The most off the wall, absolutely absurd predictions you can make. I want those lathes spinning like pulsars.
the American right becomes Duginist pro-Putin reactionaries just to be contrarians and rile up the libs. The libs confuse this with Communism, and call it "treason", and move right to own the contrarian MAGA weirdos.
oh wait. that already happened. Anyway, more of that.
Libs call it treason and purge the gop, installing a dem dictatorship with kamala as president for life.
Only one person can stop her. After everything else has been purged and the United States stand on the brink of civil war. :hillary-apartment:
Somewhat-large meteor, just large enough to wipe out every DC political ghoul in one place at the same time, with a breakaway fragment hitting Davos while many of the vampires are gathered there, then a tidal wave carries all the remaining billionaire pedo-yachters straight into some deadly garbage atolls and they are ripped to pieces or suffocate to death under a floating mountain of their own hubris. We can call the event Belmont-2022.
:joker-troll: GOP wins the house and the senate, immediately impeaches and removes Biden (like within hours), Biden refuses to stop being president
and then a bunch of really funny things happen naturally
Democrats in Congress promptly condemns Biden's refusal to step down, citing the legality of the impeachment as well as parliamentary norms and civility.
The political chaos leads congress to pass the "Protect American Bald Eagle Liberty Cheezburger Act" that allows for indeterminate detention of radicalised individuals to maintain public order. In an act of true bipartisanship, democrats votes in favour of the act. In return a detention facility will be named after Martin Luther King at a unspecified date in the future.
Immediately following this the act is used to round up democrat members of congress.
Biden would resign to prove he's not like Trump. Liberals would applaud it.
Kyle Rittenhouse, growing increasingly hungry for further media attention says that Beau Biden deserved to die. Biden promptly strokes the fuck out and Kamala takes over. Republicans sweep both houses and impeach her, Manchin & co also join in on the vote despite them not needing the numbers. Things continue riding into the cool zone as infrastructure collapses from nothing getting done as both sides argue over corruption in the catering arrangements for Joe’s funeral.
In a final desperate attempt to save things, the democrats pick a unity candidate to draw out the “patriotic republicans” in 2024.
spoiler
:hillary-apartment:
Beau Biden absolutely deserved to die. I've been waiting for Joe to Croak so I can tell everyone he's drinking lizard piss cocktails in hell with Beau so my family won't invite me to the next Thanksgiving.
It's actually not that unlikely, but Biden trying to help out some campaigns only to deliver the kiss of death, flipping the house and Senate for Republicans by a slim margin. Would be pretty funny.
DSA splitting over squad members doing predictable shit like fundraising for homophobic warhawks.
Right wing anti-war movement emerges and exists for about 5 months before getting coopted into typical Republicanism. Tom Cotton walking around with a peace sign. Naturally, it's also about inflation and gas prices.
Nancy Pelosi remains Speaker after making a couple public promises to "the squad", immediately reneges. Dies a couple weeks later, is replaced by Clyburn on the same promise. He also immediately reneges.
Dems keep the House and Senate because two new big waves of COVID killed/scared just enough boomers. The next day, Biden launches the nukes in a move of obvious senility that is not countered because The Pentagon thinks it's the best shot we've got at keeping the US on top. Among the roving bands of those who survive, there are frequent disagreements about whether harm was reduced.
Both parties fall over themselves to call for patriotic decarbonization. Neither can imagine anything more than tax credits on new $50k vehicles that comes with a sticker of GAY Putin. Can you imagine? It's Putin but he's gayballs. Comedy gold. Pelosi makes that same homophobic joke and the libs fall all over themselves to explain how being gay is actually kind of bad from a certain angle. Dems lose the house.
DSA splitting over squad members doing predictable shit like fundraising for homophobic warhawks.
:sicko-speeeeen: :sicko-speeeeen:
as the polls close across several contested seats, a well financed terror organization coordinates the detonation of several EMP type weapons, frying telecommunications equipment and over the air transmitters/receivers across the nation. a total information blackout stretches from hours to days to weeks with no one knowing what the hell happened.
as the US descends into rumor mongering and chaotic manuevering of states, the rubber band snaps and national guard armories are looted. a clear picture of what occurs in the US is unknown to the outside world for a generation.
eventually, by UN led investigation, the EMP attack is attributed to an extremist faction of Quebecoise separatists called Le Sacre Bleu calling for the death of all English speakers. they were all killed during a plumbing accident at an IHOP in Winnipeg in 2065.
Drowned in a wave of syrup trying to loot the strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.
Okay, Lathe time. The funniest outcome for me would be the dems getting obliterated in the House of Reps, while gaining exactly 1 seat in the senate. The seat they get is in some other deeply republican area, and we basically have another Doug Jones for the next 6 years. Also I want a new Manchin-type villain, and cant decide if his replacement needs to be from a deeply conservative area, or from a deeply liberal. Would be extremely funny if the next manchin was from New York and got in by getting rid of Schumer, though I don't think that is an option.
:wojak-nooo: :frothingfash: :pit: :wojak-nooo: :no-oil: :Bwaaa: :agony-minion:
Yeah I think this could be the funniest
It's probably gonna be this. Whatever results in the most frustrating lack of change of any kind ... that's what we'll get.
Funniest outcome:
Republicans decide to become less insane, and Joe Biden exposes himself on live television. This leads to a mass exodus from both major parties, with a Q-infused Libertarian party and an invigorated Green party splitting both the House and the Senate into roughly 4-way ties.
The Libertarians and Greens are the current world champions of having opportunity handed to them and fumbling it spectacularly. I'd love to see how they'd mishandle suddenly gaining dozens of House seats.
actually congress is a very serious matter we shouldnt be talking like this maybe you should be brainstoriming on how to get more people to :vote: instead
Then the libs raid the Congress, all of them get rounded up and gunned down. Only one survivor: Brooklyn Dad Defiant "sent immediately to Guantanamo", but later revealed he was a Fed
Juan Guaido calls into the UN from Columbia to decry the illegitemacy of this sham election, and declares himself acting President until we can all figure out what the hell is going on
I don’t even know who is running against her but her losing to some Marjorie Taylor Greene type would be :chefs-kiss:
Riding an army of Spanberger NatSec clones from the sunbelt and conservative Acela suburbs, 2023 will be the first time congress has declared war since Pearl Harbor. But by then Ukraine and Russia will have a peace deal and it will be against Iran or Cuba.
