her,,, expolde
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I am once again running on too little sleep
not getting enough sleep feels horrible
I'd say I'm used to it since it's a pretty regular thing for me, but it's not exactly something you can get "used to"
Tired is tired, even (especially, really) when you're almost always tired
I have a habit of getting at least 9h of sleep and I'm trying to stick to that as much as possible, though sometimes I've went late to sleep and it absolutely broke me for a few days. I naturally lean towards getting sleepy over 11pm and that helps me. Though I still feel mentally tired due to my environment so still
I've been lucky if I get more than 5 hours lately
Idk if I have long covid or not but I keep blanking on words lately when I'm tired and end up Porky Pigging them and describing them with a description instead of the word before I remember it
"You know, the thing... uhhhh, the... soap handkerchief?
...
WASHCLOTH. FUCK. Ugh"
this can be an auism trait. I get it too. where you know what it is but can't sift through your words to pull it out. End up describing it to try to get it off the tip of your tongue. It has something to do with free recall. It's also fairly common, some will have it more frequent than others. I have it nore if I'm tired or burnt out.
It definitely gets worse with poor sleep and burnout
I was never formally dx'd but I have a bunch of spectrum-y traits and both of my parents do too so I'm pretty confident about that
I feel like I mask pretty hard irl but "acting normal" and dealing with too much socializing irl with small talk and a lot of eye contact really wears me out and I struggle to remember what I wanted to say a lot because I'm more focused on overanalyzing other people's body language and expressions and tone and trying to get a read on whether they think I'm being weird
Mhm my traits flare up more in those cases, I end up stuttering and everything it's pretty bad when I'm exhausted, frustrating too.
I haven't been dx'd either but I tick all the boxes and I score highly on tests and such.
I can do socialising if people let me relax and talk to me normally, you'd be surprised how many don't do that and I can struggle in social interactions because of that more than anything else, I have a strong personality and I like to joke and such so that helps me power through the anxiety but I need other people to help me so to speak.. like if I feel comfortable I'll talk away without any issues. It's when people treat me like they don't want to talk or are cold or talk around me is when I'd start to have major issues. I get drained more in those situations because I'd be more on observation and analysis mode and then shut down verbally so it can be more exhausting for me in those cases.
I've never acted normal because I never learned what normal was, I can be strange to people who aren't used to me, I'm quiet until I open up but I don't have issues if people let me open up if that makes sense. I don't give a fuck what other people think at this point, I'm just me, what you see is what you get and well if you don't like that I couldn't care less. I've had enough shit off people my whole life it really isn't any fucking skin off my back if someone I don't care about doesn't like me. Y'know.. like I really don't care. I do care if I upset people obviously but I try not to and hope people can at least see that I'm genuine in how I am, I know the autism can seem strange to others and I have been misread before but I am one of those people that some dislike outright, again I just don't care if I'm liked or not. I am a weirdo and that's what I'll always be ^^
Yeah, I do fine when the person I'm talking with is also a good listener and gives the conversation some room to breathe, but I can't stand overbearing motormouth people. I don't usually talk much and usually only assert myself if I have something important to say, interrupting me irl can make me livid
Yeah I can sit and listen, I'm a great listener but I need some time to process too. Small talk I find boring, I hate gossip too so like that can make it difficult too depending on what someone else wants to talk about. Plus expect me to say I don't watch or know what you're talking about so please explain and take your time ^^ but yeah motormouth people it really depends on the subject, I can happily go into verbal shutdown and let them tell me what they're into, I do like infodumps but if it's a subject I'm not keen on or they're obnoxious and an asshole it won't be pretty.
I generally don't get angry that much or pissed off, people have cut me off and talked around me so I'd just go non verbal and wait until they or I have to leave but I can amuse myself.
i feel this, and yet I am one of those people who can't stop talking sometimes honestly, i have the classic "gotta get the words out" problem if i'm even remotely interested in the conversation, it's probably a lot to deal with tbh. i'm sure that tendency comes across in the frantic word jumbles with multiple immediate edits i call "posts" on this site (i jump around a lot when i'm writing, i already wrote the second paragraph...)
i worry a lot that when people get to know me that i can be overwhelming once the mask starts to slip, and well i overcompensate sometimes by trying not to have too many irl friends, although i want to change that a bit, even if we chat primarily over text itd be nice to have people that know my name, maybe live nearby so we can help each other out, etc. i'm trying to figure out all of this now that i understand myself better.
i even get really insecure about my posting online here "am i responding too much?" "is this really an appropriate context for an infodump?" "am i showing too much emotion?" "am i being creepy/clingy/annoying?" etc. i'm telling myself "it's ok it's ok, people here understand, they know you're autistic and this is a valid way to be." some friends in my past were not as kind
I respond a lot too, you're fine
maybe this is weird
re. the second paragraph, i'd love to have friends like you tbh
I just embraced my weirdness when I was young and never stopped ^^
i was wondering about this actually, sometimes i pull out a word that's half right, either in spelling, meaning, or sound. i usually am so proud of myself for getting close, lol, but i'm sure people look at me like "wtf"
I can tip toe around something so hard that I get frustrated and upset that I can't get the word, then about 20 mins later I'll pull it out easily.
YES lmao exactly, it comes out later and everyone is like "what?"
IKR it's like nice to get it finally but suuucks when you can't get that word out lol
That happens to me but with English and instead I speak my native tongue or vice versa, it's so annoying lol
oh yeah! i think it's similar, it's like if english was my second language sometimes, despite it very much being my only fluent language lol
Me too,
I get around 6-7 hours a night. I can go on less but my body has gotten into this rhythm for a few years now
Eventually one of us will get healthy sleep and can teach everyone else, like Prometheus.
i was up late playing tactics ogre (the battles are a bit longer than I expected), and then couldn't sleep past like 8:30 because i was thinking of all the posts i should make here, lol