like, flaccid button and hard slightly under average at best. There is a lot of hateful comments here that make me feel like shit. Please stop. Not every comrade with a penis has a good one. I'm tired of being reminded I can't pleasure partners if I ever stop being such a loser I can't get a partner. Honestly, I don't even try. Button dick stops me. Can we please at least stop the ableism here? I feel enough pain constantly going "oh I want to ask her out.... oh wait, I can't please her" already.
love it when someone comes on here expressing vulnerability and the majority of responses are either "get good at giving head/you're clearly bad at giving head" or "get over it/nobody cares/that's not really an issue here"
I'm sorry OP. This isn't the response you deserve. You will find somebody who loves you and whatever size your junk is, they will love it because it's yours.
Same with whenever balding discourse comes up. It's just a lot of "shave it all off! Bald guys are hot! Look at Lenin!!" and implying they're vain and superficial if they want to keep their hair. Sure, got it, easy dunk, but not helpful and in fact harmful in some cases
eh I’m bald and it sucks and makes it harder to present fem without wigs and shit but ultimately it’s the only answer. We have at best like three things that help with hair loss and they at best slow things down for most ppl and can cause other problems.
At a certain point, even if it sucks to hear, at best all any one can say and all you can do is just accept that that’s the hand you were dealt and make it work as best you can. It can suck and you can be sad about it, I spent more than my fair share feeling that way myself, but if that’s all you’re gonna do is be sad about it you’re holding your own self back at a certain point. Obv there’s better and worse ways to communicate that of course but it’s kind of a no win situation
I feel you, but this kind of misses the point. Even if it's in good faith, if a guy comes on here with insecurities and the crowd's response is "here is how you fix your issue", we're leaning in to society's emotional dismemberment of men. Women, in and out of women-only spaces, can express concerns and be met with sympathy, empathy, and emotional support. Why don't we do that for men? Shouldn't we be doing that for men, if we agree that patriarchy causes harm?
I understand where you’re coming from. I think this kinda comes down like “is this just thread for venting or are you actively seeking a solution” bc there are some things that everyone, not just men, will have to accept as not ideal things in their lives and have to learn to work around that and for me, my hairloss was one of those things I looked for every alternative solution to but I ended up having to accept it and I’ve seen scores of other amab people in hairloss communities do that to bc ultimately it was the only way.
Like definitely some people here have been a little crass about it and that could use some adjustment, and certainly if we want to use this as a jumping off point to discuss body shaming as it pertains to penis size I agree it’s bad. I saw a lot of people on twitter after the Greta tweet that ordinarily would be chill excusing it bc it was directed at a bad person and that kinda rubbed me the wrong way
But wrt talking about a particular person, I think “damn that sucks well there’s other stuff you can do” is really about all one can say. I guess my thing is I see a lot of people who just want to wallow about these unchangeable things, not confront and deal with it. And I’m not condescending it, that was me once too, I’ve been there. That’s fine, that’s a part of the process and it’s ok to be there. But what else can really be said? You can’t just be mad at the situation until it magically fixes itself bc it never will, at a certain point you have to try to find away to deal and grow around and beyond it.
I'm very clearly not saying that society gives women an easy time with all their issues, but at the same time, if you think that patriarchical society doesn't harm men emotionally, you need to go read some Bell Hooks
Of course it harms men. I totally agree with you there. Forgive me, When you said 'emotional dismenberment' my mind read it as 'emotional castration' because it's something I've seen so often in chud circles. I completely missread what you were trying to say. Please ignore what I said.
you're so valid for that tbh I literally had to go to a thesaurus to try to figure out a word that conveyed the meaning and the significance but also wasn't ableist OR sexist because I got a similar gut feeling to you from my first draft
Isn't the concept that men are conditioned by patriarchy to be emotionally stunted and incapable of vulnerability pretty bog standard in feminist theory? I guess the wording might be a little extreme but I'm surprised to see pushback on that
lul read your other comment and with what you thought it said that was a completely reasonable reaction. We stan a poster who clears up misunderstandings :stalin-approval:
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there's no magic bullet but a finasteride/minoxidil regimen can do a lot. It comes down to the individual and there are points of no return but for many you can keep your hair longer with a little investment.
