if I had to fight an animal I would simply use delaying tactics until capitalism destroyed its habitat
Chimpanzee is way too high on the list. That mother fucker will pull your nuts off. You ever *cough* see a hairless one? *cough* Jamie *cough* pull that shit *cough* up.
Most people underestimate how strong chimps are. They literally can pull your limbs off.
Most people underestimate how much force it takes to pull a limb off. But yes, chimps can still do that.
There was atleast one case of a chimp ripping off someone's face and eating their eyeballs, so yeah. No thanks.
and ripping someone's hand off of their body with their own bare hands
I'd rather fight a Gorilla than a Chimp. I'm fucked either way but a Gorilla has empathy.
I mean, either way you're going to die horribly in a fight. It's just that with a gorilla you're probably more likely to convince it not to fight you in the first place lol
Juvenile elephant vs. a fit, heavy adult American? I daresay the American would have a big advantage.
:rat-salute:
to the 20% of Yanks and Brits confident that either a rat or house cat would absolutely decimate them in a 1v1.
Those are the ones who've played D&D 3.5 and know that a house cat would wreck them.
Basically, a house cat as statted in the monster-manual has a 51% chance of killing your average unarmed commoner in 3.5 in combat, and even if the commoner survives, they will end up seriously injured. It's among the many absurdities of trying to build a tabletop system that works on both a heroic and practical scale.
Another example is the so-called commoner-railgun, which uses the fact that handing someone within 1 meter of you an object is a free action, which means you can organize a long chain of commoners with a wooden pole and have them all ready the action of handing the next person in the chain the pole when it is handed to them. The last one simply lets go of the pole. The pole travels the full length of that chain in one turn, which is 6-seconds. That means for every 6 peasants in the chain, the pole is going an additional meter a second. Line up 120 peasants and they "fire" the pole at 20 m/s. A quarterstaff is 1.8kg. That means that our pole is delivering 36,000 newtons of force, which is about 12 times the amount of force needed to break a bone. That quarterstaff will probably kill you if it hits you. Now find a city and get 12,000 peasants lined up in the direction of another city. Now we're talking about just shy of 4 million newtons of force. You've got a railgun.
i really get incredulous at that one. the others i can at least imagine weakspots for or at least some way you could feasibly disable them if you were very lucky. how do you even begin to incapacitate an elephant with no technological advantage whatsoever, let alone one thats fighting you?
The scale is just so massively different that even the most damage I could possibly ever do wouldn’t be enough to even inconvenience them
A crocodile???? How on earth do you plan on harming a crocodile at all? It's a fucking dinosaur bro.
Cobras yeah if you can grab it first then you just swing it around and about and against the floor until it's basically just a sausage.
Kangaroos are deadly as fuck too. Like, between them and chimps, they're both super aggressive and strong but a kangaroo has more range.
I think it comes down to the fact that a chimp is human like, so all the chokeholds and stuff like that are gonna work on it. I'm an avid chimp fan and I'm shit scared of them, and on the likely occasion that it beats you you're gonna die a horrible death, but I feel like there's a chance you get a chokehold on it from behind that it doesn't have a clue how to defend itself from aside from flailing around aggressively. On the other hand, I have absolutely no idea how I'd go about putting a kangaroo in a rear naked choke.
Also there's that true story about that guy who choked out a mountain lion. Obvs a mountain lion got nothin on a lion of the plains but still impressive.
people see croc wrestling so dont have a high opinion of their prowess
mountain lions are much much smaller than the real deal, big dogs are more dangerous than them
I just think a chimp has never been put in a choke before and might panic, idk.
I still back myself odds wise over a chimp than a kangaroo
cos what the fuck am I meant to do to a kangaroo
You can subdue a croc with a piece of tape over its snout. They’re no way in hell you’re getting a chimp in a chokehold - they’re fast, smart and strong as fuck. They know how to hurt people which is why their go-to move is to bite your face, hands and balls.
