SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Show
Let's have another good week everyone 
weirdo sex shit, utter filth, seriously nsfw
Chronicles of autoremoved, volume II
I need the attention and interaction and affection of my partner, but also I could probably almost be theoretically autosexual, with how much of my internal sexbrain seems to revolve around me instead. I am happy to pleasure my partner, I enjoy it a lot, but also it seems like I am really taking to being hot and enjoying it. My thought processes coalesce around my being a beautiful enby and basically sexualising myself, now that I feel more comfortable and compatible with that sort of thing, in a healthy way. Being sexualised on my own terms, in affirming ways, how I want. I also keep getting more beautiful which is very helpful. Fucking myself would probably be fun now...
I also like involving another person though, it's like Look at me, I am gorgeous, who wouldn't want to gaze upon me, put their hands on me? So while the way this works is probably slightly greedy, it's also easy to integrate a partner into this stuff and like, bask in it. Feels fucking great. I think it takes me a lot to let anyone in sexually--I used to just be incapable, but my wife has been so incredibly sweet and very good to me--so as much as it sounds like disgusting fucking dirty smut
I think it's also a very intimate emotional thing.
Despite these utterly dirty thoughts I am still pretty sure I am asexual, or ace-spec at the very least. Maybe demi but I'm not sweating it. I still relate weirdly to sex and will freak out easily at it in any context outside of the bedroom with my wife. Just working out how I relate to sex, which again is wonderful.
spoiler
I really wish I knew what got removed here.
That really is the dream, isn't it?
Could you maybe explain what you mean when you say you're asexual though? Because this seems like absolute goals and it always confuses me when you say that. It sounds like you think about it, have it, like it, talk about it, all the things, so how are you asexual? Sorry if that's prying.
LESSON TIME
You cannot be allowed to know! It is a brainrot joke and I'm tryna uphold Seryph thought and not spread it. I will stop doing this bit soon.
"Individuals on the asexual spectrum may completely lack sexual attraction or feel it so little that they relate more to the asexual experience than to the allosexual experience. The common link between individuals on the asexual spectrum is that they do not feel the "standard" amount of sexual attraction or feel it in the "standard" way." (from funny wiki )
If left unattended I can easily not think about sex for weeks, months, years even. I do not really have an innate desire for sex. It's enjoyable, very even, and my wife enjoys it too and it feels good; asexuals are allowed to have sex, like it and think about it, pls observe the pie chart. There are even kink asexuals! You can notice some core differences between me and anybody else in that my weirdo sex posts are always very internal and sort of personal-development-y, which while allosexuals do that too I'd argue it's weird to have it as a primary component.
Primarily though, also, I do not look at anyone and go "god I'd like her to chokeslam me into a wall and fondle me" or whatever the fuck. If asked or prompted I could maybe kickstart horny thoughts, but if really doesn't happen naturally. Awooga is utterly confusing to me, Idk.
What you quote is more or less the dream though, and it's very doable with a good partner who is caring and patient. I recommend it!!
spoiler
Oooh okay I see now. Because when you do think/talk about it I'm always just like
and it sounds like you have like, the perfect, completely "typical" sexuality/sex life/whatever.
Honestly I chalked this up to you processing trauma, and so just thinking a lot of normal things a bit later then most people would I guess. Because none of what you've said seems odd to me.
spoiler
You said you had been bad and then asked for beautiful autistic lesbians to hit on you! No brianrot allowed!!
Oh my gosh Eggnog you're wonderful lol
Thank you, but not only is my sex life the furthest thing from "typical", you also didn't watch everything go dead-bedroom for about six years while I was trying to recover from trauma while being overworked and overmedicated. It was absolute suffering, you've seen a little. I needed many years in a good environment with a wife who loves me to get here.
Lol I always am, true. I assume the average person, allosexual or otherwise, tends to involve other people in their sexbrain a lot more, it seems like most people have more externalised desires, looking for specific types of people they like or "dom" roles and stuff, y'know. Some people also do this so I'm not unique, but y'know. I think I have arrived here slightly weird =)
Also though?
Why is that feeling not your favourite? You know you shouldn't feel ashamed just for having sexual desires, and frankly desiring a beautiful woman to do all that is normal and healthy, I'm pretty sure. You Deserve It, remember!!
spoiler
I have been living in unrepentant sin (please autistic lesbians though), other then that I've been good
Don't call me brian
I guess that's fair, I wasn't thinking of that. I'm sorry for all your suffering. I was just thinking about how you seem to be lately (I haven't known you all that long).
hmm, yea probably. At least more then it sounds like you do.
Wow you've gotten me at a really chatty day, I haven't shared this much about myself in forever. It just feels gross. Especially with (basically always) women talking about how gross people doing that makes them feel. I don't want to make someone feel that way, I don't want to be that, none of it.
Uh also I'm single(/not really sure when [or if but let's not get too doomer] that will change) so that makes it a bit sad too. Wanting something you don't have, its not great folks
I think the issue is less having those thoughts, and more (usually) dudes not keeping them to themselves.
You shouldn't feel ashamed of them, that being said the idea of showing even a modicum romantic/sexual interest towards other women has always been terrifying outside of people I'm already in a relationship in, simply for the same fear of being perceived as a creep.
Like I can make the most heinous jokes towards the cishet men I work with, if nothing else because I know most of those fuckers are just as bad towards women. But the idea of giving even a platonic compliment on a women's choice of clothing feels intimidating.
I'm really hoping once I start presenting as a woman that shit will wash away, but who knows.
spoiler
Not good enough for brainrot though!! Gotta save what little good you've been for the autistic lesbians =)
Don't apologise, I'm happy to chat about it and whatnot. You are catching me at my personal best though, I'm doin' great
bein' weird n shit.
I'm happy I caught you like this! We were just talking earlier about how you deserve stuff and freedom of expression, so this is productive!! The reason women (and also everyone else lol) hate when men do that is because it's objectification that is not fun or consented to, it's some random creeping on you. It's hard to tell what contexts are socially correct to do it in, but I guess generally you don't wanna be thirsting over someone right in front of you unless they are happily flirting back? Again just keep it in mind. You should ask TerminalEncounter or someone about this, maybe... You certainly don't need to feel ashamed for just having those thoughts though, you know? People adore bottom energy, and etc!
True but also people are single all the time and being incredibly gay and single isn't inherently bad or sad. Would be nice to have gf for those times though
spoiler
Hell yea, love being at our bests
I know. I think I'll just think about our earlier conversation, after typing and deleting a bunch of shit I think its just upsetting me and maybe I'll just leave it there. Thank you for talking with me.
I think we might just have different experiences. It is both sad and bad for me.
spoiler
Pfblglgppflflgofn I'm sorry WHO thought?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!? :hyperflush:
Literal Sery Thought
I think it was you who started the thread about brainrot lingo being bad, and while I am a shitposter I also totally agree. My comrades don't need to be exposed to that. I am like, 'Would Seryph say this fuckin cursed transchanspeak?'
I know and yes I was I'm just... Flattered by it, very much so. Thank you.
Yw, it's good thought
There is/are a lot of misconceptions and misinformation surrounding the aroace community, we can enjoy sex, we aren't prudes and we can also have kinks. Think of it conceptually similar to the autism spectrum.
I know I missed sex night and almost no one will read this, but I used to say I was auto sexual but that’s cause I thought I was hot from the outside. I’m the opposite in that my body is beautiful object that’s not me, and I can’t imagine what sexual relations would involve me and be good.