Final Fantasy XI

Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!

During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.

Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.

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He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.

However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”

After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!

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I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!

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  • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]
    ·
    3 hours ago
    spoiler

    Yeah, i have internalized entirely the idea that everyone leaves. Everyone will leave me, and im just waiting for that to happen. I steal my own happiness because of this narrative, but i cant get out of it.

    yea I struggle with this too. Some people leave/have left, some people are still stuck around, some of them I worry that if I say the wrong thing it'll all be over. It's not easy, I still have the creeping fears of rejection as demons to struggle with, if someone says something it can trigger it, it Sucks.

    I cant seem to be open and honest with my friends very often. But with strangers its no problem for some reason.

    Yep!! I know this too, that's why I started posting here! Too many words, I was drowning in them. It was kinda low-stakes since I didn't have strong attachments to anyone.

    Im trying tho. I want to be vulnerable but just cant, i dont want to burden them, i dont want to alienate them, i can find a million excuses.

    I think it got easier with time for me and I had to kinda start small. The inciting incident, if you will, was that a long-time friend of mine made a joke that hurt my feelings a number of months ago. And I was upset about it for like a month. And I couldn't tell her, other than not laughing at the joke, how I felt. Telling her about it would have been a big messy thing, but I've since been working on opening up to her about positive emotions (because those are easier to communicate) first and it's been going pretty well. But it was nerve-wracking to let the mask slip, luckily she's been very kind the entire time meow-melt. I have to believe that it can go well, I can't stay like I was.

    I've also had some things not go well, despite me trying my best.

    Well, regarding emotional regulation, i just dont have good or healthy outlets for my emotions i guess. I feel really strongly or nothing at all.

    Ah, yeah I am some form of ND (probably AuDHD, started reading about it a few months ago) and so I have a very different emotional profile to most NT people. I can't remember (sorry) if you are ND as well. I think I've just accepted that my close friends will have to be a similar presentation of neurodivergence to me.

    Regarding my lack of emotional object permanence, its like what im feeling at any point is what i have always felt and what i always will feel. It gets difficult cause, well, for example Im afraid that I love bomb people unintentionally because when im in love with someone i feel like i always have and always will, and I lose myself. Or like, when i am in a rough space, i always have been there and always will. I cant remember what its like to feel other things.

    I have been this way. I wish I knew how to help, I try to distract myself these days when it happens.

    Theres more i could say, idk if its interesting or worthwhile..

    Up to you if you want to share, I will do my best to listen, but I will have to bed in an hour or so and so I may only respond tomorrow depending on timing.