I'm 27 personally, and haven't been in any sort of romantic relationship or even kissed on the lips.
Now I'm at the point where I wanna wait til' I have my own place before I make any serious attempt at it, cuz I don't want to be judged for still living at home (Don't have a high enough income to move out).
I feel like once I seriously try though, I'll find someone eventually. I at least have that much confidence and self-esteem to know that I'm not unfuckable or anything like that.
Take your time, pal. Sex is all about having fun and having a connection with someone else. No rush at all. :)
Additionally your first time being with an escort shouldnt be ignored or shunned. That being said mileage will vary and may very well not be great let alone magical, but how many can say their first time truly was magical. I didnt lose mine until just a weeks before my 21 when I decided to hire an escort. Shit was fun, I let her know in advance obviously and booked an hour session (if i recall she even let the time lapse about 10 mins after but mileage will vary of course), she was easy to talk to, welcoming and helpful with everything. I did see her once more but this time for 30mins and again it was fun. That being said I didnt feel like it was something that I'd sorely miss. As such it wasn't another 2 years until I had sex again this time with an actual girlfriend. Now obviously as it turns out its even more amazing when you're with the person and have a connection.
hot take: judging someone for still living at home is a classist take. You dont want to be dating those types of people
It's a classist take, yes, but it's widespread enough that I don't think someone believing it is evidence they're a bad person. Unfortunately that also means it's kind of hard to exclude people who think that way.
Trust me you don’t wanna be with someone like that. So fucking petty.
Everyone passively absorbs some shitty things from the society they live in. It's unavoidable.
this is extremely egregious though? you'd really want to be around someone that petty?
hot take: judging someone for still living at home is a classist take. You dont want to be dating those types of people
and fredophobic
Sounds like you're in a good place about it. Dont worry about being judged for living with your parents, we're in the middle of the greatest recession in modern history & anybody thats worth being compatible with wont care.
Don't sweat it too much, trying to find a relationship for its own sake does more harm than good.
yeah definitely don't worry about that, with the majority of 18-29 year olds now living with their parents there's never been a better time to see eye to eye
I suppose COVID complicates things but that living at home 📈 has been trending up up up for decades
This may sound insane, but sex in general is highly overrated and hyper-prioritized in our hellworld society. Yes, sex is fun and awesome and, in the right situations, fulfilling, but it's also overly-promoted as a sole fix to all of our problems. IMO, your mindset towards sex and relationships is really healthy, even if you weren't a virgin. Keep with the path that feels right to you, and also embrace romantic opportunities as they come. Relationships are fucking difficult to figure out, but the fact that you have the right mindset already is huge.
Its weird cause there will be a time in your future life when you and a partner just fuck cause you are bored. Not that either of you have a particular strong feeling about it, just like, yeah it'd be nice or whatever. And the person you will be then probaly wont be too diffrent from who you are now. it's weird to think about that divide
Also, I am pretty sure you could post on fetlife and find a girl who's fetish is male virgins. If you are in a major metro area anyway. Just an option.
Don’t fuck the bunny cop
I thought this was meant to be an accepting place wtf :angery: :angery: :angery:
I'm around 30 and in the same boat as far as never having had a romantic relationship.
Honestly, I'm pretty self-conscious about it. Growing up, I got exposed a lot to the idea of "if you can't get laid, you're a disgusting and unworthy human being." Even though I never consciously accepted this and would never think less of someone else for being a virgin, I get this awful feeling whenever I find out someone I'm talking to isn't one. Like, "If they knew I've never had sex, they'd laugh at me. They'd start harassing me and making fun of me, they'd mock me and humiliate me in front of everyone, and I'd deserve it because I'm a lesser being, and it's all my fault for being too stupid/lazy/insufferable to become good enough to have sex."
(I've also had an anxiety disorder and depression for most of my life, which doesn't help either my love life or my reaction to the lack thereof)
Copying my comment to another user
Don’t be ashamed of an escort my dude. It’s how I lost my virginity around the time of my 21st birthday. I fully support going that route if you’re nervous of the traditional route of going to a bar and talking to someone. Id check the site PrivateDelights , r/sexworkers recommends browsing this site as a starting point. I used that subreddit to find my way around when I was hiring an escort
There is no "counting ". Noone is keeping score.
