Is it someone you see and immediately want to make out with/fuck? Because if I see someone who is aesthetically pleasing/interesting, I make the decision to try to get to know them as a person before I escalate things further. And I’m starting to think this is atypical because my track record isn’t great.
Is that just a long-winded way to describe an average crush? Does it vary from person to person?
Not a doctor, but I would just push the bump back into your head. Sometimes it might pop back up on the opposite side though so YMMV
As a Doctor from the ACME Clinic, you're supposed to sprinkle a random ACME powder on the bump then hit it as hard as you can with an ACME Wooden Mallet.
If all goes well then you will hear the appropriate bonk coming from the mallet. You MUST use a mallet and not a hammer. They make completely different bonks and could damage your bump.
It is possible that you may have painted the tunnel next to a real tunnel. Make sure to double check first. It's tough getting a refund, might be easier buying a new kit. Takes like 2 seconds to deliver anyway
You didn't even wolf whistle at her first? How's she supposed to know you're into her? Way too subtle, dude.
The traditional understanding is a minor infatuation with someone
Problem is, that's just the tip of the iceberg since romance isn't exactly a basic thing
There's the friend-crush (or Smush as some people call it) where you just really want to be friends with someone
There's the sex-crush where you basically just want to fuck someone and there's nothing deeper than that
Then there's people like me, who get crushes and fall in love with just about anyone and experience dizzying highs and lows as a result
The beauty of being bipolar is that you experience love at first sight like 25 times a day.
I feel like Hans Christian Andersen if he wrote stories about eldritch horrors from the dark tapestry between the stars
I'm queer and polyamorous, so I view crushes as a threat to my well-being mostly. If I'm crushing on someone I theoretically have the space in my life to actually explore that crush. Except nobody is ever crushing on me back or if they are they're monogamous, so making any attempt to pursue or explore that crush has a serious potential to just ruin the existing relationship. So I push it down and hide it. Which sucks because my pool of possible crushes is "everyone" so I'm crushing all the time.
Why yes I'm super healthy and totally neurotypical how'd you know
It's the same for me. But I think there's a bit of a certain vibe I've got to feel too. There's lots of people that I've found attractive, but don't really vibe too well with.
On the flipside there's people that I wouldn't typically be attracted to at first, but as I get to know them I develop a crush for them.
Of course having a crush and doing something about it are two different things. Like I've known my current crush for about two years and I haven't even gotten the courage to ask for her number yet
Crushes kinda suck. Its very natural and human to fall into one but depending on the severity they can warp reality for you.
Unfortunately I have had a few severe crushes in life and I regret them all. But something that seems consistent (but not always) with them is youth and naivety. When you are really young its very easy to develop a crush but when you get older and have more experience (and less raging hormones) you identify the difference between a crush and genuine love. Though intense attraction still happens, you understand it and control it better so it doesn't take over all your thought and motivation.
To be honest though it could be just me having bad experience. I am a bit jealous of people who had a crazy intense crush in highschool/college and ended up with them as a life long romantic partner. Essentially they got to experience a movie romance but in real life. To have your intense feelings validated, forgiven, and loved is wonderful. But its also not something that I think you can will into existence. Some people just get lucky, otherwise crushes end up as a painful trap your brain puts itself in.
I would prefer to not have one ever again. But I know I don't need one if I am looking for love.
Most of my “crushes” as I get older stem from the fact that I meet someone in passing who seems cool, but then they just kinda disappear. I’m convinced this wouldn’t really happen if I had a social life offline
Crush - It’s anyone who I want to hold hands with
Infatuation - it’s someone I can’t stop thinking about day and night
It's usually better to make the physical connection without excessive stalling. Otherwise it grows to exaggerated proportions.
my current interpretation of a crush is that it is someone who reminds me of something i can't remember, but once longed for. some door to a dream, now hidden by time and memory. i let these thoughts float down the river now, because they were just a person looking for the bathroom, not backstage passes to my attachment disorder.
Attraction and attachment are actually very complicated and people’s experiences with them are diverse, so it’s not a bad idea to describe your experiences.
I’m gonna hide a long post behind a spoiler, but wanna directly answer your question first.
Yes, it varies from person to person. Most people don’t talk about it as if it varies, but it does. I consider a crush to be sustained romantic attraction for a person you’re not partnered with.
I experience the same “crush” feeling for my long-term partner, but it would be weird to refer to it that way, because society is allo-centric and just calls that love (it also calls a bunch of other stuff love). It’s just romantic attraction, which can feel different between people, but for me is kind of a fluttering warmth in my tummy that makes me wanna smile. Feels similar to admiration.
