another 20 years of this SHIT
JK Rowling wants new Potter actors that won't publically distance themselves from her views
My first thought, too. They had 23 years to mold a trio of children into mouthpieces for the brand and Rowling waited like 3/4s of that to reveal how intentionally nutty she is. She won’t make that mistake again.
wonder if it grinds her gears that harry potter himself in the eyes of the world at least is out there getting actually involved with sharing the stories of trans kids.
The Harry Potter franchise was backed by billions of dollars dedicated to making me identify with it and make it part of my personality-brand. I have since transferred that billions of dollars of dedication specifically to Daniel “The Guy From Horns and the Weird Al Biopic” Radcliffe.
daniel radcliffe, isn't that the cool actor that does a lot of odd indie movies and is good friends with some fellow named trevor?
No he's the guy from Guns Akimbo who runs around the city playing Edward 40 Hands with Glocks in his bath robe.
I don't know about odd indie films but I loved him in that summer blockbuster where he's a mostly dead corpse that propels himself through the water with farts.
Rowling waited like 3/4s of that to reveal how intentionally nutty she is
I'm personally of the theory that she was just a standard-grade UK prat until she started really racking in the mega-millions. All that money ultimately drove her insane.
new show is going to suck (more, to be specific) if that's true.
Chris Pratt as Snape in 3, 2, 1...
It's just cancelled conservative actors. Gina Carano as Hermione
It would be so funny if they start being TERFs during filming but then they grow out of it. "We just met some trans people, turns out, they're not what we thought".
Some dork: No one remember avatar. Can you even name the lead guy? It'll fail.
avatar grosses 1 trillion dollars
Some dork: Everyone remember Harry Potter, it'll make all the money.
Harry Potter show fails miserably
:inshallah:
pass me the lathe!
You know what franchise has really worked out well in a serialized format? Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them! The third installment, which I can definitely remember the name of, did very well at the box office.
Fantastic Beats: The Secrets of Mumblecore :squirtle-jam:
(For the purposes of this joke mumblecore is a music genre and not a movie genre)
I'll say this. I watched the first Fantastic Beasts movie and it didn't suck. But it also didn't really feel like a Harry Potter movie because it wasn't staring Harry Potter or involving any well-known character for more than a cameo.
Then the writers decided they had to do lots of Harry Potter references, so they made a movie that was absolute steaming cowshit. I have no idea what became of the third movie. But if Wikipedia is to be believed, Warner Bros no longer actually wants to fund new movies because funding things is expensive. So, we'll see...
Amazing how you can have half the damned movie written for you by way of Deathly Hallows and you still can't help fumbling the ball.
the first Fantastic Beasts movie
If the whole trilogy had just a quirky British guy doing conservationism for cryptids it would have been the bomb, but the "serious" plot really dragged it all down. I never even watched the third one because it seemed to have completely abandoned the "fantastic beasts" premise.
I agree that the first movie was good. Worst part was the gratuitous Johnny Depp cameo reveal.
I saw someone complaining about goyim telling them, “These goblins remind me of you! When I see these goblins, I think of Jews!” I get that people are insensitive about shit. Maybe there were people who accepted the stereotype with little to no prompting because they’re antisemitic in some way. Hell, maybe this person was self-awarely trying to differentiate between what they knew people saying and what they felt people were saying.
At the same time, come the fuck on. Was the Star of David not reason enough to make that association? Was the game being initially developed under leadership that included race realist gamer gate YouTubers not sufficient?
Nah given how they're going into this show despite the drama surrounding Rowling being a shitheel, I expect they're gonna really lean in on making shit more problematic. They're gonna introduce a evil goblin council as a new antagonist and call them the Elders of Zyron or some shit.
I saw that disney is working on a live action Moana remake, which means they're remaking a movie that came out in 2016. I know remakes have always been a thing in hollywood but man...either I'm getting that much older or they're really shortening the window to exploit nostalgia.
They're out of 90s hits to remake so they're doing 2000s movies like Lilo and Stitch and 2010s movies that aren't Frozen
Oh for sure...but like...2016??? I'm not happy about them rebooting Harry Potter or doing a damn lord of the rings cinematic universe but I at least understand it because philospher's stone and return of the king came out just over and under 20 years ago respectively. That's basic ass Hollywood nostalgia cash in and I'm at least used to it. 2016 though??? I guess by the time the movie actually comes out it will have been 10 years but that's a bit absurd.
They're going to remake the crisp :failure: Mario movie in 2025
Wonder if this will be a gritty HBO reboot with F bombs and violence. Not that'd it'd make things better, but it'd at least be funny.
I was thinking a real "Harry Potter with Guns" but yeah I clearly did not think that idea through.
Harry Potter with Guns
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Idris Elba if you're going for serious
Steven Segall if you're going for hilarious
and all the children should be cast as children, except for harry potter
OK, I like all those, but hear me out... how about Danny McBride?
