anxiety - i really really didn't know how to present myself in the world, read social cues, or even greet people properly until very late in my development (super loner here, i was the stereotype walking around the edge of the playground at recess, lost in my own world, or tinkering with some gadget), and i think that it not coming "naturally" is part of the puzzle, somehow. and ... maybe some alexithymia too, which might be the reason hearing other people's experiences is really helpful to me. thank you for sharing
on the plus side, since i started obsessively reading/watching about autism, i've made a ton of progress on myself, the fact i can even externalize these feelings probably wouldn't have been possible otherwise.
please don't feel obligated to respond, i know this is a novel, i think it helps just to get these thoughts out
This is how I feel about most labels, I don't feel gender no matter what presentation though I like presenting Femme. I don't really get dysphoria or euphoria either. Within me is a void so that's it. I just dress how I feel like or mix and match styles.. I don't associate much with gender for me personally but I know the binary exists because you see the choices everywhere..
My anxieties are more having to deal with NT people, not really anything gender related. I shut down verbally when overwhelmed or just not interested in talking lol,
I am confident and don't really care what people have to say or think generally I am very strong willed and minded. So don't worry about brainworms for me, I'm quite resilient ^^
As for masking I never learned and I was ostracised for being autistic and looking queer lol I grew up with no friends, abusive household and constant bullying at school, it shaped me to rise against shit and it gave me my confidence I guess.. so I wear what I want, I wear whatever however I want. I wear makeup how or when i want, I truly have a no fucks given attitude.
When I found out I was autistic I went on a 3 year research special interest lol but that included a lot of other forms of neurdiversity too. Though I've taught myself quite a bit and because I analyse quite a bit I can read people fairly decently, but I still have blind sides to some NT cues and such, it can be frustrating. I would recommend learning as much as you can because it can clear up some things you probably haven't thought of, it's great to finally understand yourself better even if it takes a while..
I'll respond because it's a good post c:
thank you for sharing, that's cool as hell if you don't mind me saying
:O i hope you don't mind me making this a transition goal
yeah i hear you, i'm 2 months in to the reading and it's been really really helpful so far. i'm branching out a bit too just so that i can be a more understanding person in general and because i like understanding people better. it's really starting to hit me that figuring out what's a mask and what's me is going to take a very long time (and also re-contextualizing a lot of memories, which so far has been healing)
It used to cause me a lot of worry and feeling alienated until I figured out it's just being agender and then that lifted the veil so to speak.
of course not, feel free
I found every time something helped me understand myself it was like finally being able to see things clearly and then I was able to work towards accommodating the quirks or things to help me going forward. I learned I had misophonia and a load of other things too.
Hopefully in time you'll find more things to help heal/help you going forward, it can be a slow process but rewarding to finally have insight into how you experience the world.
thank you!
You're welcome c:
stupid yapping
I feel so utterly cleansed reading these and just being like "Yeah, but what if no lol though?" about it. The idea that there are 'wrong clothes' for your size or personality (?!?) or whatever, prevailing fashion trends?! Very goddamn silly to me. There are clothes that flatter certain body types but like, if it looks good on you it looks good, you'll figure it out I'm pretty sure.
Sorry to hear you deal with these brainworms, but it sounds like you're making good progress on it. Hope it continues to be good for you.
lol my partner had the exact same reaction, it all feels so ridiculous and contrived when i say it out loud, i want to dump it all in the trash too. hope i can look back on that post and laugh soon!
Uncritical support to rtstragedy in her battle against badthink