Some people experience that very strongly very quickly. Others need to establish attachment first. Some people experience it fleetingly. For others it’s overwhelming and constant, even after a long period of time.
long post
spoiler
I see attraction through two lenses:
- biological model—scientific view of systems in the brain
- dual attraction model—language developed by aromantic and asexual people to describe their experiences
There’s overlap between the two, but you can imagine science hasn’t exactly caught up on accounting for the experiences of aromantic/asexual people. The science is paraphrased and I don’t have any relevant qualifications, so if you wanna know more about that, this is more of a jumping off point than a definitive guide.
biological model
There are systems in the brain for physical (sexual) attraction, arousal, romantic love, and attachment. In most people:
- arousal and romantic love are easy to trigger quickly and without much or any attachment
- arousal is easier to trigger than romantic love
- romantic love is easier to sustain than arousal
- physical attraction primes arousal and romantic love to be easier to trigger
- attachment can affect the other systems, but the association isn’t strictly necessary in either direction
the dual attraction model
There many kinds of attraction:
- sexual attraction
- romantic attraction
- platonic attraction
- aesthetic attraction
When allo people (both alloromantic and allosexual) talk about being attracted to a (potential) partner, they typically mean sexual and romantic attraction, but do not differentiate between them.
There are lots of ways for people to be on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums. Some people experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction. Some people can only experience one/both in specific circumstances (like being closely attached to someone).
There’s also the topic of sex repulsion. If you’re only attracted to one end of the gender spectrum, you may experience sexual repulsion at the idea of having sex with someone from the other end of the spectrum. Asexual people may experience that for everyone. Or they may experience it in specific circumstances or at differing intensities. It’s worth noting that people’s reasons for having sex are incredibly diverse and people may choose to partake or abstain independent or whether they’re sex repulsed or not. Similarly, there are plenty of aromantic people who have long term partners who they’re attached to and love. Feels like that should go without saying, but people are brainwormed.
If it is too big of a deal it is an indication that you've gotta be more normal.
Basically, don't let crushes get beyond like, a little infatuation without either acting on it or shutting it down depending on what is appropriate
A crush for me is more like an infatuation - someone I can't stop thinking about, someone I develop unrequited romantic feelings for. I don't get them much anymore, but in like middle school and high school they were just constant hormonal assaults on my brain. My track records with crushes is also zilch, for what it's worth.
If I want to fuck someone on sight it honestly just means they're, like, an average looking person of my preference
___ But I'm much hornier than the average person soIt varies i think. Some people I see and want to fuck, sometimes it takes time to build. Though honestly I just don't have crushes anymore. Like I can see someone and recognize attractive features or a personality I can vibe with, but I don't really develop feelings of any kind.
I suppose this is me as well. Like don’t really feel much for them besides a sense of interest that I get from other things I find interesting
Idk I would consider that upfront lust to be a crush. I mean maybe a bit of that damn they're attractive hitting you all at once, but to me the crush is more just the "can't stop thinking about them" part, and while maybe you do sorta want to fuck right away, I think it's just a reasonable adult thing to do to try to get to know someone a bit more if your interest is romantic not just sexual. Especially considering you might get to know them and realize they aren't who you thought they were at all.
Everyone is different, some people go straight to gettin it on, and more power to them, but I think your perspective is pretty normal.
It's starts with attraction, that's the foot in the door, so to speak. But there has to be more to it than that for it to be a crush. Personalities have to gel, they have to be interesting and take some kind of interest in me back. Then it's a crush
It's a broad term that encompasses a wide range of infatuation/intense attraction toward someone you aren't in a relationship with (yet). IMO they can be triggered by (the beginning of) a genuine connection, or can mostly be projection mixed with physical attraction (I imagine shit is kinda different for ace and/or aro people, that's pretty outside my experience range so I won't speak to that). When you're in the thick of one it can be hard to tell which is which, in my experience (and it can also be a mix of both, like you sense genuine potential there but also you are filling in the blanks with your own idealized shit).
Spoiler tag for boring personal details (and also low but non-zero chance people I know could find this account):
spoiler
My longest term relationship started as a crush but I kinda backburned it for a while because they were seeing someone when we met. Once that relationship ended we got together but by that point the attraction/connection had settled into something more level & realistic (not a bad thing at all). Also kinda in one rn with someone I befriended circumstantially in the last few months. Thought I maybe sensed reciprocity there for a second but lately been sensing distance so kinda trying to throw water on it a bit.
They can honestly be kinda unpleasant and can become unhealthy if you lack self awareness/self control. But they can also be the start of something really good and meaningful. They can also be hell if you get one while yr in a monogamous relationship and you and your partner aren't on the same page about the degree to which attraction outside the relaysh is normal/healthy/harmless.
