Yeah I know dating apps bad etc
I paid 17 dollars for the week pass allowing me unlimited likes 💀 of course because I’m desperate and they force you into that choice because using it for free you only get 5 free likes a day lmao. The problem is NOBODY fucking responds back to my messages, I’ve had 2 conversations out of 20 matches, one of the convos died after I asked them out, the other convo just ended abruptly for no apparent reason. It’s really demoralizing to say the least but I just don’t understand, if they don’t like me and accidentally sent a like they should just unmatch right away but they don’t.
The future is grim. How does anyone meet anyone anymore?
You have to just find 1 friend with a healthy social life and everything becomes instantly easier since you'll regularly meet their friends,
Guess I need to find better friends because I have a couple of these and I've never met any of their friends lmao
This is all true and what I figure to be the case too. Just feels like maybe I don't truly vibe with anyone and that I'm just the token "weird" friend.
Then again, a couple of them have also said they'd introduce me to some potential dates but then just never brought it up again so idk.
If it makes you feel better I rarely get invited to big social functions either lmao, maybe like once every few months
I'm just making friends with a bunch of other weirdos who accept my weirdness but also recognize I cannot vibe with most people
I don't know myself. To be honest, I just gave up on the prospect of having a family and currently skillmaxxing to cope. But I find that it's easier to find people to talk to and make friends when you have something to accomplish or just do together, like college, some random classes, gardening club and such. And sometimes you know, friends might become more than friends. Or might not. Wouldn't hurt to try, eh?
I have 0 friends and been living in NYC for three years. I’m losing my mind lmao
What are your hobbies? There is almost certainly a group that meets regularly to do something you like
Their might just be a dialectical relationship between your hobby and lack of friends there comrade.I’m looking into bouldering again but it’s having to commit to paying 130 a month which is a lot of money.
Yeah, there's no damn third spaces anywhere anymore. But for your health and well-being, that $130 a month might be well worth it.
I remember watching a short documentary on outdoor bouldering in NYC. I don't remember which park but there was something to climb somewhere and the community was really cool.
I been doing that although I pay less. I gotta say I've met a lot of people that way at least In the gym, haven't really met up with them outside of it but I'm always talking to people and and meeting people there
I gotta say I've met a lot of people that way at least In the gym
My gym seems to be a completely non-social place. I've been going like 3-6 times a week for nearly 2 years and not one person has tried to strike up a conversation with me.
It sucks because it's like the one public place other than grocery shopping that I go regularly, is fun to go to, etc. But it seems either nobody goes there to socialize or I'm too unattractive for anyone to talk to me.
Climbing gym or regular gym? Bouldering -> very social. Any other gym -> least social thing ever.
If you' re bouldering it's so easy to strike up conversation with people who are working on the same problems as you.
Separately I can't really comment on how you look obviously. I do however think that like, pretty much everyone benefits from trying to dress well in clothes that fit you, keep your hair well kept, trim nails, etc. I see your pronouns so like, I also think, as a woman, looks are less important than general vibe and confidence. Being confident is important. I care more about how a man makes me feel than how they look
Climbing gym or regular gym? Bouldering -> very social. Any other gym -> least social thing ever.
regular gym. why are they such un-social places? lol
Idk. Like, I barely look at anyone else in a regular gym. Everyone around me I see is listening to music and stuff. It just a very solo kinda thing unless you're doing some group activity
Go to play/kink parties. Start with a munch (casual social for kinksters) to dip your toes in. There's for sure tons in NYC. Depending on which ones you go to, you can also find ones with lots of queers, trans people, NDs, etc.
You can also try to find ones that fit your gender or racial identity though those are a bit harder
i've heard about these and i'm interested. i'm not in the US but i am in a very large city, so they presumably exist, but i've no clue how to find one - fetlife was my only lead and that appears to be kind of dead. i picked up a flyer for a regularly scheduled kink party at pride, but that seems to be pretty intense and have a very high bar of entry (expensive elaborate dress code)
if i can find them, would it be weird to go to one of those as a virgin? i don't really know what i'm looking for or how to talk about some of these things 🙃 would it be safe to go alone as a visibly afab person?
