This isnt a crisis post btw, I have care scheduled very soon
I highly suspect i have BPD and i just want to know if it ever gets better or easier to live with? 4 days ago i felt stable and now I'm back to completely losing my mind and cant reel it back in
Not even sure whats real or not about my emotions at this point other than being trans
I have a friend who has it and they've been managing especially after starting DBT. It doesn't seem like it was easy at the start, mental health sucks :(
What is, err, BPD?
I think I may know what you're talking about though...
How has dating been for you if i can ask? Im stuck in this place where i am starved for touch and emotional intimacy but actually trying to date causes me to go totally out of control
I don't, but I do want to say that my friend with BPD isn't any more or less of a pain in the ass than my friends who don't have borderline and the dehumanization of people with BPD concerns me.
In my long mental health journey, I was diagnosed at first with BPD when I was around 20 years old, mostly because (I suspect) I was mutilating, had feeling of emptiness/death and was kinda having "clivage" in my relationship.(Where I was super into someone until I had my fill then vanished from the surface of the earth.)
I read a lot on it, took note of when some behaviors happened and practiced some kind of self-crit. But mostly, aging dulled the strongest feeling.
Also later, I've been diagnosed as Bipolar, which I think fits better overall. As what I've read on it. DBT works wonder for BPD as it was first developed for that trouble I believe.
my friend w BPD manages it very well. they go to therapy and do DBT. i saw you asking abt dating further down the thread. my friend holds relationships well but they keep going back to this horrible, emotionally abusive guy. please dont put up w that shit, you deserve better and there are plenty of ppl who would love to be with you :) ik i dont know u but ur on hexbear so u must be at least a little based
best of luck
I am not in any relationship rn really but thank you for the support if i was
Life got better for me after years of therapy and a prescription for lamotrigine. The constant mood swings are still there, but they're not as severe (that's the lamotrigine) and I can usually bring myself back down to baseline before doing anything stupid (that's the therapy).
My partner has BPD and it has been challenging for both of us. They are going through therapy specifically for people with BPD and have had medication prescribed through contact with a psychiatrist from hospitalizations due to suicide attempts (which I present for)
At some point I looked for communities for support. There are some targeted towards people who are close to people with BPD and I would suggest you remain critical if you choose to engage with them. I have hurt and have been hurt by my partner and it has caused some negative thoughts I am not very proud of. The communities I am referring to tend to be very unempathetic and othering of people with BPD. It made me very uncomfortable and upset seeing some of these hurt individuals further marginalizing people with BPD and I think there's a risk you may share the same experience.
It's very unfortunate you have to contend with this without (I am assuming) an environment which can be supportive, if I could give any advice it would be: don't ever blame yourself for your condition. My partner would blame themself and it wreaked havoc on their mental health. They have improved quite a bit, but it's still there and something we are both working through. Of course it goes without saying you have to deal with the consequences, but they are not your fault.
My partner improved significantly over the years, I want to say this isn't reflective of what your experience might be, think of it more like a case study. You may improve immediately (as my partner did with medication) and then have a slow gradual progression with therapy. It will definitely take time and I wish you the best. If you'd ever like to ask any questions or anything (or anyone else for that manner) don't hesitate to send me a message.
EDIT: I see you mentioned dating, my partner has had their social fulfillment most in groups aligned with her core interests (through volunteering) rather than work or friends from childhood or college.
Thank you for the kind words. Thankfully my friends are very supportive. I would very much like to know what therapy specifically for bpd looks like, if you had any insight
Of course, I wish I could give you more than words. I'm being a bit cautious so I was vague intentionally. It's DBT administered by a PhD at a local university who is applying a protocol their research group developed under a notable researcher in the area.
It's specific due to the nature of the issues my partner faces. They were doing individual DBT prior and had completed group DBT as well (which what was recommended to them and I believe is what is recommended generally) but hit a bottleneck and was referred to their current therapist by their prior therapist. The results are quite good from what they say and they are much more hopeful now than there were in the therapy they did before (they did Schema Therapy before doing DBT). I think it's helped them as well since there are less suicide attempts and self-harm. They are also more hopeful which is absolutely heart-warming to see.
