There is something profoundly hilarious about finding loopholes in rules dictated by an omnipotent god.
God is all-knowing, yet he did not even notice that loophole, but since the exact wording says that's OK, he's forced to declare it Not Sin.
"And thus He spoke unto them 'You got me on this one. Y'all crazy.'"
god just got lawyerd hard by the Mormon Kiddies ....
well cope !
God wrote the Bible as a legal document, and all loopholes are intentional and part of God's plan
*rules dictated by an imaginary omnipotent god, even better lmao
Especially seeing as the new Testament explicitly calls out loopholes as ridiculous
They're basically doing the "this court has no jurisdiction because it's technically flying an admiralty flag" thing, but to God.
I had a friend who went to byu (I knew a lot of Mormons) and he claimed that some of the kids he knew there drove down to Vegas, got married, fucked, then got divorced. Because married sex isn't a sin. Not sure if that's even possible, but if it is they'd do it lol
I really hate this, because it expresses god as a judge in some municipal court trying to see if you technically did what you were supposed. There are multiple parts of the Bible where Jesus goes off on the pharisees for trying to rules-lawyer their way into being pure rather than try to act with pure intentions. It is also repeatedly mentioned that the letter of the law is not important, but the spirit of law is what we are supposed to be getting. I'm sure God would prefer a young couple in love to violate the letter of the law by having sex but maintain the spirit by keeping it between two close partners. Meanwhile, this rules-lawyering nonsense shows no love or respect for God and simply a begrudging fear of hell, a resentment of God for requesting certain things of you and a view of this all as a transactional relationship. To view your relationship with God not as a Holy Covenant founded in the love shown in Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross and the outpouring of His blood at the Last Supper, but instead as some contract the same as with a fairy or demon where you must play word-games and mess with definitions to game the system is a slap in the face of God. No wonder Mormons are freaks, they seem incapable of understanding God's love, and deny love to their fellow humans.
It's like the legal argument that Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in DC doesn't legally constitute a sexual relation, but with Mormon levels of prudeness.
That alternate universe where Mitt Romney became president must be insane.
the press would have a field day with water puns. "Romney soaked, then blasted" "sponging away corruption"
We catholics are superior cuz we do whatever we want and then tell that to a dude who can't fuck and he tell us to go pray some twenty paternoster
Yeah the masses I went weren't in latin anymore yet my father remember the controversy of masses now being in spanish. Anyways I said paternoster cuz you'll get what I was referring instead of googling how you call the paternoster in english
Believing we can actually receive forgiveness if we ask for it is better than thinking any mistake is forever and God hates us.
Yeah if god exists, "soaking" is 10 times more insulting to him than if these teens just fucked
I will say trying to exact words God when you don't want to do what God told you to is not a unique behaviour to Mormons.
Imagine believing in a God in the first place.
*edit: I'm really glad this site doesn't have downvotes.
because everybody who is critical of the popular notion of "god" is a redditor
For the record, reddit athiests in most part are still religious because they have subconsciously replaced "god" with neoliberalism and the free market, its still the same moralistic thinking but with a different eldritch nightmare.
To be fair, I am a redditor. But now I'm also a Hexbearian or whatever we call ourselves. Dicks? Should we call ourselves Dicks?
oh no, a condescending take on something non-verifiable either way.
If there is a God, then it's either evil or it's not all-powerful... and in both cases it is unworthy of being called a God.
That's not a logical argument. You'd have to define God, evil, and good in such a way all these traits align with your perspective, and I likely disagree. So, I know your perspective and disagree. General rule of thumb: don't criticize someone's declaration of faith unless it is actively and intentionally harming you.
No faiths harm intentionally. That's the problem with them. They always think that what they're doing is "for your own good" or "for the good of your soul" or "to serve God".
So, by your logic, what they are doing is innocent and fine, because it's passive and/or unintentional harm.
Aside from that, when I'm talking about "God" I'm specifically speaking about the Judeo-Christian-Islamic "God of Abraham" which is the religion that most people in the world claim for their faith. That god, specifically, did some fucked up repugnant shit. Like commanding his followers to commit genocide:
(Deuteronomy 20:16-18): 6 However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. 17 Completely destroy[a] them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you. 18 Otherwise, they will teach you to follow all the detestable things they do in worshiping their gods, and you will sin against the Lord your God.
(Joshua 10:36-37): 36 Then Joshua and all Israel with him went up from Eglon to Hebron and attacked it. 37 They took the city and put it to the sword, together with its king, its villages and everyone in it. They left no survivors. Just as at Eglon, they totally destroyed it and everyone in it.
I could quote a LOT more repugnant evil shit, but you know what I'm talking about.
yeah I also don't really care. no part of what I said or did affected you in the slightest, but you have to put on the :le-pol-face: and act like I tried to convert you. Also, most people by the numbers are Hindu and in a loose sense believe in the Brahman as the ultimate force of creation. In short, shut up and go back to :reddit-logo: if your gonna act like this.
yeah I also don’t really care.
Clearly.
most people by the numbers are Hindu
And I've seen what the Hindus have been doing in India lately. Have you? They're fucking fascists.
shut up and go back to stormfront if your gonna act like this.
WTF.
Meanwhile, this rules-lawyering nonsense shows no love or respect for God and simply a begrudging fear of hell, a resentment of God for requesting certain things of you and a view of this all as a transactional relationship.