I'm not into my scene, just been to a few and know friends who go a lot. You should def try to find fem parties, they exist where I am. Also, just coincidence but I went to a queer POC one and most people there were AFAB surprisingly. But the hosts were also mostly AFAB and it was largely private invite only
A lot of play parties are kinda private though since it needs to be a safe environment so you kinda just have to try and meet people in the scene. I didn't try to look for any but because I gravitate to people/spaces with lots of queers, drugs, art, and neurodivergence, there was a lot of overlap with kinksters
I don't think it'd be weird to go to one as a virgin. Actual penetrative sex and even oral sex in my area at least is rare since kink/play is much more expressive and varied than typical sex acts
ban dating apps. all people must only meet at cracker barrel and approved walmart parking lots
i met my girlfriend on tinder. i’ve had multiple dates before off other dating platforms as well. facebook dating seemed the easiest to match with and talk to real people but that was back in its beta mode so i can’t speak for how it is now it’s definitely hard tho. especially when sometimes it seems like you’re clicking with someone and they just ghost you. but you’ll find someone you like who likes you too eventually. if i can do it then i think anyone can
Dating apps make money by creating feelings of loneliness and desperation, and then selling you a promise of connection. But if they actually delivered, then you wouldn't be a repeat customer, would you? That's why dating apps are a pit of despair, I wouldn't recommend them.
I met my gf on Bumble after trying all the different apps. Dating sucks. It sucked before dating apps too. It just sucks different ways and in different intensities now. Don't take it personally. It's just the nature of it. Keep trying (not to the point of causing yourself pain) and you'll find cool people.
For what it's worth Bumble is what worked best for me. Actually got the most dates out of it.
I met my ex on bumble and it was a very strong solid relationship for a long time. We had to break up due to like, irreconcilable differences but that was unfortunate
Conversations with total strangers on an app is liberalism. Ask them out in the first like/message.
"Hey, (person name) I really dig your profile, would you like to take a walk in the park or grab a cup of tea sometime?"
It's that easy. No conversations, ever. Like another comrade said, masc presenting/dudes never ask women out. So you will be a refreshing change of pace. You can't tell if you like someone via text anyway. You'll find out within 15 minutes in person. (In my opinion)
Ask out everyone you're interested in at a slow pace. Line up three dates for the weekend. Expect two to cancel.
Don't ask for a date "sometime", give it a time frame like "this week". Short conversations are perfectly fine and lead to more than 1/3rd of your dates showing up.
Going to events, hobby meetups, clubs, etc, is always going to be 100x more effective at meeting people than the accursed apps. They have a financial incentive for you to be unsatisfied and keep swiping. Obviously don't be that person who shows up just to try to pick up people, but seriously you gotta go outside. I understand if maybe you live in a remote area and there aren't many things going on, but in almost every situation going outside is more effective and less demoralizing than the apps. Especially if you can find something that's regular and you can attend weekly or monthly or whatever. That's how connections form naturally, by being in the same place as other people and slowly getting to know them. This thing where we look at some photos of people and then immediately try to talk intimately with them is extremely unnatural, it's no wonder it doesn't work very well.
Idk I get lots of likes and everything but guys literally just won't ask me on a date? I'll say something like "Oh I wanna meet first haha just to know you're not a crazy person and stuff" and they're like "haha yeah ok'" and then never actually plan a fucking date. Like come on.
On the other hand I have met multiple friends on dating apps lol. But that's way less pressure. I did meet a very long term partner on an app too I've had luck with them, I'm just honestly frustrated with how the men are, and how they basically want to fuck and don't want to put any basic legwork in.
Well I'm always interested in women but I've always dated women. Would like to try dating men. Who all seem very interested until they have to do literally any kind of thinking or work... Thing though is I don't accept this as expecting too much, I've done this stuff many times in my life when I was a guy. And it wasn't hard.
That being said I think I exist in a weird spot right now. I think some guys see me really as like a fem boy or something and are acting out some kind of chaser or gay fantasies, and as a result don't want to be seen with me in public. Or my vibe is a bit too masc for them... it's like I can talk to lots of people but nothing ever happens unless I make it happen. No one else is making it happen at all...
