I'm oscillating between overwhelming joy and crushing anxiety. I'm not sure what type of world I'll be bringing this child into, but I'm still deeply excited.
Does anyone have resources on parenting books by communists? I'm anxious and I want to feel like I'm doing something, but I don't want a parenting book written by some consultant fuck, if I can avoid it.
Congratulations! I hope you didn't break your volcel pledge for this though...
I can assure you, my wife's boyfriend is the biological father.
I've got an almost one year old. Best advice I have is to just sort of be there and do what the baby wants. Learn her cues, etc. Also, in a goofy way zen stuff sort of helps. You are frustrated because you desire the baby to stop crying, if you lose that desire you can become calm, then figure out what that baby is trying to say. The baby is trying to communicate, and you can learn how to listen!
Thanks, JohnBrownsBooty. It's good advice and I'll keep that in mind.
And congratulations! The anxiety fades over time and the joy gets bigger. Despite the horrors of creeping fascism and climate collapse, I don't regret our daughter.
Good to know. If we're not training the next generation, someone will. At least I can read the manifesto as a bedtime story and conduct arms training.
I've been reading Mao to my girl I'll probably switch to less explicit theory when she's more cognizant and focus on critical thinking and morality (don't want to "assign" her an ideology) then when she's older I'll help her pick it back up.
Advice: learn ASL. Kids can sign before they can speak. if you teach them to sign for food, hungry, water, milk, etc they’ll tell you exactly what they want. it’s also adorable to see your kid sign mommy and dadda.
There's not exactly a wealth of evidence backing that claim up, but it definitely doesn't hurt to teach a little sign language as well and do it very early.
Yes! It's fun and you really only have to know like 5 or 6 basic signs to have good early communication
You should have a comrade reveal party where you throw a milkshake at a fascist and it's a red milkshake revealing to all your loved ones it's going to be a comrade
Haha! A comrade reveal party and instead of burning scrubland caused by fireworks, we burn a police station.
Jokes aside though, congratulations. Best advise I can give you is to always reward behaviour you would like to see more of and only that. Also really think about what constitutes a reward. Negative attention can also kind of be a reward if the alternative is no attention. Best of luck. I'm sure you'll be a great parent.
The attitude you've displayed in this post totally makes me believe it will.
Yes! And it's black smoke coming off it signifying it's going to be a black bloc antifascist
I feel jealous for the kid who's gonna have a cool revolutionary dad.
Haha, I'm not sure how cool I am, but I really appreciate the confidence. Makes me less worried.
Dude, congrats. I remember well the alternation between terror and excitement. It's going to be ok. It's actually really hard to break a baby if you're not trying to break it. They're pretty good at letting you know what they need.
When it comes to parenting, what works for me is boundaries, openness, and contact. I try to have a clear idea of what I expect my kid to do and not do, and I try to convey those boundaries to him and what I will do if he doesn't meet those.
Within those boundaries, I try to pretty much let him do whatever the fuck he wants, and I try to engage in conversation on his level as much as I can and help him feel comfortable telling me about his feelings nd thoughts. Openness about the easy stuff means he'll be more likely to let me know about the tough stuff.
Also, I've learned that contact (physical contact and eye contact) is a really good way to increase happiness chemicals in the child brain, so I try to give my son lots of hugs, cuddles, and kisses, and also look him in the eye. It's weird to just think of increasing his happy chemicals, but it works for me.
You're going to get so much advice, and you're not going to do as well at keeping the advice as you want to, and your kid is going to be just fine. Take deep breaths.
This, right here, @Steely_Gaige, is the advice I wish I'd received over a decade ago. Every word of this post is The Truth, full stop. But I'll expand on it and say that you don't need to worry about most of this shit for a good long while.
Taking care of a baby is not rocket surgery. Is it stressful as shit because you're going to be sleep deprived for a whole goddamn year? Holy fuck, yes it is. But it's not complicated—babies are 100% bottom tier Maslow pyramid shit. Fed? Not covered in pee or poo? Warm hugs and sleeps? Let me swipe at jangly things? Congratulations, that's literally all you need to manage for most of a year. I was fortunate enough to be able to take parental leave to take care of our babies, and the first year was simpler than taking care of a Tamagotchi. Babies are dumb as hell, and I am so grateful.
The rest of how to raise a good kid, well... I'm still working on that. @BaptizedNRG seems to have his head on straight, though. Firm boundaries, with general freedom within those boundaries, is working pretty okay for us. Only time will tell if they have the guts to put their parents on the wall after overthrowing the bourgeoisie. But I hope they do.
