I'm marking this as NSFW because I'm not super sure if this counts as discussing dysphoria. I don't exactly know a lot about this if I'm being entirely honest. Feel free to tell me if this would have been fine or not :)
I've always considered myself a cis dude. I feel relatively comfortable as a dude I think. But there's a lot of stuff that has me wondering things. For example, like a year ago I told one of my friends "Being a man is cool and all, but if I was given the reins at character creation, I would have chosen to be a woman." That friend told me that was not very cis of me to say, and I kinda just wrote it off, but I still hold to that take as the way I feel. When I am falling asleep and I'm sort of day dreaming, I choose to daydream about the adventures of a female character I've invented. When I play video games, I almost always choose the female option if it's given, because I found it's easier for me to get into the story that way.
However, I feel totally fine being a guy. So like I don't know if I'm gaslighting myself here, one way or the other. It's kinda a thing where there's a possibility I might be trans, but if I were to actually do it, I can't tell if my life would get better or worse. I don't think I would feel safe being trans in my area of the world, for example. So it's like sure I might have chosen the female build in the game of life, but that's not what RNG gave me, and maybe I'm okay with that?
common
thoughts, doesn’t mean you have to act on them especially if not safe, but some gender exploration can help clarify.https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans
If you’re already at the stage where you are questioning your gender — even if that just means looking up “Am I Trans?” and then slamming your laptop shut before you get a search result — congratulations, you’ve already thought about your gender more than most cis people will in their entire lifetimes.
If I was given the reins at character creation, I would have chosen to be a woman.
You do have the reins. Its just not as quick and easy as it is in video games.
Of the cis people I know well enough to know what they'd choose (that's really only 3 people), they'd all choose a guy without a doubt (all 3 are amab). Two of them would go for fairly stereotypical masc traits, one would go for a twink build, but still confidently wants to still be a guy.
one would go for a twink build
I mean, yeah. I'd choose to have the best possible gear starting at an extremely low level, too.
You'd think that's the overwhelming, but it doesn't seem to be the case.
i feel you. we get the common narrative that being trans is like, rife with suffering due to gender dysphoria. and while that's certainly true for some trans folks, there's a lot of others who are just sort of... fine?
the key thing to think about here is that gender feelings come in negative and positive flavors. so you might be on the low dysphoria side, but you never know, expressing yourself more femininely might make you happier
it's hard to know without experimenting, though. you could try (even in this thread) having people refer to you with she/her pronouns and descriptions. you could also try it anonymously in other online spaces. or you could try different clothing / nail polish / etc
also, that said, maybe you end up not liking it, or maybe the safety factor really weighs on you. your gender is yours to discover and decide! hopefully this helps you with that a little bit
you could try having people refer to you with she/her pronouns and descriptions
Honestly this hit me like a ton of bricks. Just last night I laid in bed going "he him she her he him she her" trying to figure out what I vibed with and felt like I was getting nowhere. But reading this and realizing that I can ask other people to refer to me with she/her had my hear beating fast and tears welling up and I felt super giddy.
I think you're right. I think I might not have negative male thoughts, but positive female thoughts.
I have a safe and anonymous discord server I'm in and yeah I think I'm going to try experimenting. Wish me luck
I am so happy you found some advice that really resonated with you. Good luck!
However, I feel totally fine being a guy.
A very common experience is that when the egg cracks the dysphoria begins to climb until it becomes unbearable and forces someone to transition. The egg is also safety.
This feels more like a discussion of not having dysphoria. Being trans does not require dysphoria.
There's some common misconceptions. I'd say the "always knew" narrative is also really pushed, but the reality is many of us don't realize until adulthood. Some don't know until after they're past middle-aged.
Used to have hangups over quibbling about what exactly "dysphoria" meant in "you don't have to have dysphoria to be trans if you'd be happier transitioning" where I was like, "well, if they'd be happier transitioning, isn't that dysphoria?" but language and gender are both social constructs and it's whatever to me now. Ultimately nobody gets to define your gender but you. You don't have to medically transition or change your presentation to have a different gender identity or change names or pronouns if you don't want to, and you can pick and choose what changes you would like to make.
Yeah. I'm fine with either way of framing. Some mean dysphoria and euphoria to only refer to extreme negative and positive feelings respectfully. Others basically use dysphoria much more broadly.
I think the problem with the dysphoria framing comes from listener and speaker using different definitions. When you say things like "gender requires dysphoria," many eggs are going to see that and assume you mean the my strict definition of dysphoria, which they might not experience. Or even are experiencing it, but since they don't know anything else don't realize it is dysphoria.
Well put, that was pretty much the jist of the hangup I used to have. Extreme "oh I've always known" type stuff had me shy away from understanding dysphoria for awhile since it wasn't what I'd experienced exactly. Idk, gatekeeping bad, being happier with your own gender stuff good
That's also good to know. Because I definitely haven't "always known." Not even in the slightest. So it's confusing when I try to look up info and every blog post written by a trans person has a story where they always kinda knew.
it's confusing when I try to look up info and every blog post written by a trans person has a story where they always kinda knew.
I wouldn't worry much about it. People who have already transitioned have the benefit of hindsight, and you haven't and don't. Once you're on the other side it's a lot easier to look at prior experiences through a new lens.
And everybody experiences sex and gender differently, anyways. My son loved wearing princess dresses when he was very young. And those stupid Hulk Hands gloves. He definitely didn't KNOW then.
I didn't consider I might not be cis until my late-20s personally. I only realized after I started questioning that I had signs and was totally oblivious to them before. I think some people legitimately know early. But I think there's pressure to conform to that narrative when making cis-facing media because it seems to make a stronger case to cis people that its something innate and unchangeable.
For me, one of the big reasons I never seriously consider I might not be cis is because when I first learned being trans was an option (late high school, and I didn't understand what transitioning entailed at all), I just assumed I was cis since I didn't always know I wasn't (even though I didn't even know that was an option).
Some people retroactively reframe their experience after realizing it.
I strongly do not resonate with the narrative of "always knew since you were 3" but that doesn't make me less trans per se, even if I might not experience dysphoria as acutely as said person
Like how a fish isn't aware that it is currently wet, you might even have dysphoria and not even realize it because your so used to it. Think about what would truly make you happy. If that isn't being a man, then you probably aren't one.
Oh I have a friend like you. Yes, unless you actively prefer the idea of being male, then you're not cis. In reality the trans spectrum ranges from "literally can't live unless I transition" to "the current state of things is fine but I'd rather have been the other sex" with indifference being in the middle of the cis and trans sides of the transsexual Kinsey scale (if you will).
You should explore being a woman and see if that makes you happier. Will probably help you decide whether to transition or not.
For me what really galvanized my transition was considering: would I rather age into being an old man or an old woman? Personally the idea of being an old man was so distressing to me that it made me transition asap. Not saying this is the only way to think about it, it was just a strong motivator for me.
If you want to explore your gender some, try some femme clothes, and do some voice training. Might help you build more concrete thoughts
Being trans is about the joy you find in being yourself; you don't have to dislike being your agab to be trans. If you want to explore this, you could try some small things where it's safe to. You could try on some fem clothes that one of your characters would wear; for a lot of trans folks video games are an avenue for gender expression before they realize that they are trans. Online, you could try out different pronouns, maybe a different name or two. @citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net already linked the Gender Dysphoria Bible- I read it when I was first beginning to accept that I really am trans and thinking about doing something about it (even if you do recognize that you are trans, you don't have to change anything). I had so many "Oh, fuck" moments reading it.
Do what makes you happy. We'll support you in this whether you are trans or not