If you feel that an escort wouldn't fulfill the need you have, that's valid, but don't fixate on what other people think about what you have or haven't done.
The whole concept of virginity is bullshit, it's just a thing that you haven't done. You haven't done millions of things, but you probably don't keep track of those with special words, either.
Having sex doesn't change you as a person (it certainly didn't change me), so you probably shouldn't build part of your self-identity on your virginity and pin all your problems on that part in the hopes it will magically disappear and take those problems with it when you have sex. Not saying you're doing that, just generally saying noone should do that.
While I do share your opinion about the "virginity" thingy, I have a different opinion that I feel I need to voice here.
Having sex isnt something that "you just havent done", in the same way that talking to a good friend isnt "something that you havent done", or doing things with a group of mates isnt "a thing you havent done".
What our dumbshit Western culture doenst realize for whatever reason is that the act of having sex (or lack thereof) isnt significant in of itself, same with having a friend, or a group of good friends.
Not even talking about sex specifically, about the emotional connection, the closeness and intimacy of building a relationship with another human being. About feeling loved and that you belong within your own species. We humans are a social species [citation needed], so we desire and internally value such feelings and experiences. Thus, a lack of such social experiences/feelings can lead to feeling like shit, alienated, etc. Not even talking about sex here. Due to the "primal" nature of such desires, unfortunately, they cannot simply be written off as "things we havent done". Of course we can live without sex and good friends, but that does not mean we should trivialize such desires as "things we havent done", that would be lying.
But yes, "muh hookers dont count" still bullshit, people have found romantic relationships with sex workers and still continue to.
I agree with you.
I only really meant to talk purely about the sex, because the chain I replied to was specifically about "ticking the box" by hiring a sex worker. Which I feel inherently already assumes a view of sex as an isolated action that someone really can just "not have done".
In the broader context you are absolutely right, though. Human connection, or the lack of it, is something can change you as a person (but doesn't have to). At the same time whether or not you experience that kind of connection should not be constructed into some kind of identity (that way incel shit lies).
something that can change you as a person (but doesnt have to)
Here is where I disagree again, if we could somehow control our subconscious (or whatever aspect of our brain it is), then stuff like solitary confinement wouldnt be an issue. I am not talking about sex here in terms of human connection mind you, being isolated from any human interaction has been proven [i dont have the citation on me rn] to cause real psychological harm, whether the person wants it to or not.
If you can personally control that response to isolation yourself, then thats great, unfortunately the vast majority of people cannot.Thats why I find progressive leftism likable as a movement, since it recognizes this and a part of it is just building stronger communities online and offline to help fight back against the systems which cause such alienation in the first place.
Edit: clarity
There's a difference between human interaction in general and a relationship, which I thought we were talking about here. Cutting someone off from all human contact obviously damages that person, but plenty of people live perfectly normally without being in a relationship, some without ever being in one.
Human connection, or the lack of it, is something can change you as a person (but doesn’t have to).
You
There’s a difference between human interaction in general and a relationship, which I thought we were talking about here
Also you
We are clearly not talking about realtionships, I thought I made this crystal clear by saying:
I am not talking about sex here in terms of human connection mind you, being isolated from any human interaction has been proven [i dont have the citation on me rn] to cause real psychological harm, whether the person wants it to or not.
Be clearer next time by what you mean by "human connection", you just effectively strawmanned my position into something twisted and morally bankrupt.
