These couches are hostile furnishings for the home. Designed with a center console that acts as a physical barrier between you and The Wife™. Complete with cup holders, motorized reclining action, and a storage compartment where you can keep your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition collection.

There is no space on this couch for any form of physical intimacy.

  • gramxi [they/them]
    ·
    1 day ago

    they are conceptually tacky but I secretly covet how comfy they are

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      1 day ago

      Under capitalism there is endless innovation, it is a constantly evolving material continuum where all forms and functions exist in infinite combination, such that all manor of objects exist for even the most esoteric desires. In this endless realm of possibility a lay person may see only two recliners, while the ever scheming mind of the capitalist sees a new and alluring product. In the grand tradition of the Native Americans before him, the capitalist leaves no peace of the "animal" unused, gluing two underperforming reclining chairs together in a fever pitched moment of true innovative expression, to the wonder and amazement of droves of consumers. A feat yet to be accomplished in the desolate streets of Moscow.

  • DerRedMax [comrade/them, any]
    ·
    1 day ago

    Yeah, but when you go from “reclined” mode to “so far back your feet are above your head like in a dentist’s chair” mode, you start to feel like these boomers are onto something.

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      1 day ago

      I'm convinced you only get this kind of innovation through decades of neglect. Lazy boy is in the business of selling you chairs that make you feel like you're back in the womb.

  • crime [she/her, any]
    ·
    1 day ago

    something something foucalt's boomerang for hostile architecture

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      1 day ago

      Patriarchy manifest as home decor. Its social relations manifest in the realm of the real to reinforce it's rules through luxurious relaxation. The "we sleep in separate beds and it saved our marriage" of "love seats". There is a deep irony here that love seat is the form designation given to this ritual torture device.

      • SchillMenaker [he/him]
        ·
        1 day ago

        Boy oh boy if you think couches are a barrier to intimacy then try having kids.

          • SchillMenaker [he/him]
            ·
            1 day ago

            After four kids the SUVs of couches start to look pretty fucking good. This little H3 is trash though.

        • blunder [he/him]
          ·
          1 day ago

          dang me and my girl are planning but we also are very volcel-judge im kinda hoping we can find a way lol

    • Bob Robertson IX @discuss.tchncs.de
      ·
      1 day ago

      I'm convinced that there's no such thing as a nice couch any more. I have 2 'nice' couches that are the most uncomfortable things to sit on. We spent a lot of money on them but after less than a year they just turned to crap. If you find something nice, let me know where.

      • GrosMichel [none/use name]
        ·
        1 day ago

        Probably gotta' thrift and maybe reupholster an old couch at this point. Or maybe there's some business/hotel ones that are still built to last and cost a lot.

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      If your the kind of guy who fucks in a car, you can't afford these couches, nor would you want to, far better couches for fucking on. This couch was designed by sexless foot ball watchers. They were designed for kings of queens. For Raymonds who everyone loves. There is no big bang theory in this house. Just desperate house wives living on love island, an ocean and two cup holders between them and their spouse.

      • Biggay [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        1 day ago

        This couch was designed by sexless foot ball watches. They were designed for kings of queens. For Raymond who everyone loves. There is no big bang theory in this house. Just desperate house wives living on loves island, an ocean and two cup holders between them and their spouse.

        This is great poetry matt-grillin even works as a site tagline.

      • abc [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        1 day ago

        If your the kind of guy who fucks in a car, you can't afford these couches, nor would you want to,

        DON'T PRESUME MY FINANCIAL STATUS BECAUSE I LIKE FUCKING IN CARS maddened

  • barrbaric [he/him]
    ·
    1 day ago

    This is going to blow your mind but you can get one of these where it extends out into a full couch

    Show

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      1 day ago

      They are very comfy. They have to be to fill the void left by absence of love in your fifty year marriage.

    • RedWizard [he/him, comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      1 day ago

      This is exactly it. People who watch the local news at five and the evening news at six. People who only buy an Xbox for FIFA. People who have kids but can't remember their birthdays. People who have no passions about anything.

  • LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]
    ·
    1 day ago

    I went to a furniture clearance store ages ago that was just wall to wall these. It was super funny.

  • Hypnolithic [none/use name]
    ·
    1 day ago

    I have one of these without the Wife Separator, and 100% bougie as hell but really comfy and suitable for snuggling as long as you co-ordinate the recline. Do not attempt Advanced Snuggling (or leaping up to answer the door) with the recliner fully out as it will tip over.