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Male pattern baldness isn't going to be the same for everyone, especially in terms of progression. My dad had a noticeable bald spot at my age, whereas I've just got some thinning at the hairline and a touch at the crown. Jumping straight to shaving it all off "just to get it over with" as I see some people say is fine for some, especially if the writing's on the wall in early adulthood, but the way I see it pushed as the thing you just have to do and accept or else you're in denial is silly to me
Fin can cause a lot of problems. It can be fine but a lot of people, including myself came away with permanent sexual side effects from it. I genuinely wish I could go back and never take it and just accept it sooner bc the sides were not worth holding onto wispy hair for another couple years or so
Neither is it really a permanent solution, if you stop taking it, it’ll reverse and most people continue to lose hair on it just much slower.
Min mainly brings back baby hairs on the hairline it isn’t as effective for most people
Those things help but they’re not as effective for the majority of people, the guys who maintain and/or grow back a decent amount on them are the outliers
The only real long term solution is hair plugs and even that’s individual. I looked into it for my hairline but my crown would continue to deteriorate over time so for me and a lot of other amab people it isn’t really viable.
It can take time to get there but for now most of the things we have for hair loss are either not super effective, not super safe, or prohibitively expensive. most people with male pattern hairloss are gonna have to accept it and deal with it one day more likely than not
People can be silly about that stuff tho you’re right and part of it is toxic masculinity. I see a lot of guys being dinguses about hair systems bc “not my real hair!”
Yeah fin definitely isn't for everyone. I would push back on the permanency issue, though - it doesn't really need to be permanent, just either until you die or don't care about it. If you catch it early enough, "much slower" can be just fine. Plus it's very cheap now in generic form.
You're right in that it does have to be reckoned with at some point for many people, but I don't necessarily see it as delaying the inevitable, unless you caught it way too late. Instead it's just enjoying the time you have left with it.
I meant the sexual side effects are permanent
tho yeah you do have to take it as long as you’re wanting to keep it bc people shed quick when they come off it. My friend took it til he was in his 30s and practically went from Norwood 2-3 to like ceasar damn near in like a few months or so after stopping.
It’s an option but not a great one tbh with the risks. There’s a reason every doctor I tried to get to give me fin was very reticent. And everyone can make up their own mind based on the risks and stuff but idk if fin alone makes “one day you’ll probably have to accept baldness” obsolete by itself. It works ok for some people but not enough for me to feel secure about that. Hopefully one day they get something that does tho
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I agree, although I have to say most of the bald threads I’ve seen was asking about how to style or preserve the little bit of hair left, so advising to shave it is good advice.
But if someone is simply venting and you’re giving a bunch of advice, especially from a point of never having to experience it, it comes off as trivializing
There are two threads I recall but can't remember the state of the Op's hair. You're right that past a certain point shaving is the best move (save the mildly unsettling hair plugs that I doubt many people on here could afford) but the monolithic fashion in which it was suggested put me off a little
My advice to them as a bald man is to get through the process of mourning your hair quickly and just start shaving. In a few months you stop giving a shit.
What I do NOT recommend is trying to hide it (it doesn't work), using a hairpiece (people don't like them and interpret it as insecurity [which it kinda is]), using hair restoration products (they mostly don't work and are a waste of money), or getting cosmetic surgery (really expensive and IMO not worth the expense/risk)
It sucks going bald, especially in your 20s, but it doesn't suck nearly as much as it used to, especially now that beards are in style again.
As a not bald man (??? figuring that out atm but I've been living as a man hitherto) I don't think it's appropriate to give one size fits all advice here and this is pretty much the exact thing I dislike seeing. There's definitely a lot of hokum out there, and "restoration" of hair isn't really possible, but I've been on fin/minoxidil for about a year and it's done a good job at arresting the mild hair loss I was starting to see.
I'm glad shaving it all off has worked out for you but pretending it's the only option isn't helpful. I like my hair, and I'd like to keep it for the time being.
My personal experience with those is that eventually they stop working and I was just kicking the can down the road, and I regret ever spending any money on it.
In the long run shaving your head is the strategy that works out best because you can't become balder and it's a look you can easily maintain the rest of your life. I am not giving one size fits all advice, just the advice that worked for me, and expounding the benefits of it.
interpret it as insecurity [which it kinda is]),
I agree with you mostly but I think this attitude is kinda borne out of toxic masculinity tbh. Women wear wigs, weaves, and all manner of other stuff and it’s fine, men should be able to do the same. Some of the real hair hair systems that you cut into your hair are really nice and indistinguishable if they’re done right they’re just dumb expensive lol.
