My dog would immediately deport all mailmen regardless of nationality. She deems them to be an existential threat.
She would demand all humans to give her their undivided attention at all time, along with headpats.
Immediate death to all vacuum cleaners and the humans must be on the couch at all times except when I want to be alone.
The food bowl cannot be empty. The other cat cannot eat from the food bowl.
The other cat must die.
The other cat must clean my ears.
The other cat must warm me when I’m cold.
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More oatmilk
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Mandatory 2am play breaks
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International warrant issued for mouse pointer
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More pets
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Nobody should visit anyone at home, as they bring unknown smells and force brave cats in good standing hide in a closet.
They don't feel safe, folks! Even in their own homes, they don't feel safe, isn't that crazy?
There should be many home visits by new friends who bring smiles and gentle pats to happy puppies both young and old.
No washing ever again. Production of cleaning products for dogs to be completely illegalised
What's that? Really? Okay, I'll tell them.
Yeah, mine said they'd press the communism button day 1
My cat would order me to be fired from current job then employ me full time as his bed because that's what i do when i'm home and sit or lie anywhere.
He would draw up a treaty for bed space then immediately break it and leave me sleeping on the floor.
She'd abolish the separation of human dinner and doggy dinner
"All humans except mom and dad leave now. Thank you" - my 12 year old dog