Haha, I appreciate you saying this. A part of me knows you're right, and that I'm just gonna bugging. I think it's all gonna be okay, really.
Right now I think it's just my own anxiety and what have you. My mother really echoed your thoughts. In that, shit wasn't easy, but it was simple for like a year.
This very grounded and solid advice. I really appreciate it. Some part of me knows I'm fretting too much.
It sounds like you've got a real healthy attitude, sounds awesome. And yeah, I'm not striving for perfect, really. I know I'm gonna fuck, kid's gonna fuck up, etc. I think you're right, man. Just be open, kind and reasonable.
congratulations man.
I'm trying to remember what I read when my sister was about to be born... I remember leftist books were actually hard to come by and it was way easier to find reactionary conservatives suggesting you use "traditional parenting" methods (ie yell, scream and beat children) and all of those books have introductions about how no one else will say what they're saying.
Actually my big recommendation is if you are worried you might lose your temper or yell at your kids, read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Seriously sounds patronising and dumb but as a child abuse survivor I cannot tell you how important this book is.
Hey, thanks for the advice. I'm sorry that happened to you. I do worry about that. I'm not a guy that yells or anything, but I can't help but worry I'll fuck it up real bad.
I'm fine with patronizing titles, honestly. I just want to be a kind and understanding parent. Thanks for sharing this, btw.
I had the same worries. Like Im known for not losing my temper and being very laid back about things, softly spoken and sensitive but I was terrified that I would lose it and be like my stepdad. That book honestly helped a lot. After reading it a lot of my worries just faded away. Definitely give it a read because it helped me so much.
The big thing I will say is that you know more than you think. It sounds like feel good nonsense but somewhere in your brain you already know how to deal with a child far better than you realise.
Also everyone forgets this but learn how to easily put on and take off a nappy (diaper) before the baby is born. It's honestly something people overlook and end up worrying about. Sounds dumb but trust me. It's a weird weight off your mind to have something physical and practical you can do yourself.
Definitely, definitely. I'm glad it helped ease some of your anxiety. I'm gonna check it out.
And yeah, I hadn't even really thought about some of the mechanics involved in raising a kid: changing em, feeding, etc. I got wikihow this shit.
You ever need help or anything drop me a line. I have read every baby book going and helped with child care since I was 13 (I have 5 siblings, so you know). Big thing though - always stay calm. You got this.
Also the mother is going to need you way more than you or her think and she will find it hard to see your contributions when she's in the midst of things. Don't take that personally. Every mother does it, it's basically because her body and mind go into mother and child mode and discount everything else as irrelevant information.
Honestly kudos for taking things seriously and not panicking. My mum's abusive boyfriend was 50 and he panicked, denied responsibility and tried to prevent anyone from finding out. You're already doing better than he did.
Congratulations!
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Thank you, Dr. Benway. I'll look into that. My angelic wife is a teacher, so it may be nice for us to read anyhow.
I saved this mostly because I figured if this archive was good enough to edumacate a kid, it'd be perfect for my dumb ass back when I was just starting to learn basic theory.
The Marxist Archive of Children's Literature
If anything it'll be a good read or a point in a decent direction for good reads for both you and your kid down the road
I bet Stone Soup is in there. Or maybe not,, maybe there is something horribly problematic about it that I've never noticed.
I believe there is a RevLeft episode on parenting but I never listened because I'm not a parent lol. Congrats though!
try to do whatever Kamala Harris and Pete Buttigiegs' parents didn't do
This may be more difficult to follow than some of the other advice here, but you have my word that I'll try my best.
Your partner will probably need a lot of rest. So you will need to step up in the six-nine months of pregnancy (or sooner) and after birth. Pick up chores. Let them sleep. Wife and I did shifts. I had mornings-afternoon, and even evenings. She had evening and nights (cause of clusterfeeding).
don’t get too invested in apps. but we had one app with the same loggin and we could log food, diapers, and sleep. it made alternating tasks ( and answering doctor’s questions really easy when you could say the baby is having 36oz of formula, or sleeps x amount each day.
Oh, damn, yeah, I didn't even really consider the logistics yet. I'll keep that in mind. Luckily, I already handle the lion's share of domestic labor, so I'm hopeful my wife will be able to rest and take care of herself. I'm more worried about her mental health, but that may be unfounded.
Oh! Start buying diapers right now (or if you can handle the mess, reusable cloth diapers). My wife and I asked for diapers at our baby shower and would buy a pack + wipes, every other grocery trip. Also stock up on desitin, we had a lot of raw booties.
Haha, okay, sounds good. A lot of shit to plan for, I reckon.