Yes and unfortunately to socialize as a man you have to bear the existence of toxic masculinity in mind, as well as just general fashion trends
Toupees are never fashionable or trendy and I have never seen them referenced in any context whatsoever but ridicule, and the bar for a good one, as you just pointed out, is being unable to tell it's not real hair
Grabbing a razor and going full cueball is a cheap and easy option and it's one that is actually in fashion
I guess but part of that is just people buying into it being normalized. Used to be weird for straight guys to wear make up and fingernail polish and now that’s changing. If I could afford them I’d definitely get one just to do different hairstyles for fun but I can’t lol.
Or we can normalize not stigmatizing baldness which is a lot cheaper
This was specifically in reference to a toupee worn specifically by a masc presenting cis man to hide the bald spot that society says he should be deeply ashamed of, and how most people will interpret you spending hundreds of dollars on a custom hairpiece to hide a part of your body you do not want people to look at.
Sure, normalize wearing wigs. Fashion rules don't make any goddamn sense at all under serious scrutiny and I by and large don't pay attention to them because I have a hell of a time finding anything that even fits me to begin with.
I just stated my advice which is stop agonizing over baldness as a cis man. After I stopped worrying about it and shaved my head it was a huge relief to my mental health, and I can only imagine how fucking horrible my anxiety would be if I was wearing a toupee to try and hide it if it was successful, let alone if it wasn't. And it would be money I desperately need for other things anyway.
TLDR I'm sorry if my advice came across as rude or heteronormative, I'm just trying to help people with troubles I've already been through
most people here are viciously cruel whenever they spot the opportunity. it's redditors after all
Death to America
Mfw a reddit spinoff of a banned subreddit is full of redditors
:surprised-pika:
this post is almost certainly bait, but there was a recent attempt at an effort post in c/menby that was met with jokes.
you will find somebody who loves you
don't make promises you can't keep. Statistically some of us will die alone after decades of misery and loneliness because capitalism alienates us and robs us of opportunities to socialize, and covid means it's unsafe to meet strangers in most of the culturally acceptable ways that used to be available.
don’t make promises you can’t keep. Statistically some of us will die alone after decades of misery and loneliness because capitalism alienates us and robs us of opportunities to socialize, and covid means it’s unsafe to meet strangers in most of the culturally acceptable ways that used to be available.
charitably, this is an issue with understanding of social norms, but whether or not this is entirely truthful it is very much not helpful
In hindsoght my comment falls under what you described. Sorry OP
Yeah I'm pretty sure body shaming is against site policy. We need that to be enforced more strictly it seems.
And you know what? It does take some mindfulness as you say but once you put in that initial work it's super easy. I remember being an edgelord in middle school with the r-slur and being all "it's just a word! :freeze-peach:" but as i grew as a person i stopped saying it and being okay with people saying it around me, and again like you've said it's so worth it
thank you for putting in that effort comrade, I appreciate you for doing that :heart-sickle:
:this:
unless its that weird purple very bruised one a guy sent me on here
yeah some weirdo sent me a thing and i sent it to the admins and they banned him. kinda posted a lot too
i can only assume he was strangling his dick to make it look big idk. or maybe he stuck it under a car wheel
body dysphoria isn't something one can "snap out of" or "just stop thinking about" like others suggest in this thread.
I don't know if this is most appropriately classified as body dysmorphia since it shares more in common with body image issues associated with toxic masculinity, which are far more culturally imposed than anything.
The answer is to unlearn toxic masculine ideals, which are the root cause for far more ills than just body image issues, and replace them self acceptance. In practice this is easier said than done. But it is the only solution.
Still. Do not bodyshame.
For real, the size isn't important at all as sex involves a lot more than just... um... penetration lol. It can be hard to reassure someone with a small dick that it's okay, as often times they think that you're just being "nice" about it. On top of that, there definitely is some trouble with a dick being too big, at a certain point it's just hard to handle. Some of the best sex I've had was with people with small dicks, and the worst I've had was a man with a literal anaconda for a dick. I don't know a good way of breaking someone out of their bubble and building up their confidence, it's not easy when these feelings have been internalized for so long.
maybe the solution IS telling people that worrying about it is stupid then
After reading the response to this thread I wanted to voice something that is bothering me.
A lot of the time men will ask for help.
People will try to make them feel better by reminding them of the fact that these societal norms aren't necessarily true "Actually, I like all dick sizes so try to remember that it doesn't really matter"
Men will then accuse them of trivializing the issue or not trying hard enough to placate them.
I don't know what you want. People have screamed from the rooftops that size doesn't matter, so I kind of excuse some of them for being a little like "FFS dude how many times do we have to tell your dick is fine! C'mon!"