Why should one love or respect a being who is canonically responsible for all the death and suffering present within this world today? Any sort of relationship with a creator "god" is transactional because you pray to it and it doesn't annihilate you with lightning or whatever, and yet misfortune still arises because even though this "god" has the power to create literal heaven on earth, it chooses otherwise and perpetuates mass suffering. Tbf you gotta respect the sublime beauty of such a fucking horrific eldritch being...
If there were Heaven on Earth, Humans would not have free will and would not be capable of good deeds. There is no right or wrong if your actions have no negative or positive repercussions for other people or even yourself, as they would in a Heaven, and everyone would be the same and act the same as they would have the same starting point and same experiences. If you think that's bs fine, whatever, but that's our cosmology.
Thanks. I just hate the perversion of faith as some kind of contract rather than a loving relationship so common in American culture. If they hate the rules so much, why do they try to follow them?
Thanks. My Faith is very important to me, so I hate seeing this weird, nonsense take that god is trying to send us to hell unless we figure out some loophole rather than someone giving us guidelines for a better life.
if mormons dedicated their minds to renewable energy or something instead of ways to not have the sex we’d have communism by now
The ex-Mormon subreddit is really unintentionally funny because of how fucked up Mormons are, so you get posts like "take THIS you fucking fascists, FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!" and it's like someone showing their bare shoulders in a tanktop.
Hell sometimes it's just someone dressed fairly conservatively but wearing pants and smiling.
I think it counts. The third person isn't just an observer, they're participating
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman and god, to the exception of all others.
Pre-marital not-sex is between a man and a woman and a jump humper, to the exclusion of all others.
The jump humper is basically topping. They could tease and totally control the couple.
Yeah but most of the MK Ultra sleeper assassins are Amish.
Just a reminder that the Early Christians fucked so much that Saint Paul had to physically go to Corinth and tell them to knock it off, then wrote them multiple letters pleading with them to stop being so horny.
Paul was an early Volcel.
"Yeah, we're looking for a third. No, we don't want you to get involved, just... just jump on the bed for us."
There's something supremely hilarious about people with repressive sexual practices doing way weirder shit than normal sex just to get around having normal sex.
Ngl this is pretty fucking hot its making me a little horny to think about this mormon shit rn tbph
We’re allowed to be horny because it’s also not technically against volcel police rules
uh this is clear admission of guilt you’re fucked lmao. sic em @VolcelPolice,
When you get "booked" by the Volcel Police you get your cock slapped between two books
I've yet to think of a suitable book-related "punishment" for any other gender because om misogynist
When you get “booked” by the Volcel Police you get your cock slapped between two books
Volcel were supposed to bring balance tp the boner, not bonify it even further.
Our research division is making constant advances in the field of anti-horny technologies :volcel-judge:
To be horny is to be human. However, we believe you have been demonstrating excessive horniness, and so you've been sentenced to the VolCells, untjl you can demonstrate less horny behaviour. :volcel-judge:
have i got some news for you
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormon_pornography
soaking is real I think, heard about it from mormons back in high school ages ago
MY COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND THOUGHT THE ‘MORMON DICK SOAK’ WOULD PRESERVE HER VIRGINITY sry for caps but im not retyping all that shit
Some call it “soaking.” Others: “parking,” “marinating” or the “Provo Float.” Or my personal favorite: the “dock and talk.”
"marinating"
marinating
find the least appealing word for sex lets go
Jesus jump the hump
Jump up on my bed
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
And don’t you stop until I cum
Jesus, jump the hump
Finally a real reason to learn to code:
print("MY COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND THOUGHT THE ‘MORMON DICK SOAK’ WOULD PRESERVE HER VIRGINITY".capitalize())
They talked about this in the Jodi Arias episode of Last Podcast on the Left. They're libs at best, but they did a lot to teach me how fucked up Mormonism is.
That sounds about right.
I heard Ben Kissel say some surpringly woke shit about crime being caused by poverty recently, iirc, but none of them are communists.
Still enjoy learning about cults from three comedians though.
They seem like at the very least they would probably fall on the right side if it came to actual revolution.
What's the Franklin coverup?
Also I don't think they're an op, I think they're just dumb libs, can't actually find anything that says Henry is a satanist. They said Hail Satan all the time but I'm pretty sure they're just edgelords.
He seems like a sweetie and also seems to be very knowledgable of and favorable towards the Satanic principles as far as I am familiar
I'll check it out when I get a chance.
And yes, any political article is heavily biased on Wikipedia to the extent that the talk page is a better way to learn about it. The 2019 Bolivian Coup article is still titled "political crisis" instead of coup.
https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1432852881305063424/pu/vid/1028x720/ElL2mVYkL6KeLBev.mp4?tag=12
I knew a guy in college who swore Mormons actually did this. None of us actually believed him at the time.
I feel like this is out there enough that you were correct not to believe him
This is like how people in other countries don't believe Americans get circumcised because it's so weird to do that for non religious reasons
Pretty sure the initial penetration still counts as sex lol.
What if you stretch so well that penetration happens without touching the sides? It's like operation, but you go to Mormon hell if you lose
"A hot dog down a hallway" is the ideal Mormon sexual experience.
