Final Fantasy XI
Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!
During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.
Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.
He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.
However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”
After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!
I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!
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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
GenderIsOpSec (10/28 - 11/3) TheChemist (11/4 - 11/10) Zvyozdochka (11/11 - 11/17) oscardejarjayes* (11/18 - 11/24) HelltakerHomosexual* (11/25 - 12/1) GayTuckerCarlson* (12/2 - 12/8) Luna* (12/9 - 12/15) Eco* (12/16 - 12/22) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Update to this comment
I have been laying down some successful rizz
I'll keep it as vague as that. Saying more could entail... "violations"
Still no commitments, but I really hope she does come over sometime soon. I'll likely feel a degree of excitement previously never felt before when she does.
Just spent 3hrs to "hike" 5.2mi (8km) which involved a lot more crawling under blowdowns and scrambling up and down steep valley slopes on all fours. Despite this, I am not a pup. My watch says I burned 1250 calories, though, and I feel great. Now riding a cable car to a temple.
Ah fuck, I found it, in Whipping Girl! Here we go:
I have also met some people in the transgender community who feel that identifying outside of the male/female gender binary is superior to, or more enlightened than, identifying within it. Such people often express gender anxiety (binary-phobia?) at people who identify as either female or male.
I'm done, lmao.Yes, Julia, I am certain that A) being non-binary is something people do purely as a "moral high ground" kind of thing, B) that their expressions of negativity toward the gender binary are exactly the fucking same as cisgender people imposing their belief that men should be masculine and women should be feminine on others. I am certain.
Binary-phobia
This is where that weirdass bit about "genderqueer is a privileged identity only accessible to college students with punk rock haircuts" type shit in Nevada comes from, isn't it?Trying to envision the conditions under which someone pulls the 'nice gender loser your mom give it to you?' bit on binary genders, and she gets so heated about it that she enshrines it permanently in her book and creates a theory about how they're oppressing the binies, lol
In all my time reading gender anything it's one of the worst takes I have ever seen.
Whipping Girl quote:
Let's face it: if cissexuals didn't have a subconscious sex, then sex reassignment would be far more common than it is. Women who wanted to succeed in the male-dominated business world would simply transition to male. Lesbians and gay men who were ashamed of their queerness would simply transition to the other sex. Gender studies grad students would transition for a few years to gather data for their theses.
Julia, you must know better than this, I'm sure of it. It's not like subconscious sex is the only thing standing in the way of this... the example of "succeed in the male-dominated business world" bears that out pretty clearly. They're not just unfathomable because on a profound, subconscious level, sex... This is so weird, is she going to go into Gender Accelerationist theory about gender fascism and shit or do I have to fill that part in myself?Also some of those examples are like, step away from the fucking lathe, miss.
By contrast this quote fucking slaps:
Perhaps the most important conceptual change that has facilitated the gradual acceptance of LGB folks over the last twenty-five years is that straight people are no longer able to take their attraction to the other sex completely for granted, to assume that it is the one "natural" form of sexuality. They now recognize that, like queer people, they have a sexual orientation too-they are heterosexual. Similarly, I do not believe that trans people will be fully accepted in this society until cissexual people recognize that they also have a subconscious sex and that, if they are not battling a constant barrage of subconscious thoughts about being the other sex, then their subconscious sex most likely matches their physical one.
This makes me pause and think about all the shrieking cis people do about the label cisgender, or even spicier cissexual. That's right cissies, it's a SEXUAL THING! Does this mean I should be going even harder and bullying every cissie who rejects it? Probably...
So I struggle with "subconscious sex." Do you think it's real? (This was the bit I really wanted to ask about, actually)
On the one hand ... subconscious sex is a possible explanation for dysphoria, but it's kind of rooted in the binary, right? She seems to be using it to describe that mismatch.
On the other hand, sex is made up based on gender, as the GAM says.
I still have this big question - why is dysphoria? Where does that mismatch come from?
I like the concept I think, because it takes that whatever a person says their [gender/sex/etc] to be, that is true. Once again Serano has brushed up against genius here, she says "gender is fuckin fake shit, I changed my sex this past year" in her way. The protip is to read that your sex can be whatever the fuck you want, then it makes more sense! Sex is itself not binary.e
I think the term only seems rooted in the binary because Serano is mired and drowning in the binary. For many people, the solutions to their dysphoria are not expressed in a binary manner. Plus, some things may truly be societally created, y'know. I'm not stressed about it.
hmmmmmm, okay I like this analysis! esp your second paragraph explains why I felt weird about it
I visited a trans friend of mine, this weekend, and bought a couple of very cute dresses! :3
dissociation/dysphoria
I don't understand what's happening. Things should not actually be this hard for me. I should be okay. But I don't feel okay. Its wrong. I feel disconnected. And then I'll be reminded of the wrongness. I'll speak, or feel my body, or hear "my" name. I feel like I'm in a dream. But this isn't a dream.
self harm, scars
I have a very strong desire to sh. I have the accidental stuff from shaving, it hurts but I want more. There's always more. I'm somehow 13 days free from using something sharp. I can't sh. I don't want to keep getting more scars. I'm already upset about what I have.
spoiler
Congrats on 13 days! That's a big milestone!