EDIT: To comment again on dating, we date because I am also neurodivergent and I guess very understanding. When I would go to my friends for support they would more or less tell me to leave and think about my own needs to the detriment of my partner. That was (and is) nonsense to me so I was more careful in who I shared my relationship issues and feelings with. I got very lucky and I am not really sure what advice I could give :/
Thank you for the in depth reply. Based on a few of the replies it sounds like i should be looking for DBT. Ive done regular talk therapy before. I dont really know the difference
It's one of the cognitive behavioural therapies most suited towards BPD. The researcher who developed it, Marsha Linehan, has BPD. From my cursory reading (review and meta-review papers) a few years ago and information from my partner's therapist both say that it's among the, if not the most, effective therapy for people with BPD.
EDIT: Some talk therapies follow a structured program, some don't. DBT, CBT, etc. are all therapies that follow a protocol. This is probably best contrasted with psychoanalysis which is not structured in the same manner and therefore not as neatly replicable. For example, I am doing a CBT for people with cPTSD and the first part was geared towards increasing my baseline. Basically working together with my therapist to commit to and engage in pleasurable activities, and activities for building mastery. After that we started the second part where we accumulated and analyzed my behaviours and thinking patterns. I am in the third part now where we are challenging those negative and unhelpful thoughts (this is the cognitive part) and sort of updating them with more accurate thoughts (ones that aren't maladaptive).
Ah, a more structured program does seem like itd be very helpful as i have adhd as well. I will look into that
My girlfriend is diagnosed with BPD, and I've learned some stuff about it as a result. The main thing you should know is that therapy can really help with BPD. My understanding is that many people with BPD can be treated with just therapy and no meds, and generally there is a high success rate.
My girlfriend started therapy before we met, but from what she has told me she is doing a lot better as a result. A lot of time, people will share awful stories about relationships where on partner has BPD, but ours hasn't been like that at all. I think we're closer because of the way that she has practiced self awareness, and also because she is very sensitive to how I am feeling. It's honestly wonderful to have someone care about me like that. I do need to reassure her sometimes that she hasn't done anything wrong, and I won't leave or anything, but it's not hard to do that because I really like her.
What specifically are you losing your mind about?
My previous therapist wasn't qualified to diagnose me but they and an ex with BPD both said I have some symptoms. Particularly splitting on people a lot and a completely lack of trust and security in my interpersonal relationships
I've adjusted to living with mine. I think I'm handling it better even though it hasn't actually gotten better. It sucks that I generally can't really form very deep or long connections and 99% of all friends ever only last 1-2 years. Thankfully I keep making new friends to cycle through
Dating healthily is impossible for me though I'm ngl
Some of the same stuff, struggling to form deep connections while craving a deeper emotional intimacy. Like i cant reciprocate almost. But currently i also developed a crush on someone super fast after one date and am spiraling out of control again. I guess i'm just afraid of being alone all my life
Everybody is scared of being alone. That's probably the most valid human emotion there is
The best support I know how to give is that I understand your struggle with spiraling out of control so much when it comes to a romantic relationship. You're not alone in this one
I've been seeing somebody recently and I am filled with the worst anxiety I've had for years until they respond to me. Then all of a sudden everything is perfectly fine for a few hours. I have 0 security and trust and I can already tell this is not gonna last very long because of me
I've been seeing somebody recently and I am filled with the worst anxiety I've had for years until they respond to me. Then all of a sudden everything is perfectly fine for a few hours. I have 0 security and trust and I can already tell this is not gonna last very long because of me
I feel so seen rn
But also, unrelated to dating
cw: discussion of suicide
I got really drunk and couldnt handle my emotions and begged a very close friend of mine to take my life. Feels like im just a parasite on the people around me and their emotions. I'm like a happiness vampire
If they're a very close friend I'm sure you have lots to offer them that has made you two become that close
But definitely therapy in case they may get overwhelmed in the future. I've lost a few friends during a period where my then therapist was awful and unhelpful so I leaned on my friends too much
I hope so. They are a very kind person and very dear to me.
Yeah. Therapy is a major priority for me rn. Its been tough finding a therapist that takes my insurance and treats my issues and is close enough for me to get to regularly