Ofc it's very easy to meet other trans women. It's now more difficult with cis women though, something I've noticed. I don't really get that but whatever lol
It's now more difficult with cis women though, something I've noticed
Same, though I'd imagine a lot of that is just there is way more cishet women than sapphic women. I've had way more interest with bi/lesbian enbies though, I feel like they typically only date other queer people
Oh yes part of it is that there are less lesbians however, I have over the past 8 months essentially had 0 interest from lesbians or even bi cis women. A little surprising tbh to me at least, I thought I would be an ideal for bi women
The only cis girl who has a crush on me is straight 😭🥲
Veeeerrry interesting. Yeah I hear a similar thing from other places from my friends. I mean, cis lesbians here are cool too it's just I don't think I'm very seen as a woman so there's just no interest. I need to do voice training lol I'm pretty sure that's seriously hindering me at this point
Yeah I just feel super aimless with voice training. I'm still not out at work so I just end up having to go back to the man voice for like 8 hours a day, and I have a bit of a mental breakdown when I hear my own voice so my voice training has been fruitless. On top of that I do have a naturally pretty masculine voice, it doesn't exist in the middle or anything where I just have to make a few adjustments. And the way I talk I think is pretty masculine.
However I finally got myself together and I have a consult for a voice coach this Friday so yeah. Hoping someone can help me with this
How does anyone meet anyone anymore?
Take up social hobbies, anything from rock climbing to tabletop rpgs will push people together
Meeting people this way also ensures you definitely have something in commonHinge is a weird name for a dating app, sounds like the kind of place I'd go to to find a racist uncle to date.
I’ve met some really good people through dating apps but it really is a numbers game. I’d say that on average out of 100 matches I only have 4-5 conversations that last longer than a few days before one of loses interest and stops replying. It can be pretty disheartening to churn through so many people but from my experience it pays to be picky. I’ve only ever been on 5 dates through dating apps but they all turned into relationships because I didn’t waste my time with anyone I didn’t feel a mutual connection with.
Stick with it and eventually you’ll find someone, just gotta be patient. Also it depends on where you are but I’ve found bumble to be the best as the girls on there are usually much more serious
Dating apps are literally luck based. At some point you'll see someone you like and they'll like you back, sure, but in reality that person might not be looking right now, or might be on a date with someone else and ignore their other matches until it falls through, or they might have given up altogether.
The hardest thing, but the best thing imo, is to try and back off a bit: do a few swipes on a break at work or whatever and then ignore it for the day. Maybe a few messages then ignore it for the day.
As for meeting people (albeit platonically in my experience), there are loads of activities that people like to do and meet people. Stuff like board games cafés often host mixers. My partner does gymnastics at an adults class where she's met friends. I know others who do climbing, running clubs, all sorts. You can probably find something you like by searching up a hobby you enjoy and "mixer" or "social".
Met my gf on Hinge. 5 free likes a day was plenty, I "liked" only people I legitimately was interested in going on a date with and sent them a message with the like. If they liked me back they'd usually send their own message (70%? more often than not) and I'd pitch a casual coffee date within a few messages. If they just "liked" me without responding I wouldn't double-text. If people aren't responding to you, I think there's probably something wrong with your messages. E.g. if you are sending like "hi", "what's up?", etc, people aren't gonna respond. If you message first (especially if you are masc) you gotta be prepared to carry the conversation and also show that you've looked at their profile. There may also be something wrong with your profile. Maybe you have a disqualifying quality, like being a communist, that people only notice after matching with you. If so I would suggest to make possible deal-breakers and red flags more obvious in your profile. Cuts down on the useless matches and makes your profile more interesting to the ones you're interested in.
You've probably already noticed this but in my experience Hinge skewed conservative. Pity since it's the best dating app tech-wise.
Yeah like I'll say I've done dating on both sides now, and I'm realizing that the competition if you're masc kinda sucks. Like, I was getting a lot of luck by just... Proposing a date, with a location etc, something casual pretty quickly? I picked up the tab etc all the things that are "expected" from a masc presenting person. And it usually went well.
In my experience most men out there basically want me to just come over and suck them off or something. They put in absolutely no effort and a good portion can't even control themselves not to be weird as hell and be overly horny with me. A good half of the messages I get are some version of "I want to fuck you now" which, tbh, is fucking weird!! Like I don't even know you sir!!
gross. honestly I've had a couple first dates that ended in sex and at least for straight men it's just not good bc of power dynamics. My armchair psychoanalysis is that these men either (a) are just legitimately fucked in the head and could still get their rocks off with a partner who is still background worried for her physical safety (b) don't actually want what they want, and that's why they're half-assing the whole dating app thing. So they can say they put themselves out there but they don't have to be actually vulnerable - self-destructive behavior except they're doing it by being actively shitty to women
met my absolute dream girl on Hinge a few weeks ago after grinding for a few months and getting curved multiple times. Keep on swiping it's worth it!