Alright, time to start writing "Not Another Harry Potter Movie"
When I was younger, I imagined a short story about the Death Eaters trying to attack the United States, but then the American wizards with magic guns quickly stop them and then they throw the idea of taking over the US in the trash.
Harry Potter with Guns
I was curious so I downloaded and watched like 10 mins of it. And before the end of that time I was really like, "ok I get it." But I supremely respect the commitment to the bit by its creators.
Yes. And it's actually pretty well edited, but the bit gets old for a whole movie.
Grease style where they acknowledge they’re all fuckin but don’t show it and they’re played by 30 year olds and there’s songs
Ron Howard would make an OK Ron Weasley. And/or Ginny Weasley.
it's ok, all the 14 year olds will be played by actors in their late 20s.
Boarding school molestation by groomer-gay Dumbledore stated by Rowling after the show finishes and she's a full-on fascist.
People say AI art is bad because it just copies what has already been made.
Really though it is just copying us.
This one doesn't make a lot o f sense to me. I feel like they should be making a spinoff series, preferably one that's not about stopping Jack Sparrow from preventing the Holocaust and also not about upholding slavery.
The thing is, the original movies were generally high budget, good effects, generally well made, especially for 2001 film adaptation of a children's novel. They're at a very high risk of making something that's plain sloppier in every noticeable category. Somehow they will also probably make it have more fascist ideological undertones. The fascists will call it "woke" because it included an LGBT character and/or because Lavender Brown was changed back into a black character. The fact that the writing will be mostly ChatGPT'd from The Hobbit trilogy and the last 2 seasons of Game of Thrones will be drowned out by reactionary screaming.
I can't speak of intent, but in the first film she was played by a black actress. When she was upgraded from background character to talking roles character, they swapped her out for a white actress.
The other token black character was literally called Kingsley Shacklebolt, so yes, yes of course she did.
They never mentioned Lavender Brown's race in the books, so in the first few movies, where she was a minor character mentioned a few times, she was played by a black actress. But when she had more of a role, she was changed to white.
Early seasons HBO harry potter seems a bit :libertarian-approaching:. Like are they going to do Euphoria with 11 year olds.
The only ones watching this will be the :grillman: brained Millennials who still care about Harry Potter.
Damn before Rowling's fall I would have been sincerely excited for this. Idk I'm an ex Harry Potter kid who's really struggling to make the ex stick. I realize now that it sucked intellectually speaking but there's still a lot of emotional attachment. And back in the day I was constantly saying "Harry Potter would work so much better as a TV series than as movies!!!!". So I really actually wanted this to happen. But now? Fuck.
Sorry for the sincerity lol.
Ya got nothing to be sorry for. Realizing your childhood was padded with trash created by trash people genuinely sucks.
yeah same, its not our fault that we were made to feel this way
Idk how there still hasn't been a decent "wizard school" game or movie or show in the time since
Even if it tries to uproot a lot of the problems Joanne has added after the series released, it still would be a shit show built on racist, transphobic, mess of bones. You cannot build a story inside this world, without throwing away existing canon which jkr will not allow you to do, and have it be a good story.
Harry Potter sucks because it was a poorly designed book series. You remember it fondly because it was pushed extremely hard into the cultural zeitgeist to get boys reading about being cops.
1-3 were solid books. This habit of saying "The books were always low-tier shit that were pushed on children" is horse shit. They started off strong and had solid sales for a reason. Then it fell off after Goblet of Fire and its attempt to expand a world she clearly hadn't prepared for. That's also when I fucked off and went to other fantasy writers that knew how to world build worth a shit.
JK Rowling is a solid writer when she's working on smaller-scale stories that aren't poisoned with her weird obsessions. She doesn't deserve to be mentioned on the same level as Tolkien, Lewis, Baum, Martin, or Sanderson when it comes to high-fantasy world building. Even Stephen King did a better job with his Dark Tower series.
Just a reminder that the books end with Harry potter, now King Kop, considering asking his slave for a sandwich and musing to himself that all is well
The seasons of TV would allow the series more space to dive into the Wizarding World of the books, with less need to cut things out than the original movies
This is great because when I saw the original movies I kept thinking how rushed the plot felt
They can now get into the subplot about how elves like to be slaves and that freeing them would be bad actually.
If it's 1 season per book, they're going to reveal in season 2 that Dobby is a slave and free him, then ignore the implication that all elves are slaves for an entire season until season 4 when Hermione tries to campaign for emancipation, fail, and then ignore it again until the end of the show.
With long term storytelling like that I can really see this show eventually being up there with Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones
how rushed the plot felt
IDK that's just how movies are
22 episode per season TV shows are the opposite.
The movies cut out all of the worst shit though. I think being confronted with how sloppy a lot of the B-plots and minor details are might finally make a lot of people realize how bad the books were.
Yes I'm a little piggy give me an Avatar series about the Na'Vi resistance who stayed behind to wage guerilla warfare on the colonizing humans.
Fuck off, you're razzing me
https://www.polygon.com/23668971/harry-potter-reboot-hbo-series-tv
Goddamnit