I hope you feel better soon
spoiler
Thank you! It's been difficult. I've really wanted to hit 14 days. Hopefully more milestone posting in the future. :cat-trans:
spoiler
Edit: things are not great, some not great thoughts, but I think I'm going to be okay tonight.
I have been Very Productive today (also check out my new extra pronouns! Wanted to try taking those babies out for a spin and seeing how they feel)
I wanted to take a nap when I got done doing everything but my brain wouldn't shut up so I drank a gay lil' energy drink and am gonna play vidya while the kitties are all napping
Show
"Five" kinda sucks but getting to mow down zombies with an AK-74u as Fidel inside the Pentagon is neat
aww c'mon McNamara, quit jackin' my Kennedy when I'm tryin' to dick Nixon, you know I don't got time for that
"Calm down, Dick" still haunts my mind. I laughed so hard when I heard that
I kinda love how shitty the impressions are with the voice actors lmao
Nixon is like, sub-Futurama
validity and body dysphoria
Some days I still wonder if I'm really trans or if I convinced myself of something something something.
Those same days I struggle to hold back tears as I stare at my own legs and compare them to my girlfriend's and think about how much hair removal I need to pass a vibe check in the mirror.
Such is life ig
In happier news I finished my last session of laser for this round and I'm really happy with the results. Gotta wait a few days or 2 weeks or so to let it grow out and see how it actually looks now so I can get a new referral. Gonna try and see if I can sneak the little hairs between my eyebrows as well as my sideburns in the referral.
now that I have my job and moved to an apartment the procedural barriers to actually doing something about my gender have all but eroded. Theoretically I could go to an informed consent place and get an HRT prescription. It's just really scary to consider doing that
I've found myself really consumed with doubt when I think about it, which has been less so now that I'm working full time and have less time to idly contemplate my identity. Truth be told, living as a guy feels... fine right now. Not great, but not the worst thing in the world? Shouldn't that not be the case?
I'm scared that I've been deluding myself for almost two years now. Cis people supposedly almost never think about their gender, it's said, but I'm unusual in a lot of other ways. What if I'm the odd cis person that does think about their gender? What if I'm tricking myself just so I get to feel "special" and not like a lame guy? Or what if these OCD symptoms I've been discovering with my therapist are behind all this, and it's just something I latched onto as an obsession that doesn't really mean anything about my identity after all?
I'm thinking about just going for DIY HRT so I don't have to show my face at a clinic if I turn out not to like it. That's giving me some hope, the idea that if a cis person takes the wrong hormones they feel like garbage. That way I know for sure, right?
Thinking about this gives so much anxiety, but I know that if it is something I want then every second spent waffling is another second wasted. My habitual over-analysis goes in circles. Makes me wish I just didn't have to exist so I didn't have to figure this out. I see my therapist tomorrow so I hope she has good advice for me
I really recommend "living" a bit with a different gender presentation, in whatever form that feels good to you. I also am someone who over analyzes my own thoughts and gender, but doing things as simple as, trying on femm clothes I liked and just going for a walk and doing some errands, experimenting with a femm voice in online voice chats was all it took for me to instantly realize I never wanted to stop ever again. The only real way to know if you are going to want to live the rest of your life with a different gender presentation is to try it out. No matter how scary that prospect may seem, the alternative is much scarier, don't let fear stop you from being happy. <3 you got this
trying on femm clothes I liked and just going for a walk and doing some errands
To be quite honest I would explode if I tried this. I'd just be a guy dressing up in girl's clothing which really, really freaks me out. I don't really view myself as a girl trapped in a guy's body, but instead a guy who would prefer to be a girl ya know?
I also don't think I would dress too too differently from how I do now, just a slight splash of femininity I guess
I do like the idea of putting some clear coat on my nails as I've heard suggested, it would help me keep from biting my nails too
Why does the concept of wearing feminine clothes outside freak you out? Is it a concern for what others will think of you, or a genuine desire to not want to dress in that way. Also, when you say "I view myself as a guy who would prefer to be a girl" what do you mean by that? And what is your motivation behind potentially starting HRT?
Anyone know a good budget alt/goth clothing store here in Yankee land?
It's ridiculous when cishets get mad at you for suggesting that someone might be an
How dare you push an innocent cishet to question their own gender and potentially find out that they're not cis. This is oppression.
I mean you did punch a hole in cisnormativity for this poor cowardly dweeb. The cis will be furious at that, lol
Yeah, one minute they were acting like the biggest "ally" ever, and the next they were like
I like how all the right-wing attempts to create an alt-right pipeline for women have largely backfired. Classical Abby was laughed out of the room, pearlythings became a punching back, etc.
Then you see guys like Destiny and Asmongold. Cis men are apparently a lot easier to manipulate with a much lower bar of entry. You can look like a malnourished rat amped up on crushed Adderall with awful opinions and they’ll become your devoted cult members.
The tradwife tiktoks are probably the closest to alt right pipeline for women anyway.
And we shouldnt pretend it's not working, there are platforms that are totally rife with that shit, women posting uwu don't be mad at me I look like this, contrast pumped to 11 to make their eyes more blue, a black sun tattooed onto their whatever
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