My roommate came out as a trans woman and I thought "damn that's awesome, I wish I could do that" and then wondered why I thought that for the next week.
"i wish i could be trans so i could be a girl" how is this such a common thought process among us lol
“Ah I wish I could be a girl”
Brain “You can be”
“Explain”
Brain “Dysphoria is not a prerequisite to being trans”
“i wish i could be trans so i could be a girl”
Dang, that was basically me for the past couple decades.
Gender euphoria was a much more powerful motivator for me than dysphoria. My masculinity never really offended my sensibilities, just taking on an amount of femininity improved my self-confidence and self-image.
Same. I've never felt dysphoria about my body, but the euphoria of presenting as a woman is ... well it's more dopamine than I've ever gotten from anything else ever.
While it's not universally true and I'm completely open to being wrong and other people sharing their experiences, the phrase "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" is intentionally a little off from the truth. Trans-ness is basically defined by gender dysphoria, but because you live your whole life with dysphoria, it can be extremely difficult to separate/understand that what you believe is part of normal being is actually dysphoria. Generally the best indicator of being trans is gender euphoria, because when your brain is deprived of the normal gender affirmations, a positive instead of the constant negative gender affirmation usually brings on a sense of euphoria.
the phrase “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” is intentionally a little off from the truth. Trans-ness is basically defined by gender dysphoria, but because you live your whole life with dysphoria, it can be extremely difficult to separate/understand that what you believe is part of normal being is actually dysphoria.
Damn, this is a good way to put it. "You don't need dysphoria to be trans" never quite made sense to me.
My wife showed me a picture of myself in a genderbending filter on snapchat, and I spent two weeks staring at that picture desperately wishing I could be that version of myself, and then I realized I've kinda ALWAYS wanted to be girl-me, and then I started talking to trans women and they all assured me I sounded exactly like they did before they realized they were trans.... ... so.... yeah
What's funny is I spent most of my life convincing myself EVERY man secretly wishes he was a girl. Even after I learned being trans is a thing, it never actually clicked until I saw that photo and felt like I was seeing my actual self for the first time ever...
So we shaved my beard, she helped me with my first full face of makeup, and apparently that's the happiest she's ever seen me ever including our wedding day. And my friends calling me she/her and a feminized version of my old name makes me happier than almost anything.
I don't have any major physical dysphoria (or rather, I'm just not chomping at the bits for surgery... yet ... but boobs would be nice, mostly just to fill out tops that call for curvature), but I also feel like I'm wearing a hazmat suit if I'm not presenting as a woman. It's not "ugly", it's just ... not me. It's a protective outfit I've been wearing my whole life and only just recently realized I can take it off and be myself instead.
I don't know what's dysphoria and what's not I guess, but if there was a magic button that would just feminize my body instantly, I'd smack that button so hard my hand would break.
I probably need to talk to a gender therapist.
thanks for making this post because ive learned a lot in the comments
No problem. I also asked that I've just been questioning myself recently. Like, I've gotten some happiness and excitement in looking at MTF transition timelines (and not in the "good for her" sense), I saw a trans girl with a similar facial structure to me, and thought "it would be nice to look like her", and felt some excitement looking at women's clothes. And I've always hated being in the man's role in dating.
But like, I also don't hate my body, other than just thinking I'm a little too chubby, and feeling a mild bit of envy about how women can have more diverse body types and still be attractive. My dick still feels like mine, and I don't hate it. So I don't know.
I have dysphoria, but didn't realize that's what it was until after I realized I was trans. Before that it was a long period of wishing I was a girl, looking at urban legends and fiction about people magically changing sex and going 'man I wish that was me' and wishing I had dysphoria so I could be trans so I could transition. Then I saw someone post "cis guys don't wish they were girls" and linked to egg_irl and that did it.
I've never considered myself trans, but I've also never felt the need to embrace masculine traits. As I've entered the work force and everyone has reinforced to me that the man thing to do is to shut up, feel nothing and work yourself to death. This world dispises a sad lonely working class male with nothing to live for and can only see them for their labor potential. Ive even had other leftist tell me they don't care. I wish I was born a girl. I feel like my artistic interests would have been better explored and not repressed as they where because I was told the most important thing is to get a real job. I also wouldn't been seen as a ox to be worked outside until I collapse. Idk. I don't want to transition, but I hate how men are to be in this world.
It's not like I want to where make up or have long hair or anything overtly feminine. I don't know what I want, I just know that I hate my life and my existence as a working class male in the American society. I don't want to be a provider, a manager or a business owner. I suck at every thing and I'm a loner with no IRL friends. It seems like my only option in life is how much I want to work on my weekends and off time.
Yeah, none of that is particularly trans. Really it mostly sounds like general capitalism-caused depression with the added punch of men still being seen as the "provider". Just a gender roles thing that has more to due with society than yourself.
I suck at every thing and I’m a loner with no IRL friends. It seems like my only option in life is how much I want to work on my weekends and off time.
me_irl 😔
Yeah unless a wizard could instantly turn me into a girl or someone invited like a 3rd gender neutral state, I'm stuck as male and hating everything about being a man
See now that sounds trans. Would it be good if the wizard instead magically removed the expectation that being male = "being a man"?
Personally I'm a cis guy but I am in no way a man and can not at all identify with the term. I think by some people's definitions they might consider me nb, but I just don't see it. I'm still male, just not man.
It sucks she's so...meh now but I realized during watching an old Contrapoints video. She said something along the lines of "I saw an older man staring back at me in the mirror and hated who I was turning into" or something along those lines. Someone else in this thread pointed it out, but it's really hard to tell if it's dysphoria when it's all you feel.
i'm pretty butch trans so i really only got hammered with intense dysphoria when i hit puberty and again in my early 20s. eventually i settled into butch/andro style and presentation and only did femme stuff in the sheets or for special occasions. i would do like @bort_simp_son and push a button in a heartbeat if I could but i just don't have the money, mental fortitude, and security to actually transition...
I find it difficult to classify myself as trans. I participate in trans communities, distribute violently queer literature, and am very gay, but I don't identify on a personal level with the experiences of trans people "figuring it out" or however you'd rather phrase it. Many journeys contain themes of self-discovery, self-understanding; my interpretation of my experience has been one of active opposition to the concept of a fixed self or any sort of attachment of that self to the body. I intentionally position myself politically, philosophically, and intellectually against oppressive and external forces. My presentation is meant to serve as a wound on the face of Self-as-Society, to nullify and reject Truth-to-One's-Self. I consider queerness to be a radical current, and one that deserves room to get weird. So if your definition of transness is the W*stern medicalist definition, I'm probably not trans. If to be trans is to wrest narrative control of your life from the hands of the oppressor and become a person you choose to be, to one day be unburdened to a past (temporal, biological, what have you) which was forced upon you, to speak once and for all only for yourself without bending beneath the weight of a world which demands capitulation, categorization, and so on... that I can at least try for. The goal is to become nothing, to be ineffable, to reach beyond what is presented and take something that is only yours.
