It isnt revolutionary, but it is good that there is an alternative to monogamy, and dating multiple people makes it easier to survive under capitalism in a lot of cases.
I just remembered a thread where people were being kind of shit about it and felt the need to post
I think it honestly depends on the person. Personally, I couldn't make it work, but I know some people who can. More importantly than anything, it's important not to judge people and their relationship choices and just let them vibe how they want to vibe. (unless they choose to engage in behavior that harms others, than its not ok)
and dating multiple people makes it easier to survive under capitalism in a lot of cases.
"-Sharon, why did you take the last cookie?
+It made it easier to survive under capitalism"
If you like polyamory, just go ahead and do it. There shouldn't be a problem if all parties involved consent to it. You don't need justifications like this.
More than two incomes in a household is actually really nice and makes reality a lot more livable, seriously it is an important material thing, it isnt the reason I do it, but it is a major perk that gives me more free time which can be used for a lot of different stuff, including organizing
No offense, but it sounds like you're making a stronger argument for co-habitation. Yes, it turns out many hands make light work. (hehe)
I mean yeah, but cohabitation with sex and romantic shit is quite nice
Or monogamy in patriarchal societies
Also polyamory != polygamy
Do you not think that within a patriarchy all relationships have a subtle element of societal coercion to them? A lot of women stick with men for economic reasons, that's just the sad fact
Yeah that was a generalization but I think you parsed what I meant
polyamory is great for aces bc you don't have to fuck your SO for them to be sexually satisfied. That's someone else's job
I was gonna make a "poly people taking all the GFs" joke but then I saw all these people being shitty about poly people and I just have to say that I've known a shitload of poly people who were all rad AF, super respectful of ppls boundaries and choices to do monogamy and are just normal ass nerds. I've never really met a poly person who was like all these negative stereotypes I've seen here.
The only poly person I know is a narcissistic libertarian who also is a terrible coworker. She's also a Stoic, so there are deeper issues, probably not the poly. lol
I find the idea that with as extremely complex as people are the idea that one other person is capable of meeting all of their emotional needs in a relationship is ludicrous. It's also insane to believe that you can only love one person at a time. Poly relationships are tricky but all relationships are complicated, I haven't found being in a poly relationship any more difficult then a monogamous one. In some ways its even easier, for a brief example I deal with loss by isolating my self and working through it one my own, my wife however need tons of emotional support when going through loss. When we're both experiencing it, its extremely difficult cause one of us by necessity is going to not have their needs met. If however her boyfriend is there to comfort and help her, I can isolate and we both get what we need. And that's just one of many examples. A less extreme one would be every one enjoys sharing what they love with their partners. My wife really couldn't care less about some of my hobbies, which is totally fine, but its really awesome to have a girl friend that is excited about the same things I am.
Edit: if you're going to down vote me fine but at least engage and tell me what your problem is with this idea.
This thing, that one person is supposed to meet all your needs is a recent development, seemingly driven by capitalism and the alienation and isolation it causes. Historically you would have friends and relatives and a community around you on which you can rely for a lot of things you end up relying on your partner(s). For example I don't think I need a boyfriend that shares my interests if my other boyfriend doesn't, cause I have my friends for that, I go for grieving and consolation to my sister, cause she is the only one that can understand me, etc. I think there is this strange drive happening that, because one person cannot fulfill your needs, people fall in the trap that if someone can fulfill a need they should become yet another partner, at least personally I like to have some boundaries about things like that.
I think we are so conditioned as a society to group sexual and emotional intimacy, that if someone gives you some special emotional satisfaction that this must be paired with romantic love
Yes. This puts it so clearly. Ive been struggling do describe exactly this thing, and couldnt. But it seems to be getting worse, because people are lonely, and the most accessible alleviation for loneliness is tinder. And romance, sex and alleviation of loneliness get mixed up together, in something that can easily end up being very unhealthy, but also kinda addicting.
Also completely agree with the part about needs and desires - people often conflate the two, and cant really tell if they need something or they just desire it. And the thing is sometimes fulfilling a desire is actually kinda bad (dont get me started on my desires for buying swords, lol). You kinda have to have control over these, which is also a part of maturity, and to learn when and how to indulge in them.
I'd typed up a long reply to this but my brain isn't working well enough to make it coherent. But the jist of it was with most poly people there is a primary couple that are completely committed to each other just like in monogamy and all other relationships are secondary. There are some people who make a thrupple (all three people in love with each other) work, and at least for us that would be goal but finding the perfect person to slot in with the two of us is basically chasing unicorns.
Primary/secondary nonsense is bull, and is mostly the older generation reproducing elements of the nuclear family.
You can have multiple commited relationships, and without any of your partners sleeping together.
Think what you want friend, but I've been married almost a decade, all but two of them its been a polly relationship and its worked great for us.
There are multiple ways to skin a rabbit, but I couldn't deal with heirarchy personally. It feels like an artifact of monogamy to me, and I've been an expendable secondary too many times to get involved with that again, or do that to another person.
I can't argue with that, it truly is different for every relationship. Hopefully you find what works for you.
I would say it varies by person, for some people sex is a very important way to bond, for others its just a nice perk. For our ace friends sex is rarely if ever part of a committed relationship and I don't think any of us would say they're incapable of emotional intimacy because of that.
Hell I wouldn't be surprised if it basically becomes a requirement for genZ and after to be able to afford to survive.
A lot of people right now are opting to live with roommates, rent a room rather than apartment etc. both because of huge costs, and because you get to have friends in the same house
If you can make it work, good for you. Have fun and stay safe.
it seems aight, not my cup of tea. im ok with the idea of swinging, just think having a third wheel would be a touch difficult to maintain
Being in a poly relationship seems fucking exhausting to me, but more power to those for whompst it works
Not grilling you or asking for proof but is there any guides on how to do this properly? Downloaded a book on this topic a while back called the ethical slut and haven't really got a chance to read it. If you read this would this be a good source or could you provide something.
Personally when it comes to child rearing I think the more stable adults around the better. I always hated the mentality guys have thinking I don't want to take care of some other man's kids. They're kids they're meant to be taken care of. Idk I want to blame capitalism for monogamy and this attitude.
Ethical Slut is good, gives a good overview of everything. Also try the Multiamory podcast if you want more in depth and up to date stuff on particular topics.
I totally totally agree with your point about kids. I don't think I want my own biological kids but I want to be involved in raising them. There's lots of beautiful new kinds of family structures we can create that provide for our children's needs much better.
Multiamory podcast I'll check this out. I don't mind reading tbh but I can't sit down for long to read since short attention span and busy. But yeah I remember a book that was interesting called here's looking at Euclid. It mentioned that in these small isolated tribes people didn't really count how many kids they had just that the kids were everyone's kids. The phrase it takes a village comes to mind. I'd be down for helping to raise kids too just as long as we all clear on rules like discipline and rewards for the kids if that makes sense. I don't want to undermine anyone or be undermined in my authority.
Yeah definitely. Opening that kind of stuff up into a more social space means moving to more social approach to our kid' discipline, diet, media content, etc. with some agreements in place. Although it's not like this doesn't happen anyway - grandparents are notorious for spoiling kids behind the rents' back.
Remember a boomer music teacher saying they spoil the grandkids to get back at their own kids, joking yes but not really.
a lotta poly people are ace. they just be holding hands in a circle.
In that case it is better than monogamy because it is basically amplified volceldom.
