(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it"). Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
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I'm not gonna interrogate you on why that is, but overcoming that fear or whatever it is standing in your way is what I would strongly urge. that is what will benefit you most in the long term. if you really can't for whatever reason you can still get bloods you'll just have to hand wave any questions that come up around your levels... (like I said most docs are just gonna put 2 and 2 together) it will make it more awkward of a process but not impossible. doctors aren't cops. all you need to do is get your hands on your bloods numbers, you can do the research yourself to know if they're within goal levels. not trying to sound harsh or make assumptions but it seems like the barrier is more of a mental one for you than any concrete aspect of the medical process standing in your way. no judgement of course but that's my 2c. depending on where you are there may be specialized bloods services that are a bit more anonymous than a regular GP visit/are just for you to get those numbers with no expectation of followup treatment so that could be worth a look. you're definitely overthinking how invasively they're likely gonna act about the whole thing tho. not saying it never happens but most docs are a bit more normal than that
I think you're assuming that I live in a particular part of the world and the medical system I'm dealing with is the same as yours
you are on this website speaking english so I did assume you're in a western anglo country yeah. i tend to assume most folks on here are in the US. sorry if that was wrong and you do live somewhere with a much more hostile medical system to people like us. if that's the case I'm obviously not qualified to be giving this advice. but even if you're in a red state in the US or whatever it's my impression things aren't so bad yet that a doctor will report you for being on diy or refuse care or something like that. patient confidentiality and duty of care is still a thing.
Tbh in the US things seem to be moving towards the point where it is that bad. Maybe thats just my shit take tho. But people can be charged for helping people transition, for helping people get abortions, etc.
But like, even in "good" countries, someones personal situation can create very real dangers. If someone is an immigrant, for example, then importing a gray market drug for personal use can be fraught, even if the drug itself isnt strictly illegal (as estrogen often isnt). Some places limit the amount you can import before you need to register as a farmacy. One 10ml vial of 40mg/ml estradiol is a lot of dosages, and it may fall above that line.
Personally I haven't had any issues yet. I've only interactive with PP and a couple of nurses I've mentioned being on E to though. OTOH, my state's AG has already attempted to make a database of trans people from medical establishments IIRC and has instructed Department of Transportation to forward any gender-change marker request to make database, so it seems there are some attempting to make it very unsafe....