Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...
I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).
Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.
CONTENT WARNINGS
Grief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given
Premise
The titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.
The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)
Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)
"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).
Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).
Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).
Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.
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Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
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dooming
sorryI can't do it. I couldn't do it before and I definitely can't now. I am weak and a quitter. I can't. I just can't do any of this. There is no "better future". Its over and I'm fucked.
si/death
I've known forever I'd end up killing myself. I know how it'll go. My family will be devastated. I wish I could make them understand.
Alone on the street somewhere. What an end. Its not fair. Why couldn't I have been happy.
urges
thinking of relapsing. Someone talked me down last time and if I do it again I'll feel like I just wasted her time. I think I can keep holding on for a little bit.
It’s a new year, you got this
thank you
spoiler
No not really, this year is just going to be more suffering, just suffering here until I leave
spoiler
I want a break. This is horrible. I feel so bad, I can't even describe this. I want it to stop. Why can't it stop.
I'm sorry mega, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking downer, a waste, I'm sorry. I wish I was different too.
absolutely not a downer comrade 🫂
I'm glad you don't think so
You’re not, nor will you ever be, a downer. You’re our friend and we care about you very much. Please try to hang in there.
spoiler
You're not a downer, you're a nice lady that's struggling and it's okay to vent and feel shitty
I sadpost a lot too and I know you wouldn't talk about me the way you talk to yourself, it sucks that shit hurts so much sometimes (well, often, but same) but please try to be kinder to yourself, okay?
spoiler
god I wish I'll try to be kind to myself. Really just saying how I already feel tbh.
I don't wish you were different, frankly, I don't know you — I recognise you're a human in suffering using the same verbage I use(d) when in a rlly bad spot.
You're not a burden.
(っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ hang in there my friend
Thank you, I am trying