I don't see that as dismissive, it's someone trying to give you some damn confidence. They're just trying to help. I know that doesn't excuse it, but I honestly think people do want to help but they don't know how and are getting frustrated.
My personal opinion is as we explore our language and how it impacts others we should grow from what we learn. I think if it isn't already then body shaming of all kinds including dick shaming should be enforced more strictly by mods.
This right here. Imagine if someone posted about being cripplingly insecure due to their unemployment. Being good communists, we would all recognize how that feeling is artificially created by capitalism and try to comfort them. But when the insecurity is dick size, half the comments place the blame squarely on OP and think he should snap out of it the moment someone says his dick is fine.
I have no idea your dick is small until I'm in a bedroom with you and I assure you that I am in a bedroom with you for more than a dick, much like I sure hope you're there for more than some tits.
Besides, there are things you can do with a big dick, and things you can only do with a small dick. Like, it really isn't all about size. You don't need to go that far above average before it becomes actively problematic because most women are built for average depth, and many smaller women can't even do average without pain or asking for consideration.
I will say that the "size doesn't matter" response can be taken as a white lie told to make them feel better. But of course what else are you supposed to say then? You can't convince someone of something they won't or can't believe. The reality is that preference is all over the place and you can't change that, but it's hard to accept things you can't change.
TMI about my own experience here (rambling)
I used to stress so much about it when I was younger. I can say truthfully that I am about average (perhaps a bit thin? Idk I only had a ruler not a measuring tape) when measuring properly from the pubic bone, but perception is so fucked that average can feel small, especially given the average dick size observed by men through porn. Combined with insecurity about my weight I felt like such a dumpster fire. But then I just... stopped worrying so much? And while I still hate my body due to weight issues I just don't care at this point. I can feel the insecurity nibbling at the edge of my mind but unless something truly traumatizing happened I don't think about it. What's tough is that whenever anyone would say to get over it and love myself, that just made me angry. Oh, easy for you to say! So while it is ultimately the path forward IMO, it can be tough to get there and impossible to lead someone there.
I started stressing less about my dick size once I realized they make vibrating cock rings
I don’t know what you want.
a magical fucking button to solve the issue, or else a minority to blame, usually
Not going to wade into any other serious discourse because I'm half asleep.
But I am pleased to announce that I also have a small dick. I'm serious, and I have the worst opsec on this site so I can easily be tied to this post.
Yeah, I have depression. Yeah, I have body image issues and am overweight. Yeah, I watch porn sometimes and think "fuck, I know this is kayfabed but I wish I had even half of that dick".
I also got married 3ish years ago to the love of my life, and we'd already been together for 10 years before that.
You can pleasure partners. You're not a fucking loser. Your dick doesn't mean shit - hell, a good chunk of the time your body in general doesn't mean shit.
I'm going to take this post as sincere. If it is sincere, and you do post here, you're more likely to be a good person who's done some introspection than most.
Do what you need to do mentally to be happy, and I guarantee you'll stop worrying about your dick size along the way. This isn't easy, fuck me I know, but along the way I've definitely cared less and less about my dong not being a 9 inch granite sculpture and started to work on other issues.
I'm Mindfury, I've got a small dick, and I approve this message :stalin-approval:
Can we stop calling OP a wrecker even indirectly? I've seen many comments doing that, and I am yet to see an actual argument in the comments. I doubt it feels good to see all this "potential wrecker" discourse for the OP...silent as they may be...understandable as that may be.
nonetheless, I think the anecdote you provided is a positive contribution. (I also like the cute stalin you added at the end). I realize I end too many posts by saying thank you, but it really does take to courage to say "yeah, my dick ain't large, so what". On top of the positive example of finding love nonetheless. Sidenote:kayfabe really should be a term we leftists use more. The whole thing behind it really does play into our ideas.
Dunno if this is a bit or not but dick-shaming is an extension of body-shaming and it's not good to do. We've had this discussion recently with the Greta Thunberg/Andrew Tate own. And while it was a solid own, vulnerable men do get caught in the crossfire. It's best not to use it as an insult if one can.
It’s best not to use it as an insult if one can
Me, stuck in a saw-esque death trap where I am forced to bodyshame for my survival: lord forgive me for what im about to do
but seriously it's pretty easy to just not do it. I don't think there's a non-convoluted situation where you "need" to
This is bait but small dicks are fun to suck, if there's any actual short kings or queens out there know it straight up doesn't matter beyond your internalized patriarchal stuff (not that I'd blame you, it's thrusted onto us since day one).
all dicks are fun to suck
all clits are fun to suck
maybe i just like sucking :shrug-outta-hecks:
Is this a bit? I don't think anyone here would shame small dicks unironically?
