im not sure where else to post this. it's a bit of a vent, but I'm not gonna take too long
I've been on mastodon for 7-8 years now. mastodon has been pretty cool because unlike other social media, it allowed me to form closer ties to the people there. but this also made me realize how hurtful I can be to people who care about me
making a long story short: mastodon gave me a sense of security about expressing myself, so I went all out. just said whatever came to mind, responded to people honestly, etc. most of the time I always try not to insult anyone, especially when replying to people I care about. one friend made me realize I was being too combative for no reason sometimes and then I decided to take things easier
still, that didn't prevent me from hurting people I care about, which led me to be blocked by people I interacted a lot and who I considered to be friends a few times. one of those times, I was soft-blocked and saw the guy subtoot about me, so I knew what it was about and had the chance to reach out and apologize. he accepted my apologies, but said I sometimes come across as needlessly aggressive, which, according to him, contradicts what people who know me personally say about me. the other times I wasn't so lucky, so I just got blocked and have no idea why
all this reminds me of my childhood, when people constantly told me I'm annoying and that I should be quiet, which probably rendered me into a very quiet and shy teenager. I remember taking the piss out of people and enjoying it, so maybe people are right
not sure what to think of it. in the flesh world, people around me say I'm one of the nicest people they know, that I'm very caring and kind. some people say that about me on mastodon too, but I wonder if it's all just a mask and the true me is the annoying kid I suppressed early in my life.
mastodon gave me a sense of security about expressing myself, so I went all out. just said whatever came to mind, responded to people honestly, etc. most of the time I always try not to insult anyone, especially when replying to people I care about. one friend made me realize I was being too combative for no reason sometimes
Aaaah when did I write this post? Except I just did all of this here in the span of a year, lmao. There's somethin fucked up about talking online I swear.
I learned a longasd while ago that there's still a difference between "not masking, cool and good" and "just being an asshole", like there are things I should not say because genuinely it would be a shit thing to say, even if I am always trying not to be an asshole. No goofy social norms involved.
I blame neurotypicals for fudging the distinction as the reason why I learned this shit so late.
Well some people go their entire lives without doing this sort of critical introspection, so good on you!
Is that real? How do they manage it? Why aren't they curious about their effect on other people? For years and years they never ask questions about what's going on?
Absolutely. I didn't realize how bad it was until I had some content get out of my niche and got thousands of comments on a video. People are incredibly confident in their own opinions and refuse to investigate or think twice about anything. They'll make the same comment as hundreds of other people, asking the same question that's already answered in the description. I don't know how they do it, but people legitimately say whatever comes to mind and then never ever think about it again
There are millions of assholes out there who think they’ve been right about everything they’ve ever said and done
And they beat down enough people around them to the point that they just capitulate and enable them.
Entitlement and a victim complex mostly, which goes hand in hand.
For most of those people, they think things just happen to them unfairly, and without any input on their part
I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean, but my post isn't me saying "oh shit, I'm an inconsiderate asshole". it's more like "oh shit, even though I try to be kind to people I somehow end up hurting them in ways I don't understand whenever I feel comfortable with myself"
Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone in this. Straddling the line between "not communicating" and "asshole" is one of the few major hurdles I've had in my otherwise stable relationship with my wife.
I don't have a whole lot of advice necessarily, just that it the struggle is real, do your best, and cherish the people that are understanding and patient with you.
thanks for the message
wife told me i might be blowing things out of proportion and that some people on there, regardless of how much they shit talk mainstream social media, are still too influenced by the way twitter normalizes conflict all the time without any room for conciliation. maybe she's right
i'm feeling a lot better about this than i used to. i'm at a point where i don't care about bothering people I don't care about, it's just when it affects people i like that it really makes me feel bad
thank you again and good luck. the struggle is hard, but it gets better, i feel
My realization with my social issues came when it dawned on me I might have autism. In fact it actually helped me being a less inconsiderate person (not that I wasn't before. A lot of times I accidently insulted a person on a very deep ego level)
Realizing that people consider things offensive in ways that I cannot understand or predict and I must somehow consider that and not assume my autistic subjectivity is objective.
recently diagnosed audhd here (maybe, long story) and yeah, this feels very familiar
Same same. Your short post makes me want to comment but I don’t know where or whether to.
"Bad vibes" are a common way to shit on autistic people, I wouldn't put too much stock on vague statements about being too aggressive
I basically got told I was an insufferable prick by my dad in my mid 20's before it dawned on me that I was being pretty uncool. But there's two ways that people go when confronted with this - they change or they don't. I changed and people like me now. If your response to this feedback is "oh crap, am I a jerk?", you're one of the people that will change for the better. 😊
After witnessing what the dregs of the internet come up with, I think the normies are alright
it infuriates me so much how some nerds decided to act like assholes and bullies once they got the space to express themselves
They just want to cosplay as a member of the upper social pyramid.
in my view the idea of "the true me" smells a lot like woodstock era burger individualism. one's identity is something which is socially determined and not essential. There isn't a formula for eudaimonia. both striving for virtue and for authenticity can become toxic. i suggest you trust the people you hold close.
it's less a question of "who is the true me" and more of "who i really want to be". it's a struggle especially because, after years of having my autonomy questioned, it's hard to trust my own judgement on things
but "trust the people you hold close" makes perfect sense. thank you
