I've had an old habit of veering towards "stomach flu", as you're not expected to have symptoms after you get better. Also IF your boss randomly asks for a doctor's note, the doctor isn't going to stick a finger in your butt to make sure that you, in fact, have diarrhea. And the doctor is likely just going to give you the note.
My problem is that :im-vegan:, so when I'm constantly calling in for stomach bugs, my workmates are always saying "I thought you guys don't get stomach parasites". Also I'm literally the most covid paranoid person I know IRL, N95 mask everywhere and eating in my classroom alone, with windows open if possible. So it's a lot less likely that I'm going to get a cold or the flu.
So what am I going to do next time I need a lie-in? Say I broke a rib? UTI? Aggressive acne?
That's right. Your medical conditions are none of their damn business. HR is not your doctor.
What are some good lies you fuckers use when pulling a sickie at work?
"I'm sick."
I just say I'm sick and I'm not coming in, I dont owe them an excuse.
i mean just say that you were abit risky with some Kim Chi or something
Well that's a given. I didn't realise that I could use my kimchi obsession for good. :rat-salute-2:
I just say, "i'm not feeling well. I'll be taking a sick day." and no details.
I agree that sparing no details is definitely the best way to go, you don't owe them anything.
Maybe this is weird, but I never specify. I just say I'm not feeling well and leave it at that. You can only pull this off at certain kinds of jobs, though.
If I were a doctor, I'd just give anyone notes for free, no questions asked.
Are notes actually that difficult to do? Every doctor's note I've ever had was something printed out on their letterhead that just said "he came here this date".
Are notes actually that difficult to do
No. Once you've got one, making a template is trivial. Scanning the signature of the doctor in high resolution and cutting out its background will also allow you to "sign" future notes. And nobody's calling doctors to check (they might if you were to pull it off every other week of course). And if they did, I'm not even sure most doctors would answer them.
forged doctors note just to have a sick day
is that technically illegal? I prefer to only commit crimes
Forgery is a white-collar crime that generally refers to the false making or material alteration of a legal instrument with the specific intent to defraud.
Legal instrument is a legal term of art that is used for any formally executed written document that can be formally attributed to its author,[1] records and formally expresses a legally enforceable act, process,[2] or contractual duty, obligation, or right,[3] and therefore evidences that act, process, or agreement.
Defraud - (transitive) To obtain money or property from (a person) by fraud; to swindle.
I reckon that means it'd be illegal if, somewhere in your contract, it said you need to provide a doctor's note. Because handing in a doctor's note doesn't sound like a legal process or right. If it's not in your contract, they might come after you for the term obligation (would also depend on where you live). You'd both be out thousands upon thousands of dollars for the pettiest, dumbest argument to ever exist.
Not a US lawyer but generally most places have a catch-all crime for lying or using a falsified document for your own advantage. Usually called "fraud" but could be something else where you live.
Forgery is generally also a crime in itself.
It's really illegal to lie?? Then what's the difference between lying and lying under oath? That shit SUCKS
It's not generally illegal to lie, but it is generally illegal to lie of it benefits you and someone else loses out because of it.
Lying under oath is a bit different since the prosecution doesn't nerd to prove that you lied maliciously or for your own advantage, only that you lied.
As few details as possible, if they push me on I just say it's coming out both ends even if it's not the reason. Also sometimes I'd hit my vape and hold it while I'm on the phone so my voice sounds a little fucked up, but that's only really if I'm faking it
My ranking and never be descriptive:
Gastro is best because there's no easy proof, we've all been there, and it's embarrassing. Vomiting, diarrhea, etc
Head symptoms are good because, while you might get some follow up questions and advice, there's no easy proof and we've all been there. Migraine, dizzy, etc.
Debilitating symptoms can't be easily proven, but they get way too many follow up questions and people might push back if they can't imagine what you're describing. Leg cramps, thrown back, etc.
I usually just say I'm not feeling well because my manager isn't a dick and he won't press for deets. If I want to add a little flavor I'll say I have a migraine.
I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if a Boomer came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze
I can run snot and eyes pretty much on demand so the one time in my early career they demanded I come in it was trivial to turn on the snot, add a little green to my foundation, and come in looking like I'd rolled a Forsaken in WoW. Really, a little stage makeup goes a long, long way.
tell them you have to drive a truck full of fertilizer to a fed building