I dont hold this against you, mods must have a tough job fighting against the various reactionaries hungry to destroy this site. I think we agree with each other but are just arguing out of habit at this point lol
At least you can levitate and shoot lightning out of your fingers
no one laughs at me now anyway, but regardless. soon I'll be emptying my chamberpot on their roof as I roam the skies in my flying wizard tower
Don't be ashamed of an escort my dude. It's how I lost my virginity around the time of my 21st birthday. I fully support going that route if you're nervous of the traditional route of going to a bar and talking to someone. Id check the sitePrivateDelights, r/sexworkers recommends browsing this site as a starting point. I used that subreddit to find my way around when I was hiring an escort
Ah gotcha. I just wanted to offer up the idea and reaffirm going with a sexworker is valid. But yeah it's certainly not for everyone. I haven't returned to a sexworker since my first 2 times. Not because of my experiences not be good but because of those experiences it affirm my belief that sex is a cool activity but not the crazy mind blowing euphoric experience society makes it out to ve. But maybe I'm asexual-lite, considering I went another 2 years after that not having sex again and now it'll be at 1 year in October once again since my last time 🤣
I feel for you comrade, I was 21 when I met my first girlfriend and have only been in one other relationship and she turned out to be kind of a chud. I've had one drunken one night stand and it just felt hollow. You'll find someone, confidence is key and I'm rooting for you. My problem is the self-esteem part. Don't worry too much about not having your own place, if you meet someone that connects with you they probably won't care if you live at home you can always hang out at their place. Most of us struggle to afford rent so I think most people won't judge you for living at home especially now.
Western nations have an unhealthy oversexualised society where people grow thinking they have to become adults fast, lose their virginity, worship sex, etc.
I lost my virginity around when I was 20, that day two ridiculous toxic myths our society promotes got debunked:
(1) Having sex with a female virgin is special and desirable: it's shit, boring and painful for your partner. I really don't understand how this myth got created, I guess Christianity is a hell of a drug
(2) Sex is something special and unique. Sex will solve all your problems: the first time I had sex I was like "this is it?". It was absolute shit, painful for me and painful for my partner. I felt I was lied, I wasn't actually missing out on anything. After me and my girlfriend had more sex, we improved and enjoyed much more, but I still think sex is hugely overrated. The only way sex changed my life was in noticing that sex is nothing out of the ordinary and it wasn't life changing at all. Now I live much more relaxed knowing that I'm not missing on anything
If you want to know what is truly life changing: having a partner that truly loves you and you love. Building your life together and helping each other. Go in on adventures and enjoy like best friends.
I know this is not much, but I hope it helps someone, especially those who feel they are hideous. I used to suffer a lot because of this
Eh. I've never been in a serious relationship (I've fucked around too many times to count, tho) and I don't feel any worse off for it. Funnily enough, most of my friends are aware of this but still come to me for relationship advice like uhh what am I the fuckin oracle of delphi
There's nothing wrong with getting a decent hotel for the night (after being open and honest about living with your folks) for a fun evening if there's someone you're vibing with.
Thank you for sharing your perspective anon, I totally agree, there should be more written about how interpersonal relationships and dating intersect on issues of class, mental/physical disability, race, gender, and age. Theory in general is waaay behind recent developments in psychology and culture on these issues, whose importance is sometimes underestimated.
I'm happy to hear that you have found your something precious. Power to you my friend!
only unlovable rightoids are virgins
Absolutely, this attitude really needs to die both online and offline. It helps nobody except the rich and their fascist allies who are waiting to scoop up all the alienated youths into their shitty excuses for communities. Furthermore, as you have clearly said, class, able-bodiness, and race play hugely into this whole heteronormative, ableist dating scene our societies have going.
No matter how disabled, virgin, old, NEET, overworked, and/or noncishet someone is, we are all comrades since we share the same goals and values. Full fucking stop.
that or renting an airbnb or hotel room for a night if you want somewhere with more space and privacy. important to keep in mind if you get caught some states will require to register you as a sex offender.
i dated a girl once when i was traveling and staying with a friend. i didn't want to drag some girl back to my friends place to bone her so i suggested we get a hotel. she thought it was too sleezy so we never actually boned, she super wanted to though but apparently a hotel was like a weird deal breaker for her
but yes generally speaking it's a good strategy
i personally chose not to bang in the back of the station wagon for that exact reason. we banged later that night at my place but i wasnt really into it so we just became friends
