Final Fantasy XI
Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!
During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.
Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.
He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.
However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”
After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!
I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!
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Journaling, Navel Gazing
So I'm several hours away this week for work training. This is the same place I was at when my egg cracked back in January. It's really weird being back here since so much has changed. 6 months of HRT and a lot of therapy will do that I suppose. I spent a lot of time last night ruminating about the year so far, and the things to come. So I might as well journal my thoughts.
I can't believe the progress I've made. I have accomplished so much in my life this year so far. I've neglected so much for that last few decades and it feels good to get things done. On top of getting my life together, I also look so different and it's amazing. I have no idea how the cissies around me haven't noticed anything. Or maybe they have and just haven't said anything about it. I do worry about how much longer I can effectively boymode.
On the topic of boymoding, it really hit me last week that one day soon I'll boymode for the last time. That day is approaching and I'm sure I'm not ready for it yet. I barely go out in public in girlmode, though I am getting braver. I really need a new job before I can do anything major, since being outed at work would probably get me fired. Most of my coworkers, all of my management, and a lot of my customers are violently transphobic.
I've been applying for jobs like crazy. But I'm kinda on the fence about how to present for job interviews. I don't know if I should include pronouns in the resume, deadname and chosen name, or just use my chosen name. I am currently applying with just my dead name, and that's probably the easiest for the short term.
Outside of all of that, I want to start streaming regularly. I need to set a schedule and stick to it. I think that streaming will help me work on my voice, as well as help me with my general anxiety. I'm surprised at how anxious I get when I stream, or hang out on vrchat, but it is getting better.
Anyway, just want to end by saying I love all of you.
if you can build up the confidence, i would recommend aiming to apply for jobs under your chosen name and presenting as your preferred gender. this is what i believe benefits people in early transition most in the long term, although i understand it's difficult!
This is complicated at the moment. My boss recently found my resume on indeed. If he had found one with my chosen name, it would have been awful.
Is this because you think you won't be able to convincingly do it anymore or because you are wanting to stop?
Congrats on the progress and good luck with the search. If you are trying to find a place that will be accepting of you, applying with chosen name and present the way you want to after you are hired seems like it would give you an outcome you'd prefer even if it causes a lot of anxiety and making getting hired harder.
A little of column A, a little of column B.
I'm also talking about a day that is still months or a year away. I guess I just never gave much thought to the fact that one day "dead name" will be dead.
This isn't an option at the moment. It's bad enough that my boss found my resume on indeed. If he had found one with my chosen name it would have been so much worse. Some day though.
Hopefully just because they are hiring and happened to find it rather than stalkerish behavior. Surely, their response was to offer either better pay or working conditions to try to keep you, right?
Yeah they are hiring for a different location and I got recommended to the other location as a potential hire. It wasn't a case of stalking.
Their response was to ask me if everything was ok and made me pinky promise I wasn't looking for jobs.
I refused to give a direct answer to my boss when asked if looking for new jobs. Like... I wasn't. But they don't need to think that.