Anyone who size shames your dick is an ass.
Maybe no one here would intentionally shame small dicks, but I've seen plenty of jokes about chuds having small dicks, or communists having big ones, that normalize the idea that having a small penis is shameful. It's not just dick size either, this site has a problem with body shaming in general.
Ah, I see. Sorry. In that case that we need to enforce our bodyshaming policy. I am def not cool with making people feel bad for having a small dick.
Honestly I've seen it much more often with weight than dick size. Practically every video of a cop has at least one comment insulting them for being fat.
A lot of people who don’t have to experience media and jokes about how pathetic small dicks are will downplay your anxiety and make you feel crazy. It’s funny that people recognize that a lot of our anxieties are irrational but then pretend you can just snap your fingers and everything you’ve internalized for decades will poof away.
I don’t have any advice for you. Just don’t take their words seriously because most of them never had to worry about it.
all dicks are beautiful :meow-hug:
except Dick Cheney, fuck that piece of shit
I'd still pull his pants down. Sucking that geriatric loser off is a small price to pay for the memes that could be had If one of us actually did so.
~~Did you not read? ~~ sucking off a bad person we all hate would be great great meme content. Imagine the potential memes if somebody had a believable post describing Kissinger's penis.
strikethrough for overly hostile, hope the joke stands though.
I would not, and did not say, I would enjoy it. I would take a bullet for the team because the memes would be hilarious.
:downbear:
shitty thing to respond to someone publicly expressing body insecurity and vulnerability to people who are supposed to be comrades. Doesn't matter what you think you know about this guy's personality from reading this one single post. Do better.
if I ever stop being such a loser I can’t get a partner. Honestly, I don’t even try.
:shrug-outta-hecks:
What's your issue with just being supportive or being quiet? Why do you insist on adding negativity? Do you deem OPs heartfelt emotions too pathetic to be left alone without an insult? Seriously I don't even give a shit if it's bait or not, this is just shitty to read
foregone defeatism then, idk. learned helplessness. I can't be saved etc
nah
i hate to be like this on hexbear, but maybe you should fuck off instead then?
no one was begging for your input. no one was clamoring for you to come here and make someone feel bad.
the next time you feel the need to be cruel to someone expressing a vulnerability, just go away.
While it's okay to feel the way you do for now, it's not okay to let those feelings prevent you from leading a fulfilling life.
I realize you didn't reason yourself into this slump, but that doesn't mean you can't use reason to give you a roadmap to progress on getting out. You may feel the same way you do now but if you trust in the logic of the situation, and follow it, you will get results.
It sounds like sexuality is important to you. That's okay. Some people are sexual beings and they want to have a lot of sex and enjoy it and for other person(s) to enjoy it too.
The next step would be to find sexual compatibility with someone else. Penises come in different sizes and so other body parts. It's true there will be some people for who you are too small. That's okay. But it's a mathematical certainty there is someone who you are perfect for. So the task here is to bolster yourself emotionally to find that person. You will face rejection and it sometimes will be about your penis size. Sometimes it will be about your insecurity because that won't go away overnight. Sometimes it will just be your personality, before you even get to the sex stuff. The important part is not to take all rejection personally. It's difficult if you feel insecure but I believe you can do it.
After that the next hardest part will be trusting someone when they say you satisfy them. You will disagree and feel insecure and think they're lying to you. You'll find "proof" they're lying. If you're not careful it will break up the relationship which will lead to a spiral downwards and retreating into more insecurity. It will take conscious effort to move past this. Be open and honest about your feelings with your partner and let them know you're going through something. If they're willing to stick around and help you through it, then that's special.
You may never get over this. That's okay. The point isn't to eliminate those feelings, it's leading a fulfilling life despite those feelings.
Believe it or not, this is a huge aspect of all relationships for various reasons. For you it happens to be a physical trait. For some people it's other things. A lot of people do not play the numbers game because it is exhausting and requires subjecting yourself to more disappointment. Some people would rather just be single and miserable than go through the pain of finding a suitable partner or work on things from their end. What you are going through happens to a lot of people, you are not alone.
Capitalism isolates us and makes it harder to meet a lot of different people. It also makes it hard for us to trust others. These are hurdles we must all face if we want to be happy on the road to socialism.
In the meantime the people here can help with making you feel less uncomfortable.
