Think black rifle, but completely mask off. Point out that black rifle and other fascist coffee roasters are using 100% Arabica coffee beans. That just won't do for good Americans. I want to offer them an alternative, at a premium of course. 100% Robusta premium coffee. I'll charge 10% more than other leading fash lifestyle coffee brands for coffee that you can buy for nearly half the price wholesale.
Because it's shit, and they deserve shit.
Coffee is such a good grift. Like 2000x mark-up if you make the the modern-minimalistic aesthetic and brew it one cup at a time
I always see bespoke box (cool stuff for men who aren't pussies) ads on tiktok and twitter and there was one with a coffee brewing device that looked like a minature meth lab.
Jesus those bespoke box / fun box things make me cringe so hard. It's like subscribing to an identity.
Beatnik box. We send you a curitated box of drugs once a month. This month is a 10 pre roll marijuana joints, a vial of racemic ketamine, ten strip of acid, 10 amphetamine chocolates, a spoon, some microfilter cottons, one gram of china white heroin, and one of those comical old timey syringes with the two loops.
Ok but I want this.
Next month: 10 preroll marijuana joints but it's ditch weed and there might be a seed that explodes your face off, 2 time release seroquils but they're broken in chunks to defeat the time release, 100 tramadol pills, and a can of gold spray paint.