I really love your posts, and would be really sad if you left. You have helped me a lot. I don't feel lectured from a golden tower or yapped at by a privileged person, I feel related to by a trans person who has been through what I am dealing with. You give me a clear perspective when I'm anxious. I really hope you don't leave. I'm sorry you feel discouraged. I hope you stay, or at least come back from a break if you need one.

You know more about yourself then I do, but I don't think you are socially innept either.

I give a shit about you too. I hope you feel better soon.

I too speak from a position with a lot of privilege. I live in a lib area where for the most part I don't have to worry about getting harassed for presenting queer in public, I've never really had to agonize about passing, and I don't experience much transphobia in my daily life. I came out at 16 and had a really smooth social transition. I'm transmisogyny-exempt. The thing that I struggle with the most is the fact that I'm not on HRT yet (due to living at my parents house) but while that does cause me dysphoria, it hasn't really stopped me from being out and open as trans and generally getting accepted as such.

I also struggle socially. My social problems may manifest a bit differently to yours — I struggle to hold conversations, and I especially struggle with responding to people (which in a day and age where ghosting is like a cardinal sin does feel really bad.) I have a difficult time gauging what people will take offense to and I overcompensate by masking my entire personality. I've always really admired people who openly gush about their interests because it's something I want to be able to do.

I've never gotten the vibe from you that you are lecturing from a position of privilege or anything, but that you are passionate about queer liberation and want to provide an empathetic voice. And that's super fucking cool! I love reading your posts about gender because while I'm also nonbinary, my experience of being nonbinary is very different from yours and I enjoy seeing different perspectives on the whole gender thing. Not to mention your queer lit posting is also fantastic, it's some of my favorite stuff to read while scrolling the bear site.

To me you are one of the posting cornerstones of the trans mega. I've loved watching this little community grow over the past few months, and you are one of the people who helped build that community. I would be sad to see you go.

I do not actually believe that anybody likes me though.

Whatever it is, its your brain lying to you. I like you.

It makes me sad you feel this way. I hope the responses you get can help you not feel that way.

I can absolutely understand and empathise with that feeling that your perspective is in some way irreedeemably skewed because of your own experience and privilege in transition and that you shouldn't post things because of it. But that's not true, as much as it might feel like it is. Your perspective and experiences aren't useless just because they don't conform to the usual suffering narrative and pain that other trans people go through. Sure, you're able to pass and haven't been harassed (as much) as you could be, but that just shows that it can be better for those of us who often are. It's so easy for us to forget that not everything is awful and scary when existing as a trans person, to forget the joy that can come from it, to forget that the reason we started transitioning in the first place was that it would help us become actually happy some day. Not happy in the sense of moment to moment joy, but in the sense of self-fulfillment. And when we forget these things it can be so easy to just wallow in our pain, to lash out at others, or to not push ourselves to make any progress because if nothing we do helps us, why bother? Your perspective and experiences help to keep that goal in view, at least for myself.

And besides, your particular focus on gender liberatory experiences compared to binary experiences is important to have. Sure sometimes you might fail to recognise how important certain things are for binary trans people, but often those same things do have deeper problematic aspects to them that you do recognise. It's not your fault if someone doesn't recognise that and instead continues to feel that passing is too difficult or outright impossible for them. Just try to meet them a little bit more at the middle, getting rid of those brainworms is incredibly hard and can take forever and going a bit slower can sometimes help. (I know you probably feel this is targeted at you Tomboymoder, but it isn't, you're not the only one here who feels like that sometimes)

You're always going to feel like there is someone who might be better suited to help a person, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. That idealised person who can perfectly help in the situation doesn't exist. And while others might be able to find a better angle than you, that doesn't mean that yours is useless. It can often be just as important, even if it may not seem as illuminating or helpful. I know there have been a few cases where I felt that you caught something I entirely missed when we were both speaking to someone. And often the weight of having more reasons and help can be important too. And what about if the person in question who is more suited isn't able to help for one reason or another? I often rely on people who have more energy than me in the moment to help people who I would like to but can't due to my current situation. You know I do that. And I'm not the only one. Having someone who is willing to help when others are busy or tired is a great thing since being left hanging can feel far worse than just getting "bad" advice does. And you're often that person here, you're always willing to help or talk about these things and that's incredible. I wish I could be half as helpful as you are sometimes. Even your little posts of sympathy towards my small feelings of pain often help me a lot more than I can express here.

And don't feel sorry for putting this on the mega. This is something serious and important for you to say. We all post things that are complex, difficult, and hard for us here all the time, that's part of what makes this place so nice is that we're able to do that and be met with empathy and help. Empathy and help which often comes from you, Ash.

And sure, sometimes these will become conflicts, but that's inevitable in any online space, it's not something fundamentally wrong with you. And you don't have to let them become something that makes you leave the spaces you love. Sometimes two people butt heads and aren't compatible, but they can still inhabit the same space. (And worse comes to worse blocking exists) And sometimes you'll argue with friends, but that doesn't mean that you can't still be friends outside of that argument. I'm sure everyone here has someone they care about who is at least a bit of a lib, for instance, even if it's just a family member.

Edit’s also relatable. Just know this feeling will probably fade. You’ve self-crit-ed and that’s all you can control. I don’t think anyone holds a grudge against you and it would be unreasonable to do so. People enjoy seeing your comments. All you can do is become more socially conscious and ready to interact better in the future. That doesn’t change that (if you’re like me) you will fluctuate between great social inhibition and disinhibition. My current perspective is that they compose a dialectical unity, and thus are inseparable. It’s not truer to want to say everything or nothing because you’re scared what people will think. If it makes you feel good to socialize (if online) do so, it’s other people’s problem if they can’t handle your improved self. If you’re still acting ignorantly, then they should inform you and you should inform yourself. We are all just works in progress, and unlike many people, you haven’t stubbornly refused to change and grow.

I don’t know if this helps but I’ll add I felt a bit like “no one likes me do they” posting recently too. In my case it still feels legitimate because my stuff gets less engagement and it does feel like a lot of people don’t think I’m as interesting as I do, and I’m also privileged. You, on the other hand, are always bringing positivity and we all love to get replies from you. I know that’s my biased perspective but it’s true. I feel like it’s often like this in neurodivergent relations in my experience. Everyone believes they’re a problem, but whenever they admit it others are like “it’s ok to be wrong or insecure, we love you, I’m the real problem.”

Half of the shit I say is irony poisoned and I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. Idk if this kinda place is the best or worst for we who cannot shut the fuck up.