Think black rifle, but completely mask off. Point out that black rifle and other fascist coffee roasters are using 100% Arabica coffee beans. That just won't do for good Americans. I want to offer them an alternative, at a premium of course. 100% Robusta premium coffee. I'll charge 10% more than other leading fash lifestyle coffee brands for coffee that you can buy for nearly half the price wholesale.

Because it's shit, and they deserve shit.

  • quartz [she/her]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Spray phytoestrogen on the beans and roll this plan into the gay soy agenda

    • MasterCombine [he/him]
      ·
      4 years ago

      Fascists thinking Muslims react to pork like vampires react to holy water was always the funniest shit.

      • WeedReference420 [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        edit-2
        4 years ago

        Chuds in the UK would leave unopened packs of bacon outside Mosques which often resulted in it getting instantly picked up and donated to homeless shelters by the Imam lmao

    • MerryChristmas [any]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I mean these people believe that Muslims are going to hell either way. It’s strictly about making sure that Muslim communities know who these bullets are meant for.

    • Poutine_And_Politics [he/him]
      ·
      4 years ago

      These are the motherfuckers who would pop a fucking aneurysm if an LGBTQ person did absolutely nothing but wear a small pride flag pin, shouting until they're spraying spit everywhere about how that pin is WaViNg ThE gAy in their face.

      Meanwhile their entire brand is "WOO GUNS BEER BOOBS AMERICA IS ONLY PLACE WITH FREEDOM LOUD NOISES"

    • BigPoopPalls [any]
      hexagon
      ·
      4 years ago

      Freedom to spend hundreds of dollars to make a little piece of metal go ping downrange to own the libs.

    • GottaJiBooUrns [they/them]
      ·
      edit-2
      4 years ago

      The comments on that video are pretty funny. So many TOTAL BADASSES all being super cool and manly and definitely not huge dorks.

  • axont [she/her, comrade/them]
    ·
    edit-2
    4 years ago

    You know I've actually been getting advertising for a troop oriented tea brand recently and it reminds me of this idea. So you're possibly on the right track. They have ads saying like "Ghenghis Khan conquered all of Asia. He also drank tea." to assuage some kind of fragile masculinity about...drinking tea? I didn't realize that was feminine. Anyway, it's this thing:

    https://www.rakkasantea.com/pages/about

    This line in particular is horrifying: "RTC imports solely from carefully selected estates in post-conflict countries as a way to promote peace and economic growth." Oh cool, exploiting farmers who got roped into some CIA directed money laundering scheme in places the US just bombed. Delicious tea.

    • ultraviolet [she/her]
      ·
      4 years ago

      When I first saw it, I thought it was a joke, but then I read their description and it was so cringey.

  • science_pope [any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    People pay top dollar for that civet feces coffee, maybe you could do something similar by feeding the raw coffee berries to hogs before recovering and roasting them. Pig Poop Brews.

    • WeedReference420 [he/him, they/them]
      ·
      4 years ago

      There probably would be a market for coffee beans that were passed through the digestive system of a real Tier 1 operator because weird chuds worship them.

  • opposide [none/use name]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I worked in the coffee industry as a barista and store manager for like ten years and let me just say I know for a fact this would be a successful business model based solely on the fact chuds love to think they’re owning libs by wasting their own money

  • Not_irony [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Coffee is such a good grift. Like 2000x mark-up if you make the the modern-minimalistic aesthetic and brew it one cup at a time

    • wasbappin [he/him,they/them]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I always see bespoke box (cool stuff for men who aren't pussies) ads on tiktok and twitter and there was one with a coffee brewing device that looked like a minature meth lab.

      • Woly [any]
        ·
        4 years ago

        Jesus those bespoke box / fun box things make me cringe so hard. It's like subscribing to an identity.

        • wasbappin [he/him,they/them]
          ·
          4 years ago

          Beatnik box. We send you a curitated box of drugs once a month. This month is a 10 pre roll marijuana joints, a vial of racemic ketamine, ten strip of acid, 10 amphetamine chocolates, a spoon, some microfilter cottons, one gram of china white heroin, and one of those comical old timey syringes with the two loops.

            • wasbappin [he/him,they/them]
              ·
              4 years ago

              Next month: 10 preroll marijuana joints but it's ditch weed and there might be a seed that explodes your face off, 2 time release seroquils but they're broken in chunks to defeat the time release, 100 tramadol pills, and a can of gold spray paint.

  • GVAGUY3 [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Chapo.chat coffee to fund various mutual aid groups

  • jabrd [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Nah man you gotta start a non-profit grift to fleece techlibs by teaching homeless people calligraphy or something so they have prettier signs while begging

  • wasbappin [he/him,they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    OUR COFFEE USES CHRISTIAN BEANS. ARE YOU TRIGGERED? 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸:rat-salute: :rat-salute: :rat-salute: