trying to sell you nudes makes me feel like she was aware of your romantic interest, wasn't interested herself, but wanted to get something out of you anyway
She's being exploited by society, she's trying to exploit in return. It's some absolute shit but it's also what capitalism does...separating people from their community and making relationships transactional.
OP it's not your fault. It's probably not her fault either. It's a shit situation all around, and I'm super sorry that happened.
Please don't. This is a super weird and awkward situation someone put you in and it's not your fault that happened.
Hey comrade I am autistic too and was like that. Then I met my current boyfriend who is also on the spectrum. We just clicked and it's been smooth sailing ever since. We are on the same wavelength about most things and there is no awkward misinterpretations going on. Have hope man you can find someone too.
Well you have just made one. Keep fighting man it's hard being like us in a world that is not set up for us but we can thrive given the right environment. I'm sorry you had to deal with rejection and a confusing new social situation on top of each other those two things always send me into a spiral of misery.
being friends with someone you don't find attractive and building skills might help to work on those fears
'it never even began for me' is an Incel phrase. Have you visited those sites? No shame in it - we've all had our bad phases.
harangue about "incel logic" does the opposite of what you're trying to do. you don't help socially isolated people by encouraging them to view their despair about isolation as a moral failing.
I was just asking him if he'd visited them because if he has, I also have experience there. Means I can help better - speak in terms that someone is familiar with.
Yeah, me too lol. Chapo replaced braincels for me - just a niche ingroup that's terminally online.
But it seems like you should be fine - mentalcel is volcel as they all used to say. Lets be real, if you're hot, you don't need to have mad chat up skills. Looksmax like mad.
There's hope yet
oh that's easy
you get upset over this
you realize she's probably a toxic person anyway
you go find someone else
after a long happy life you die in your sleep. :)
Transaction-izing basic human social interactions is one of the greatest evils capitalism has let loose upon the earth. That and climate collapse
Yes, this so much. Neoliberal capitalism frames all human relations as an exchange of goods or services between strangers. Turning our interactions into transactions necessarily means treating our friends as strangers, which is alienating. It's deeply human to be distressed by that.
i swear that was a big change for me when i moved from a "third-world country" to a "first-world" one. back home, my friends and i would treat each other all the time, pay our bills, buy food etc. etc. without even a hint of ever "paying back". even if you're poor, money is nothing between friends. then, bam, i'm in the capitalist west and every transaction down to the last freaking cent is being calculated and divided in our bills. at first i'd joke about this with other immigrant friends but as the years went on, i too became like that. shit's toxic.
the debt book is great for going over the history of that process, especially during the medieval period. tonnes of functioning informal credit relationships between neighbours and friends just ripped apart by the spread of bullion
Please don't ask internet fuckos who get off on strangers' personal drama to adjudicate your actions.
But, since we're here: Yeah, it's real fucked that we're so alienated and atomized that personal relationships have become series of transactions rather than bonds forged in proximity and mutual, unspecified debt. It's a perfectly normal and valid response to feel alienated and held at a distance from this situation. You say, "but I think what I wanted to tell her was I don't want to buy your nudes in exchange for something so trivial when all you had to do was ask me to buy you a shelf and I probably would have.. but the fact she's seeing me as a customer rather than a partner / friend upset me." and yeah, that's the crux of it and the part you need her to understand to move forward. Maybe it sounds risky and uncomfortable to be honest in this situation, but that kind of risk and vulnerability is what is necessary for close relationships to develop. We must be compassionate and kind with our friends, but we must also be clear and honest with each other when we feel slighted, giving our friends the opportunity to understand how they've made us feel and to explore why they've done what they've done. This practice is exceptionally important, for it allows us then to mutually alter our behavior, reconcile and forgive quickly, and move forward!
But don't use this as an opportunity to say you're trying to date them. That's an whole other can of worms.
Oof yeah, as someone in his early twenties, I don't think I could talk to most teens, even if they're 19. I'm sure there are exceptions and some 18/19 year olds are very mature (I wasn't tho, lol) but I don't think it's worth the effort. Let 'em all enjoy being freshers and dressing up for the damn expensive and boring frosh parties and joining a dozen club (dropping half of them half-way through and ghosting the rest) and transitioning from school to uni, then dorms to off-campus.
i need someone who's either about to graduate uni or already has and knows that academia is a giant business and you're the customer rather than being about that "dark academia aesthetic". Like, even 20 feels young.
Sorry, I just had another birthday, I'm getting old and I'm tired of life already.
That's weird to sell nudes to your friend you can just say that
You’re not boomer brained, and you understand the situation perfectly well. It’s weird AF. I’d question myself too if it happened to me because there’s like no textbook answer, but like wtf.
Btw, flirting in the 21st century isn’t flirting. It’s commodification via apps. Thanks capitalism.
Take care of yourself comrade. Sorry that happened to you. I can’t tell if she was trying to take advantage of the situation, or if she’s got something posychologicallt awry
tbh as an autist id be like damn you want money sis?
Then just explain that it made you uncomfortable and you'd like her to not sell you nudes or anything like it in the future. If she's autistic, it's literally just explain the social norm and move on.
I thought this was a copypasta at first lol
Seriously, pressuring your friend to buy shit for you and especially doing the weird "I will sell you nudes if you do this for me" is not normal and weird as fuck. YOU didn't fuck it up, she did.
Also don't seriously ask randos on the internet for advice. Venting is one thing but advice is not a good idea.
As a past sex worker, this sadly can become a common thing. Starting to look at others as potential customers rather than potential friends. It sucks, for her and others involved. It's awkward. I'm sorry it happened to you. I hope she realizes it wasn't in the best interest for either of you to ask, and you two can reconnect <3
pressuring a friend to buy from you isn't good. What makes it worse is that she knows you have romantic interest in her
WTF. No. Tell her to get lost. Friends don't do that to friends. That is super gross. Friends don't try and get money out of friends by selling themselves like that or for that matter disregarding your financial situation. She's using your feelings for her for personal financial gain. I'd drop her and move on. No one needs people like that in their lives.
she got capitalism in both your friendship and your feels.
that's pretty fucked, but maybe she's so deep in that shit she thought it was clever maneuvering, to both get a thing she needed, get close to you, and send you something she wanted you to see.
I don't know how to recover it cleanly, and maybe she is just a trashy thoughtless capitalist, but with these possibilities, there's no harm in trying. worst case scenario: you find out she was trash all along. best case: you make out while you assemble a shelf together.
There's a small chance [don't want to get your hopes up, cause idk the situation] that she is a bit Twitter-brained or something, and was thinking that it would be more flirty or something. I guess it just makes me remember a friend of mine who kissed a girl in front of her bf cause she thought he'd be into it. He was weirded out about it (not to mention that sort of attitude is kinda problematic), but if you're young, it may apply idk.
Ya @emizeko called it, I had a feeling it was gonna go that way. It'll be good to get out and away from her, sorry it didn't work out comrade.
Ah shit man, but it really does happen to the best of us. This is an important part of the journey, you'll come out wiser for it.
"Yo, you could have just asked me, it made me feel weird. I like you and would really like to bang you. Anyways, I'm broke."
