Hello comrades and welcome to the third improvement megathread of December! 
We recently had an influx of new users and I'd love to hear from them. This is the weekly improvement thread where you can say how you're doing, post your Ws and Ls.
As leftists, there are many excellent reasons why we should strive to become the best version of ourselves. This is the space where we improve together and share our progress.
Here are some of our usual discussion ideas:
- Do you want to share something you've done in the previous week? Everything counts, nothing is too small.
- Do you have any goals or plans for next week?
- Do you have any streaks? For example, "sober for one day." Feel free to post your streak every day in this thread.
- If you don't have a continuous streak, did you manage to abstain from something for a day or more?
- Did you come across some useful information or resource that might help others?
Poster caption: "Conquering Space!"
Good luck with your goals! 
Probably not the place to post my repeated L's but I have been continuing my downward spiral. I just can't seem to give a shit about anything and the future feels non-existent which completely kills whatever drive I had to better myself. I'm just not doing great in a multitude of ways and I have no idea how to steer the plane out of the nosedive that I feel myself in.
This is definitely the place for posting L's, we all have them and it's important to share them as well. I had a bunch of L's this year, mostly related to health issues. My turbo unsolicited advice: I remember your comments when you were posting massive W's in the thread week after week, maybe it would be a good idea to read them
My problem is that all of my W's felt hollow. They didn't make me feel any better mentally nor change the structural shit that are the real foundational problems for me. Yes, physically I felt better. But that didn't cross over into other aspects of my life and that juxtaposition is part of what made me spiral. I'm still broke. I still hate my shitty job. I'm still not happy with my life in general. There are aspects of my life that are going alright and I do appreciate them but the big, foundational stuff feels even more like an unchanging monolith.
This feels crazy, but for the first time in months I'll be sleeping in a clean apartment. Depression and burnout are such a fuck, and it's weird how the right mood can come from strange places.
Last week my landlord called me to say "hey, can I go take a look at your apartment". I felt so freaked out, because my lease is up in the next weeks, and I can't afford any other apartments in town, so I wanted them not to have anything bad to say about it. My apartment was a pigsty, with the accumulated garbage and dirt of 9 months of depression and overwork just strewn everywhere. There were dishes in the sink that hadn't been cleaned in literal months.
I set time aside every day to try and clean something, for at least 20 minutes that I would spend doomscrolling or posting instead. And finally today, I asked a cleaning lady I know to give me a hand deep cleaning the apartment. We took out so many garbage bags, but we made it.
I feel like crying right now. It's the first time I've felt happy and at home in this space in God knows how long.
And speaking of motivation coming from strange places, I've been dogsitting the sweetest dog for the past week, and taking her out for a walk early in the morning and late in the evening has been soooo good for my mental health and energy levels. I'm walking between 3 and 5km with her every day.
When we're not going around town braving the cold air, she just lies next to me on the couch or on my bed and I just pet her while she chills around. I think my friend doesn't let her be on the bed, but I don't mind being the doting friend of the family that gives you 20 dollars, winks, and tells you not to tell your mother.
In other news, I started getting tested for ADHD last Friday, Yay! First round of tests was an IQ test, which felt really weird but whatever. @ReadFanon@hexbear.net, are you familiar with the WAIS being used as part of diagnosing ADHD and/or autism? It felt really out of left field.
roll call
@SeventyTwoTrillion@hexbear.net
@TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net
@LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net
@Tomorrow_Farewell@hexbear.net
If anybody else wants to be added to the roll call, just let me know
My goals & intentions for December
Status report:
- strength training on point
- haven’t joined a gym or started rowing machines yet. That’s actionable.
- weight goal unclear
- booked appt with new ADHD psychiatrist
- booked screening call with therapist
- I booked and visited a dentist but went to the wrong clinic so rebooked another visit
- steps at 10k average and I’m cycling a lot so this is on point
- 1 social dinner with friends. I bailed on another to have a date night so need to focus on friends for at least 1 more
- cardio goal achieved
Overall tracking very well.
