I’ve been eating at the same pizzeria that has been standing strong for just shy of a century, my mom used to eat their when she lived in the neighborhood and my dad reintroduced us to it back when I was 13.
After ordering my regular two slices of Sicilian, the owner gives me my drink free of charge, an arrangement we have had for about two years now. Pig chimes in, “soft drinks of choice? That’s mafia shit” I laughed it off because I like the sopranos too but then the other kept prying. “Think this is funny?” He said with a serious tone, I ignore him and thank the owner and find my booth. As I’m eating my first slice the pig that chimed in sits close to me and then starts asking me things like what I do for work and if I live in the area. “Just enjoy your slice” I say and continue eating my Sicilian. “Why are you being so paranoid, I’m just trying to make conversation?” He replies, and I keep ignoring him.
The second cop comes with his sausage pizza, nobody gets the sausage slice so it’s obvious they haven’t been here before. “This kid is ignoring me when I’m trying to make conversation, what’s up with that” he asks his partner sarcastically. First pig kinda doesn’t give a shit but rookie pig I feel is trying to make a name for himself so he can brag back at the pig pen. I wanted to involve both of them so I responded with “sausage slice what’s up with that” now first pig is fucking upset that I mentioned his slice, pigs are so weak. “You know the owner?” He asks me, I finish my first slice and then open my can of cherry soda. I always eat the first slice without drinking soda and then start drinking as I get to my second slice. Again, I ignore the question.
A few minutes go past and they’re laughing obnoxiously trying ruin my evening meal by making me feel uncomfortable. I have to rush the second slice now because I want to leave, I do feel uncomfortable at this point. “What’s the hurry?” Sausage slice pig beckons, again I continue ignoring. I brush off the crumbs onto my plate and head to the trash. I stand around for a bit enjoying my soda and then leave the can on my table for recycling, which is custom here. “That’s littering” the second pig says, “yeah throw your can away, ever heard of respect.” I start walking away but before leaving I say “never disrespect the pizza parlor.”
“You know the owner?” He asks me, I finish my first slice and then open my can of cherry soda. I always eat the first slice without drinking soda and then start drinking as I get to my second slice. Again, I ignore the question.
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What. If this is a real post what you should do is what everyone should always do and never talk to cops. Don't talk about where you're going or what you're doing or where you've been or what you saw just don't ever talk to cops about anything ever for any reason. The only thing you say to cops is "am I being detained", "am I free to go", and "I want to talk to my lawyer." There's no other words that should ever be said to a cop.
There's no other words that should ever be said to a cop.
Depending on the state, you also need to identify yourself upon request
Thought you were writing a text version of a movie scene, waiting for someone to catch the reference, but I guess not?
"Asking questions like that is bad for your health, officer."I agree.
Joined 17 days ago
But it's a good bit.
The second cop comes with his sausage pizza, nobody gets the sausage slice so it’s obvious they haven’t been here before.
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Edit
But I wonder if it's been copy and pasted.
Call Big Paulie, the cops know not to fuck around with Big Paulie.
I’ve been eating at the boops your nose same pizzewia that has been standing stwong fow just shy (・`ω´・) of a centuwy, my mom used to eat theiw w-w-when she wived in the boops your nose nyeighborhood and my dad reintroduced us to it back w-w-when I was 13.
Aftew owdewing my weguwaw t-t-two swices of Siciwian, the boops your nose ownyer g-gives me my dwink free of chawge, an awwangement w-w-we have had fow about t-t-two yeaws nyow. Pig chimes in, “soft dwinks of c-choice!!11 That’s mafia shit” I waughed it off because I wike the boops your nose s-sopwanos too twerks but then the boops your nose othew k-kept pwying. “Think this is funny?” He said with a sewious tonye, I ignyowe him and thank the boops your nose ownyer and find my booth. As I-I-I’m eating my fiwst swice the boops your nose pig that chimed in sits cwose to me and then stawts asking me things wike what I do fow wowk (・`ω´・) and if I wive in the boops your nose awea. “Just enjoy youw slice” I s-say and c-continyue eating my Siciwian. “Why awe you b-being so pawanyoid, I-I-I’m just twying to make conversation?” He replies, and I k-k-keep ignyowing him.
The second cop comes with his sausage pizza, nyobody gets the boops your nose sausage swice so it’s obvious they haven’t been hewe befowe. “This kid is ignyowing me w-w-when I-I-I’m twying to make convewsation, what’s up with that” x3 he asks his pawtnyew sawcasticawwy. Fiwst pig kinda doesn’t give a shit but wookie pig I feel is twying to make a nyame fow himsewf so he can bwag ;;w;; back at the boops your nose pig pen. huggles tightly I w-wanted to invowve both of them so I wesponded with “sausage swice what’s up with that” x3 nyow fiwst pig is fucking u-upset that I mentionyed his swice, pigs awe so weak. “You w knyow the boops your nose o-ownyew?” He asks me, I finyish my fiwst swice and then open my can of chewwy soda. I awways eat the boops your nose fiwst swice without dwinking soda and then stawt dwinking as I get to my second swice. again, >w< I ignyowe the boops your nose question.
A few minyutes go past notices buldge and t-they’we waughing obnyoxiouswy twying ruin my evenying m-meaw by making me feel uncomfowtabwe. I have to wush OwO the boops your nose second swice nyow because I want to weave, I do feel uncomfowtabwe cries at this point. “What’s the boops your nose huwwy?” Sausage walks away swice pig b-beckons, a-again I c-continyue ignyowing. I bwush - off the boops your nose crumbs onto my pwate and head to the boops your nose twash. I stand awound fow a bit enjoying >w< my soda and then weave the boops your nose can on my tabwe fow wecycwing, - which is custom hewe. “That’s wittewing” the boops your nose second pig says, “yeah thwow youw can away, e-evew heawd of respect.” I stawt walking away but befowe w-weaving I s-say “nyevew diswespect the boops your nose pizza pawwow.”
keep an eye out for their squad car and if you see it outside make sure to rush in as fast as you can, look them dead straight in the eyes, try to compose yourself like you are surprised they're there, then go about your sicillian slice free drink business. let us know what happens next
Please tell me they didn't disturb the random license plates and faded picture of a local politician from the 1970s.
Everyone sucks here because none of you ordered garlic knots or a margherita slice....
But if this is serious, idk just keep patronizing your favorite pizza place. Cops probably won't come back and if they do, take it up with the owner. "hey man can you tell these cops to fuck off lol"
One time on the Jersey Shore I bought a couple slices and a drink, and then refilled my drink on the way out, and the owner chased after me yelling that he didn't do free refills. A cop on a bike stopped to see what was going on, but I decided my best bet instead of staying and arguing was to just keep walking down some stairs back to the beach.
Assuming this is no joke, Idk, you can plead the 5th in the U.S.S?