If you look at the story about that lady in Connecticut who got her face and hands eaten by her neighbor’s pet chimp, the chimp’s owner tried to save the friend by repeatedly stabbing the chimp with a large kitchen knife. It didn’t slow him down at all.
yeah but you're unarmed there's no tape allowed
what's your plan once you keep its jaws shut using your arms
crocs just gonna sit there until you starve to death
ya there's even chimps that got shot and just kept on trucking but I just think chimps gonna panic when air stops going to his brain
I'm not saying it's ever a favourable fight but I fancy my odds against a chimp more than I do a croc or a kangaroo
bro elephants only have like, two sharp bits, what are they even going to do
Lmao, we are so up our own asses. We ain't beating any of these in a fight. Why do you think we had to invent so many hunting weapons? We are physically shit as far as animals go.
Our biggest physical advantage is simply not-dying after a long walk
I'm thinking everything from Champanzee down would fuck the average person up, but it seems that a substantial number of Americans think that they're the fucking Crocodile Hunter.
A cobra is a really binary fight tbh, either you grab its neck before it bites you or you don't.
Elephant should be at the top. Like how do you even right an elephant unarmed. A grizzly would at least feel it if you punched it in the face. You could spend all day kicking the shit out of an elephant and it would barely notice.
Yeah if you were super lucky you might be able to run and hide somewhere it couldn't get you. 1v1 though in an actual fight and there's no chance.
Yeah but it's easier to earn an elephant's trust, maybe? And then you could climb it and go for the eyes I guess? You'd still get mauled - I'm just trying to see things from the survey respondants' logic.
The rule of thumb for surveys is that 5% of people with give ridiculous answers because it's funny. So if a survey has a funny answer option and around 5% or less of the answers choose it, you can pretty much just throw out that data.
If the survey itself is based on silly premises, the amount of silly answers will probably be higher. So I think it's safe to say the majority of people who said they could kill a bear or an elephant answered that for a laugh.
Rat - that's breakfast. House cat - lunch. Goose - dinner. People get really mad at you if you fly off with their dogs, I probably wouldn't. I don't know why you'd eat an eagle, they eat garbage. Snakes are also breakfast. I don't know where you expect me to find any of the rest of these animals.
-Owl
Rats are super dodgy, they are fast.
Also americans think elephant is easier than a bear?
They don't even have to be enraged, there's zookeepers who get their noses broken just because the elephant wags their tail and accidentally hits them.
I’ll just see red, broBut for real, with bear at least conceivably you can reach its eyes, elephant is just too big
how can you beat a wolf
edit: stop having opinions on this. you cant beat a wolf
I mean I’m bigger than a wolf. Largest male wolves are around 145lbs, I probably couldn’t beat that, but I think I could take a smaller female at around 60lbs
how the fuck do the majority of british people think that a goose would kick their ass in a 1v1? their bones are hollow, they weigh like 30 pounds at most, and their bite is at most rather painful. A goose can't do shit to you
Hollow bones are actually stronger because of the way they are structured. Geese are strong, I knew a guy that got knocked out by one when it attacked him in the head with its wing.
so in the UK there's a myth that large birds like geese and swans can just fuck you up badly and 'break your arm' is the line you always hear. they'll nip the shit out of you for sure, but besides that the biggest wound is to your pride of being the guy who fights a fucking bird
geese are fucked - If my first few attempts at booting it don't land, i'd nearly give up hope
they're glass cannons
I dunno, I've seen someone fairly substantial get attacked by a Black Swan and "won" is not the word I'd use. Laid on ground screaming while bird stood on him and pecked at eyes is more the end state.
Aggressive but with fuck all backing it up. Geese act all tough and scary but what can they actually do? Nothing. Just grab their giant necks when they try and ineffectually bite you and GG, one dead goose
fine. where the fuck do I go to get in a 1v1 cage match vs. a bird?
I would pay to watch those 17% dumbasses fight a chimp unarmed lmao
This question is a little vague - what percentage of the time would I have to win the fight for it to count as a yes? Everything but the elephant at least has a non-zero chance of victory, but like, does the one percent chance I get the grizzly bear to choke to death on my arm count as "I could beat that in a fight?" Does it have to be a majority of the time? And only the rat and cat and maybe goose are wins 100% of the time. I need to know the 'could' threshold.
