SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
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Let's have another good week everyone 
intrusive thoughts and OCD
My OCD makes it so hard to just feel content with my identity. Like what if I’m secretly still repressing? Yeah, okay, intrusive thought, whatever.
But then it digs its way in and convinces me that my current identity is the result of the intrusive thoughts worming their way in. I am simultaneously completely cis and also significantly more feminine than I thought depending on what mood my OCD is in. It’s maddening.
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I've said it before, but whatever. My OCD is all about checking (the stove, the door, stuff for my job etc) so I only get it a little. It sucks.
I think it might be harder to nonbinary cause there's no way to be enby like there is for femininity - at least socially constructed femininity in western culture lol, there's a script for us to follow is what I mean. But being enby doesn't have that. I guess there's the "funny" jokes about enby names, but that's about it for the hegemonic life script. Gen Z is into androgyny so that's fun, easier to shop for clothes and present in public than it mightve been before.
Your totally allowed to have a more fluid gender identity if you want to. Nothing wrong with being more boy one day, more girl the next, agender the day after, and void on the weekends.
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Yeah, the enby stuff is very true. I’m trying on the fluidity to see if it helps but it’s very difficult for me to swing feminine for any amount of time, let alone a short amount of time. It’s so much work.
OCD
Damn your intrusive thoughts are using your awareness of intrusive thoughts against you
OCD
Yeah, it gets way too meta for comfort very quickly. Just makes me feel stupid. It’s so clear when the thoughts aren’t present, so it seems like I should be able to work through them when they are.
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100%. Happens to me, too
It's weird, I just have an emptiness like I feel very little towards anything gender related. Like most of my inner turmoil was spent trying to understand why I didn't feel anything or seem to think similar to my peers or people with more clear identities. No matter how I present I've always felt that kind of emptiness. And it has taken me a long time to realise that it was because I'm agender, far too long tbh
I can understand fluidity too and not having it set in stone and more flexible.
But I do feel it for people struggling with it, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to feel strongly about it too.. or to have gender euphoria.
sorry it's a bit of a ramble