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weird uncomfortable sex/dysphoria/sexual anatomy posting
I already know VERY well that I have worse than no interest in sticking everyone's least favourite external genitalia into anything or anyone, and like oral sex is also fucking terrible. I can't really tell how okay I am with treating it like a clit, I guess. I think it's okay...? maybe?
And more generally, would I even mind having it if I could tuck at all? The most common thought I have about anything below the belt is that I need to learn to tuck.
I know it also kind of bugs me that my front is not flat when pressed against a partner, even though pressing it against stuff feels pretty good. Apply pressure. Clit is definitely vastly improved after longterm ESTROGEN WITHERING
at least, like low-to-zero sex fluids is cool, but I feel weird and undecided about it I guess.
I have no desire to recieve re: insertive sex, now or ever, and I can't even really picture how that would feel with a vag honestly, bad interroception again. It almost feels weird to imagine myself with different anatomy, but I think that's more because the idea of dramatically altering my body like that is unreal to my brain, since it can't happen yet, y'know.
One of the things that really destroyed my ability to even think about this subject was, again,
en bee 
because as a teen I really wanted bottom surgery due to self hate, and then when I became less of a loser I really wanted it because my micro brain figured I was just supposed to. Removed of all the cisnormative assumptions, though... what do I actually want? How do I feel about the anatomical options available to me??? Idek.
I relate kind of, I don’t really have any desire to stick it anywhere or get it sucked necessarily, but at the same time I don’t really hate it (apart from the thing I mentioned the other night) and the idea of getting srs feels off to me.
Such a weird feeling, almost wish I felt one way or the other...
I tried putting it in someone and felt so disgusted I wanted to keel over.
I just have a visceral distaste for using it
weird and horrible
Same but my ex was uh really interested in me doing that for a couple years so um yknow
more weird and uncomfortable shit
How are you even supposed to know what to feel about various fuckin genital configurations without the sexual motivation? It seems like a lot of people have that as a driving force for whatever anatomy choices they make, but if I ask me about the subject, nothing above the brainstem with regards to this. I assume I have feelings about it, maybe this is some kind of trauma block again. I don't even know.
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I know of at least one ace enby who picked zero depth vaginoplasty. No need for sex, so no need for a cavity. One of my friends is similar but she's not ace (also hasnt had it yet). Just not interested in being penetrated.
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Huh, so 90% of the issue just gets discarded? Interesting. I guess they'd probably use the sensitive parts to construct the clitoris anyway?
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Yeah same as penile inversion, the clitoroplasty is the same for both just retains some of the old glans and moves stuff around. You can even get a cavity in later if you change your mind. You still get labia and everything, looks just like a bog standard birth vagina.
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Woah really? I did not know you had the choice to get a cavity put in later, banger. Cool!
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WAIT YOU CAN GET LABIA WITH BOTTOM SURGERY?!
I uh, did not know that. The (handful) of pictures I'd seen didn't appear to have any/visible inner labia. That's pretty cool. Also being able to get depth later is pretty cool. I assumed it was one of those, pick now and forever hold you peace kinda things.
Nullification sounds fun.
Yeah, I used to think I wanted to keep “it” for that reason, but now I don’t care, but that could change. It’s hard to know what to do when my feelings can change so greatly.
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Guess one nice thing about being such a dense egg is at least I knew I had a strong interest in an orchi long before I had any clue I might not be cis, so no influences of feeling like I have to conform to some binary gender (well... there were, just in the opposite way). But in terms of the rest? Idk. I think my current configuration is my least favorite option? Everything from vag, to null, to salmacian or other neo options at least seem marginally better (although salmacian/neo options mostly just seems cool as a fk u to social normal I think?), but like not sure if any are worth surgery and recovery (even if totally free and I wouldn't have to go without pay during that time)? Not like I'm interested in sex either way AFAIK.
Wish we could just easily swap parts on a whim...
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salmacian sounds like it would be cool, was nice to hear that as an option for people.
Right? Like, I don't think I'd ever get that, but anyone who does automatically gets extra cool points imo.
Yeah I think it's awesome and there is the option, not sure if I'd get it personally either but I have thought about it.
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I'm also in the boat of I've always wanted to have a vag but have had a bad experience with the "system" so I'm unclear on what to do in the future
So real
I wish I had an easy answer
I don’t believe in easy answers. Often I don’t believe in anything. The positions just bounce around in my head. Too much to analyze and impossible to compare.
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Do not do self orchi please. Unless you have a clean room and the supplies and a knowledgeable support person. You know what? Even then.
You can get zero-depth vaginoplasty. Looks like a vagina, pees like a vagina, but there's no vaginal cavity. One of the first bottom surgery for femme types I watched was a non-binary person who got zero-depth! You can also get penis preserving bottom surgery if you want. There's a whole world of options~ ☆ I think if you want you can also just have nothing? Like just your ureter has a little hole, otherwise smooth (maybe some scars).
If you want help figuring it out - imagine you get in a car crash and you wake up to a doctor saying "sorry about your genitals, we couldn't figure out how to reconstruct down there without your input - which one would you like?" And the doctor holds up a picture of a standard penis, a standard vagina, a penis preserving vagina, and just smooth. They can do whichever you want, no issues, they have all the donor tissue you need and there are, somehow, no other complications from the car crash. Literally just have to pick. The point here is to take away all the feelings of risk and the feeling that you're making an active choice of going bottom surgery route vs passive choice of doing nothing - now no matter what you pick you'll have a better idea of what you really want. Even if that turns out to be you'd rather not go through the trouble, that's fine!
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I knowwwwww the self orchi is just a bit, promise... Looking at a reddit post of someone who did it and then maybe died was like, yeah.
I know of all of these options, and I don't really have any strong feelings about any of them. I feel almost as weird about theoretically getting neutralised or a vulva as I do currently? Which is like, passively discomforted? Idek. I do think these options are all cool as fuck for even existing, though. Look at the new ways the human body is being transformed.
Uh that's kind of the thing, my biggest motivation in this choice would be what's convenient day to day I guess, so again no tucking... Would I want to fuck around with sticking stuff in myself? Would I be happy with zero depth? Should I just spring for the dick again because I'm maybe not that dysphoric even? Uh who knows, look at this ridiculous bad interroception. I would probably pick the standard vag, but not out of a burning desire to have one. God I feel so fucking weird aaaaaa
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That literally was an option I was offered
They fixed the [deleted comments can still be read through api]
Fucking nerd, don't peep comments
Oh really? When my app stopped doing it I assumed they fixed that.
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I regret talking about it, I don't feel comfortable
Sorry
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not your fault