I'm a cis dude, but only bc that's what is easiest. If everyone were to collectively decide I was no longer a cis dude I wouldn't care. I don't really have preferred pronouns but I usually just do he/him cause I don't really care and that's what I present as. I should probably just consider myself agender, but again that seems like too much effort, so eh.
I find I have a negative reaction to anything overly "masculine" or "feminine" which makes it hard to be a cis woman because I find we're expected to put more effort into looking a certain way, where-as men can dress comfortably and casually and still be considered a normal-looking dude without being considered "frumpy"
I'm not sure if that's sexist of me to say or not.
Nice to know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. Although I imagine trans women have it even worse with that extra pressure to pass. Societies expectations are bullshit sometimes, sigh.
tbh i feel like i want to be extremely feminine but because i was raised male in a very homophobic region i always cringe hard at even putting a dress on, let alone makeup. ive been passing for like a bit over 5 years now.
and yeah i definitely get treated differently. i dressed to the nines for a wedding once and got my hair done and had to go in to work suddenly for a bit before the wedding and all the normal schlubs i knew treated me like i was a goddess suddenly. it was weird. everyone showering me with comments everywhere, literally everyone i talked to including people i didnt know. i usually dress very androgynous because dressing feminine gives me so much anxiety that i need to be high as shit to do it.
I don’t know if agree that that’s what it is to be cis. When I see the phrase
If everyone were to collectively decide I was no longer a cis dude I wouldn’t care
I don’t think that’s something the average cis person would agree with. In my experience around cis people, it seems like most of them are quite attached to their gender and wouldn’t want to be perceived as another gender. Not all, but most.
I agree, I think what OP described is neither explicitly a cis or trans experience but a kind of gender weirdness that both cis and trans people go through. Only by exploring that feeling further do you get clear about the root cause of it. I don't think it is a cut and dry answer you end up at, but going "AHH gender is a dumb social construct" can put off some introspection that could be very beneficial in the long run
I think, given the fact that cisgendered-ness is more or less compulsery and something that needs to be "opted out" of, anyone that finds themselves doubting being cis at all could benefit from doing some research and reflecting on their gender. If they are actually cis but maybe they are just chafing under rigid gender roles, that'll become apparent since finding out you're trans is more of a sudden reframing of a bunch of life experiences and struggles since childhood. I just think more people that are ostensibly cis but struggle with gender ought to check in on themselves and see if there is anything else going on.
Take the gender abolition (the cool kind, not the terf kind) pill
https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/cis-by-default/
Oh sorry, I didn't know. I don't follow that blog or the people who post. I just remember seeing the article and thinking it was good
I’m not reading beyond the exec summary, but the takes don’t seem bad. Is the rape apologia on a different page?
The weirdest part is investing that much energy into mostly online drama. But 2015 was a weird time.
Same. After spending a lot of time thinking about it, my gender is "sure, I guess." The "cis by default" article someone else linked describes me to a tee
That about how I am with regard to being a woman. If not for the monthly shark week or the fact that I have kids, it would be meaningless. I wear skirts cuz they're comfy, wear men's pants because pockets, don't wear makeup, etc.
I feel this. I enjoy my beard and broad shoulders and gargantuan dong but if I woke up a lady I'd be like "this is fine too"
tbh i think this is a somewhat common thing among cis people. its what makes being trans in some cases very confusing
like my mom always was like 'i dont feel like a woman im just me' and my boyfriend is like this too but i think this is a common thing among decent men who dont go super hard into the trucknuts stuff.
and i think that its just a part of the full spectrum of expression. but maybe what makes someone trans is how highly they identify with it and how much they feel the need to change socially ingrained behaviors for themselves, and maybe if they feel they don't 'look' right currently.
like for me, what made me realize i was trans was 1. male puberty and how much i hated it 2. having like .001 mm of my hair recede and me freaking out instantly and getting on hormones. but im extremely binary so idk im just spitballing and im kinda high rn
Yeah. And I think it's because I'm gay.
Honestly the only reason I ever think about my gender is in regards to the patriarchy which means it's a fucking gay concept.
I'm a straight man who's been rather chudish most of his life and I've recently realized I would really much rather be a woman. Like it's a strong preference but I don't think I'd be happy transitioning and can't imagine ever doing so.
I grew up with a dad that would admonish me for not being manly enough on rare occasions. I've tried really hard to be masculine my entire life to fit to how society expects me to be. I like men's clothing and all but I really wish I could just fit in with women more without being treated like a man. This is especially difficult because I'm often called handsome/attractive and I guess it's hard for women to let their guard down around a cute guy
i personally didnt feel much use in talking to a gender therapist honestly. i did it and all it made me realize is i was a dumbass for doing it and i went and transitioned immediately lmao
Idk, that sounds pretty useful to me. Eliminating doubt isn't always that easy.
Like it’s a strong preference but I don’t think I’d be happy transitioning and can’t imagine ever doing so.
o god thats how it started for me lol
This is what I don't really get about nonbinary/agender/etc people, because I don't feel a deep connection to being a man, and act feminine or masculine as I please, but it seems like a lot of work to make it a thing, you know? Can any non binary/agender/etc people weigh in? Is it more than that for you? What made you declare yourself not a man or a woman?
I'll lead my comment by clarifying that you don't need dysphoria to be trans and that at the end of the day it comes from self-understanding, but for me it was dysphoria. I'd say it's pretty mild and bearable in my case, but it is undeniably present and cis people by definition don't really have that experience.
Trans people are not the same as agender/nonbinary, right? Or do I have something mixed up? That's interesting though, thank you for responding
words are a fuck, but the way I understand it is that trans = non-cis (as in being a different gender than the one assigned to you at birth), justified by this idea that all trans people share this contradiction between their assigned gender and their real gender. Of course, not all enbies call themselves trans or would consider themselves that way, but that is how I see it.
I’m agender and I feel more or less the same way you do. I haven’t really declared myself not a man or a woman, seeing as how I’m mostly in the closet. One day I just realized that describing myself as agender makes a lot more sense to me than describing myself as my AGAB (assigned gender at birth).
Interesting. When people refer to you as your AGAB, is in some way uncomfortable/negative?
A little bit, yeah. But not enough for me to want to deal with coming out of the closet.