Actionables:
- 1 more social evening just with friends
- join a gym for row machines
- strength training can be more consistent
- should be tracking weight goal and should admit it was probably too ambitious, consider adjusting this goal now with half the penalty (lose only 1kg from whatever it is now, and no drinking in January)
I should use rowing machines more, I normally do incline treadmill or stair master for cardio and neglect arms kinda
(I do cable rows and pulldowns for a pull day but I want a bigger lower body and less prominent shoulders and torso proportions so I get kinda gunshy about arms and shoulders)
My tip for the week: Matcha tea is a great replacement for coffee. You don't even have to brew it, you can just put some in a bottle and shake it since it's a powder. I started doing that recently and it's pretty great. I was inspired by this section from the book How Not to Die:
Show
I had recently been talking to a coworker about matcha and I'm really giving it some thought as well. At most I've reduced my intake of coffee and replaced it with energy drinks. I've been pretty selective with which, but I think matcha would take it a step further.
Matcha is great because it's basically zero effort, I just put the powder into a bottle and it's instantly the healthiest beverage in the world! It's a zero effort habit that has a lot of benefits so I'm gonna be doing it regularly now
You recommended that book to me earlier didn't you? I should check it out, put it on a list but I haven't been reading much lately and my list keeps growing faster than I can get through it
Yes, I recommend it any chance I get. My list is also forever expanding so I feel you. But my question is how many books do you have on that list which are going to extend your life by 5 good years? Take the broccpill
Had a dip my number of workouts this past week. Kind of predictable since I'm back at work now. I was afraid I may have reinjured my knee on my last gym visit, but it ended up being fine. Just got back today with a [mainly] leg day, with some back exercise reps. Knee is feeling just fine so far.
Need some new weights for an adaptable dumbbells, but I've been slacking with that little task.
Generally still struggling with some of the social stuff that I've been hoping to work on. I'm weighing whether or not to just wait for the holiday season pass, but IDK... Just sucks not hanging out with people.
nicotine
Gonna make myself quit smoking after this pack
(SpongeBob narrator voice) This time, for sure
Have a vape and tried zyn but they're just not the same ughhh
6th(?) times the charm though?
fitness
Gone to the gym everyday since November 11th, sometimes multiple times
Hit my old 2020 PR 1rep max on leg press again recently and scared the hoes
It was at the end of reverse pyramid sets too, so my fresh 1rep max is probably even higher, but I'd have to steal like all the 45 plates to hit that and I'd have to have a couple spotters and like nobody else in the gym lmao
Down 4 belt notches, face and tummy slimming and ass and legs lookin' p good ngl
Need to do more core conditioning, want to program a push day that doesn't suck to me (least favorite by far, achy shoulder joint and forearm/wrist issues from my career at the hog cranking factory. I got retaliation fired for trying to salt the floor, fuckin' pigs)
Want to be able to do a dragon squat and a muscle up and bench more than my bodyweight, squat and deadlift 2x leg press 5x (I'm a leg press sicko)
Want to feel more confident free barbell squatting and deadlifting again, might want to learn Olympic lifts, those seem cool but I'd want a trainer for technique and that costs extra and I'm not really swimming in dough
mental health
Very lonely and stressed dealing with family shit
Been meaning to reconnect with best friend from years ago, miss friend dearly but we went silent for years and it's scary and overwhelming
Gonna send friend a Christmas present and letter and hopefully reconnect
Have a homemade gift I think friend would like and a thing to ship it in that was originally gifted to me from them
Need to come up with what to say in the letter and practice my handwriting, I hate my ugly pen(enby)ship
gender stuff, presentation
Actually getting happier with how I dress? Got some clothes recently I actually like? Getting slightly femmier in my day to day and kinda like it? I feel more confident at the same time I feel more acutely weird to normies which feels kinda weird but I'm doing better with that mentally
Got a cute raincoat and new boots and gym clothes I like a lot
sobriety, alcohol, drugs
Relapsed on alcohol last week, had a tallboy and a small black box of wine
Stayed away from spirits
Clean this week
Unsure I really want to try being a teetotaler long term and think I might enjoy the occasional beer or wine but I was (or am, but dry mostly now) a pretty heavy alcoholic for awhile and falling off the wagon even a little kinda scared the hell out of me
Been micro dosing shrooms and taking kratom and those both have been really helpful for me
I think I'm unconsciously funneling my addict impulses into exercise and worry I'll burn out at some point but things are coming up LocalOaf for now
- certified ass mood
- i’m trying to not drink coffee, so any coffee is failure, but even then i drank way too much
- ate real food 3-4 days
- baked a cake with some pals
- planned a party
- porn binges in some mornings but i didn’t let them ruin the entire day
- got a house appliance fixed
- had a shitty meeting with a hostile clerk
